Threesome? A tale of two dicks…

So during my brief time on OKC, I met a dude (Dick #1) that was super hot and I was totally down for something casual, so I gave him my number. Once we got texting, he proceeded to ask about my sex history, and then asked if I have ever had a threesome. I haven’t, and it is something I really am interested in, so I told him I would be open to it. He quickly jumped in saying that we should have a threesome eventually. Eventually is the key word.

Well that eventually, to me, insinuated that we would meet first, probably fuck, and then discuss a threesome at a later date. No. At least that’s not what that meant to him. He texted his friend and told him about me. I went along with it because frankly, both guys were cute, so why not?

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Dick #1 gave Dick #2 my phone number… Wtf dude?

Dick #1 gave Dick #2 my number without my permission. I still continued to text both of them, but to my understanding still, I was going to meet Dick #1 first before meeting Dick #2. So over a few days, both of them texted me, and I was honest with both of them and answered every question they asked. I enjoy talking about sex and have nothing to hide.

Well Dick #2 kept asking questions like “What is the wildest thing you’ve done?” I told him about when I met Tampa Boy (Red Flags Equal Fun) and he even asked for the full story. I didn’t have time to really text out the dirty details, so I sent him a link to my blog. At this point, I really didn’t care if they were aware of my blog, they’re both down to fuck and have a threesome, I’m sure the blog wouldn’t phase them. At least that’s what I thought…

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Dick #2 got upset that I wanted to meet Dick #1 first. Boo fucking hoo.

We texted all weekend, and then today Dick #2 asked to arrange a time to meet me. I was honest, and told him I had to meet Dick #1 first because he is who I chose to meet from OKC, and Dick #2 is just a third in the mix. Dick #2 got pissed, but at this point, he should have just been ok with it, after all, I haven’t met Dick #1 yet.

As soon as Dick #2 got pissed, Dick #1 texted me to tell me I’m pathetic because they are basically attached at the hip or something. You can read the whole conversation below…

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Dick #1 called me pathetic. Priceless. Really, I couldn’t stop laughing.

Now I’ve come to three different conclusions:

  1. Dick #1 was really just trying to get Dick #2 laid and neither really wanted to have a threesome.
  2. Dick #2 has two phone numbers, set up a fake OKC account for Dick #1 with some hot ass photos to lure chicks in and then was texting as Dick #1 to get himself laid.
  3. Dicks #1 and #2 both got too into my blog and saw my post (Incredulous OKCupid Douche) from yesterday, now they think I’m “flakey” so they both decided to pull out of the threesome.

Either way, lesson, don’t agree to a threesome with someone you haven’t met in person yet. Also, I should really stop sharing my blog with guys I plan on fucking. Lastly, there’s some fucked up people out there, you might be getting catfished, be careful ladies.

Yours Truly,
Kallie Pygus

P.S. I’m sorry to those who come to read about my real life encounters, these douchebags from OKC needed a story of their own apparently. I promise, there are several encounters in the works that I’m writing from the past couple weeks, I just need to finish them and edit.

Tampa Boy Encounter #4

I met Tamp Boy (Ryan from Red Flags Equal Fun) Sunday April 24th and hung out with him a total of four times before I wrote him off Tuesday May 3rd. The first time, I realized how many red flags there were going in, but still had my fun. Then encounters two through four were a downward spiral, but I guess that is expected when there are so many red flags. This is part three of a three part post for Tampa Boy Encounters #2-4.

Tampa Boy Encounter #4

I fell asleep shortly after Tampa left at 6am on Sunday, May 1st. I had plans that day, so my alarm was set for 12:30pm. When I woke up, I saw that Tampa forgot his bluetooth on my nightstand. I sent him a picture to let him know. He asked if I could bring it by his hotel. Confused, I asked if he didn’t check out yet. Supposedly he had to stay longer for some meetings that were added to his schedule. I told him I had plans that day, but maybe I could swing by later that evening.

At around 9pm, I dropped my friends off at home and texted Tampa saying I could come by his hotel. I was expecting to be up all night with him again, but he caught me off guard by saying to leave his bluetooth at the front desk, his son was at the hotel with him. I was exhausted anyways and just wanted to go home and sleep. He texted me thanks. I texted him saying that he owes me big time when he comes back to Chicago.

I don’t even know why I brought him the bluetooth. It makes him look like the tool bag that he is. I should have told him I’m doing him a favor and throwing it out. But I’m too nice for that. So now it’s back in his possession.

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Monday night rolled around and at 11:53pm, Tampa texts saying he could tie me up as a thank you for bringing him his bluetooth. After some flirty texting, he told me he’s still in town for one last night. It was late, but I didn’t have to be up early the next day, so I agreed to meet him at his hotel.

When I arrived, he told me he needed to run to the store quickly to buy some things and if I was good he would buy me a treat. I laughed to indulge him, but was disgusted by him at the same time. I drove him down the street, he got what he needed, then told me to drive to Frenchy’s. His rules, I could chose whatever I wanted, but nothing that would go in his butt. I laughed, but agreed. On the way there, he said that he wanted to go dancing before we go back to his hotel. It was already 2am, but I agreed.

The idea of going dancing sparked an idea. When we got to Frenchy’s I knew exactly what I was looking for. I examined the entire store, but didn’t see it. I was about to ask the guy behind the counter, but then Tampa said we should go somewhere else, he didn’t like the way the guy was talking to him. Red flag.

We left. I googled another 24 hour adult store. Our next stop was Lover’s Playground. I went in and asked the guy right away if they had what I was looking for and they did. I grabbed the toy, showed it to Tampa, and said “This is what I want if we’re going dancing.”

“What is it?” Tampa asked.

“It’s a remote control bullet vibrator.” I told him, “We’re going dancing. You get the remote. I get the vibrator.”

He smiled and then he grabbed a one hitter and some condoms. We got into my car and drove to a club. We sat in my car for a minute to get the batteries in the toy and the remote and tested them to make sure they worked. Once we confirmed this, I turned them off and handed him the remote, telling him to surprise me with it when we got into the club. He put the remote in his pocket. I then pulled my pants down and inserted the bullet. He was shocked that I did it right then and there. I laughed and pulled my jeans back up. We got out of the car and walked into the club at around 3am.

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We went to the bar and each ordered our drinks. The anticipation of the vibrations to come were making me so wet. As the bartender made our drinks, Tampa looked at me and reached into his pocket that he put the remote in. I watched intently. He then removed his hand. I was eager for him to press the button, and he didn’t. We got our drinks and sat for a minute to drink them. He talked. I nodded, but hardly listened. All I could think about was the toy and how much I wanted him to put his hand back in his pocket to turn it on.

Once we finished our drinks, I stood up, grabbed his hand, and started to guide him behind me to the dance floor. Suddenly, it happened. He pressed the button. The vibrations were a pleasant addition to the crowded club scene. We got to the dance floor, he grabbed my hips and pulled my ass against his crotch and started to grind up against me. I reached into his pocket trying to push the button to increase the pulse of the vibrations. He pushed my hand away and held them against my hips with his hands.

We danced like this for an entire song before he let go of my hands. I was soaking wet. I wanted more. He then reached into his pocket and pressed the button. The vibrator went from a constant vibration, to a stronger and more rapid pulse. Oh my god! This was so fucking hot! Several more songs played. We danced. We made out. He played with the remote some more. Then 3:45am approached, last call. We left.

The vibrator still going, I told him to turn it off while I’m driving. He agreed that that was probably a good idea. As I drove, he started to roll a blunt and asked if he could smoke. I told him to put it away and that he couldn’t smoke in my car. He ignored me and continued to roll it. Red flag. We were on the expressway, I wasn’t going to pull over at that moment to tell him to fuck off. He lit the blunt. Red flag. I was pissed.

We pulled up to his hotel. I tried to play it cool and just let the blunt go. When we got inside, I went and laid down on his bed. He sat at the end and got on his phone. Red flag. I laid there, waiting patiently for him to get off, but then asked him what he was doing. He said he was ordering food and checking emails. He handed me the remote. I turned the bullet on and I waited some more. Now he’s really preoccupied. I’m soaking wet, but annoyed. He got off his phone, grabbed his laptop and  spent several minutes typing. It’s 4:30am and all I wanted to do was fuck and pass out, but no, he had work to do? Red flag.

Once he finished, he went in to kiss me briefly, but then grabbed his iPad. Red flag. He got on pornhub and started looking for porn. I’m fine with porn, but he didn’t even seem to want to include me at this point. Red flag. He seemed more absorbed in the porn than me. Red flag.  It seemed like I was basically a sex receptacle for him to stick his dick in once he got it up from the porn. Red flag.

I tried not to take it personally. The sex we had on the first night was awesome and I wanted more of that. But when I tried to get involved, he was telling me all he wanted to do was watch two beautiful women getting it on. He said, “I like watching girls kiss and touch each other’s tits.” Red flag.

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I stopped trying to get involved and sat there while he continued to find the porn he needed. He seemed to slow down a bit in his search. Spaced. Looked at the TV for a bit which had music videos playing, then back to iPad scrolling slower and slower. Strung out. Red flag. He then slowly stripped naked and laid back almost lifelessly. Red flag. He told me to do with him whatever I want, no rules. I laughed and told him he obviously has rules of no butt stuff which he mentioned earlier. He repeated, no rules.

His body now limp, he laid there waiting. Red flag. I went in and kissed him, then worked my way with my mouth down to his dick. He praised me for my technique, but still seemed like he was somewhere else and not present. Red flag. Mid blow job, his hotel room phone rings. I take my mouth off his dick. He answers. His pizza was downstairs. He asked for me to go get it because I was still clothed. I went down and grabbed it. Then came back up, putting the pizza on the table by the TV.

“Get on top,” Ryan demanded. He had put a condom on while I ran downstairs.

I stripped. Kissed him. Pulled the bullet out of my vagina. Then slid his dick inside of me, riding him. Not even an entire song later, he came. I didn’t. Red flag. I got off of him. He then got up, grabbed a slice, and sat in the chair by the window, sprawled out, eating his pizza. Red flag. Realizing how strung out he was, I grabbed my vibrator from my purse, turned it on, shut my eyes, and got in the zone. He watched from the chair. I was already so turned on from the dancing with the vibrator and the little bit of sex, the vibrator against my clit, my orgasm came easily. I started to breath heavily, my back arched, I let out a slight sigh, and then quivered a bit as I came. Once I came down from my orgasm, I loosened up, pulled my vibrator away from my clit, and turned it off.

Tampa then asked, “That was it? You came?” Red flag.

“Yes, I did. It was awesome, no thanks to you.” I then got up and told him I was leaving.

The chair he was sitting on was near my purse and clothes. As I grabbed them to get dressed, he tried to pull me in to sit on his lap and told me I should stay. It was about 5:30am at the time. I was tired and just wanted to go home and sleep in my bed. He said he was sorry for being bad company and explained he was in a bad place, he is in the middle of fighting a custody battle and he was down so took a Xanax when we got to the hotel. Red flag. I told him I should have just stayed home, I could have masturbated in the comfort of my own bed hours ago and be sleeping. I walked off, he said bye, I didn’t respond.

I drove home and passed out immediately. The next afternoon when I woke up, I had a text from him. He was trying to apologize for being a dick, saying that he has a lot going on in his life especially with the custody battle, and he tried to tell me he still wants to hang out with me.

On Tuesday, May 3rd at 11:15pm nearly 12 hours after his text to me, I sent my final text to him saying:

Yea, I gathered that. After last night, it’s obvious that you have a lot going on in your life. At the moment, I’m done. I can’t waste my time with someone who doesn’t respect me or my time. Maybe once you get your life together, we can talk about having some more fun, but right now, it’s a nah bruh!

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I then attached a gif of a magic 8 ball, but even after trying to send it at least 10 times, it still didn’t send. Total bummer, the gif would have been the cherry on top of the text, but I guess the text will have to do. He didn’t respond or acknowledge that text, but he still tried to text me the next two nights to ask what I was doing. I ignored him.

The final red flag was waved and I was spent.

Yours Truly,
Kallie Pygus

Tampa Boy Encounter #3

I met Tamp Boy (Ryan from Red Flags Equal Fun) Sunday April 24th and hung out with him a total of four times before I wrote him off Tuesday May 3rd. The first time, I realized how many red flags there were going in, but still had my fun. Then encounters two through four were a downward spiral, but I guess that is expected when there are so many red flags. This is part two of a three part post for Tampa Boy Encounters #2-4.

Tampa Boy Encounter #3

The day after my second encounter with him, I texted in the afternoon to be flirty; I told him he got me too high and right after he hung up I took my vibrator out. I was still horny from not getting laid the night before. He responded several hours later around 6:30pm to tell me I’m cute high and that it turns him on that I masturbated right after I got off the phone with him. I responded not long after, but then it took Tampa until around 11:30pm to text me back. Red flag. I was exhausted and had to work early the next morning, he missed his window. He tried to get me to come to his hotel. I told him no, it was too late and had to be up early. After texting back and forth for about an hour, I told him goodnight and told him that I was bartending for a concert the next day and that he should come. He didn’t respond, but that was ok with me.

The concert started at 9pm. Tampa still hasn’t responded, but this worked in my favor. A guy I had a huge crush on in college showed up and sat at the bar. Excited to see him, I gave him a hug. Once we got talking, the conversation didn’t stop the entire 3 hour show (surprisingly not a lot of people were drinking that night, mostly just there for the music). A friend of mine even did some sneaky detective work and found out that he is recently single. I met Landon, College Crush Boy, my freshman year. I was instantly drawn to him, but I had a longterm boyfriend at the time so nothing ever came of it while I was in school. After I broke up with my boyfriend a few years later, I ran into Landon several times at various parties and events, but he had a girlfriend. Now we are both single, but I am supposed to be on an emotional break from boys. We will see if I can refrain, but I don’t know if I want to.

When the show ended, Landon got ready to leave, but lingered and told me to come give him a hug. When I hugged him, he pulled me in, the hug was long, I pulled away, then he pulled me back one last time, hugged again for a brief moment before he let go.  He then put his hand on my arm, squeezed it gently, and told me to keep him posted for future shows. My crush on Landon has been lit yet again. I will let you know if anything happens.

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Shortly after Landon left, my guy friend Shane (introduced in Call Me!) texted to see what I was up to. I told him I just finished bartending for a show, but was still hanging out for a few drinks if he wanted to join. He slacked on responding. About an hour later I still haven’t heard from him.

My phone vibrated, excited, hoping it was Shane, I was caught off guard to see that it was Tampa Boy. I ignored it. I told myself I would give it another 15 minutes before responding in case Shane finally texts. Only after like 5 minutes of waiting, Tampa calls. I answered reluctantly. He asked what I was up to and said he wanted to see me. I agreed and he said he would be at the bar in 20 minutes.

Shortly after Tampa called, Shane responded to the text. He was just finishing work and he texted to tell me about his night. We corresponded briefly, then at one point I texted “Fuck you!” and he responded with, “Sure, why not?” Shane and I haven’t slept together in several months, the last time we actually hung out a couple months ago it was platonic, and since then, we haven’t actually hung out, but we text almost every other day. OF ALL THE NIGHTS HE WANTS TO HANG OUT I ALREADY HAVE A GUY COMING OVER! A huge what the fuck moment. I told him I was tired and was about to head home to end the conversation. Fuck! That sucked ass.

Now that I blew off Shane, I was still waiting on Tampa. It’s been over an hour from when he said 20 minutes and he still wasn’t there. Red flag. I texted and told him because the bar is only a block from my place, to just meet me at my apartment. He said he was just about to pull up, so I met him out front and we walked the block home.

Total deja vu. As we walked in, we went straight to my bar, I made us each whiskey cokes, and he packed a bowl. He went straight into talking about himself, and I just zoned him out, thinking about ripping his clothes off. He moved us to the couch. Made his typical advance. We made out for a bit. He asked about going to my room. I laughed. This time I explained, “My room, although messy, isn’t terrible. The problem is that I live in a space that has paper thin walls and 8 roommates. I’m fine with fucking in my room, but I avoid it. What about your hotel?”

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He then explained his assistant was at the hotel room, this time no son though. He said that she was only in town for a couple nights of the few weeks he was in town, so instead of getting a second room, he got a double queen room for the entire duration of his stay. He then tried to say, “We could go to the hotel. She’s probably sleeping. I can sneak you in. If she wakes up, she would probably be turned on.” HUGE red flag.

I wasn’t having that. I told him fuck no, then agreed to let him in my room. We got up from the couch and went to my room. As we both stripped, I thought he was joking when he said, “Well, because your walls are paper thin I will just have to make love to you as if you were my wife.” Another HUGE red flag.

“What?!”I asked.

He laughed, then said, “Never mind.”

We started to make out. He kissed his was down my body and down between my thighs. The way he worked his tongue on my clit reminded me of why I put up with every red flag he has thrown my way. Eating away, he licked for several minutes, getting me worked up, but didn’t let me cum. He licked his way back up my body and proceeded to kiss me. Then he rolled over and laid there, dick out, looking at me then at his dick as if he expected to be blown. I went ahead and blew him. He enjoyed every bit of it, then told me to stop so he could fuck me.

He got up and grabbed a condom from his jeans, he put it on then got on top, missionary, and slowly entered, kissing me gently. I’m not opposed to soft, “love-making,” type of sex, but in this instance, it was a huge turn off. I couldn’t help but to think about the wife comment he made a few minutes earlier. I pushed him up, and rolled him over to fuck him the way I wanted to fuck. He grabbed me, wrapping his arms around me to slow us down. This struggle of him wanting sensual slow sex and me wanting to be fucked rough was not working. I finally gave in and let him get back on top. He came. I didn’t.

We laid there for a moment, a bit of kissing, then just cuddled in silence for several minutes. He broke it by asking if I would miss him when he went back to Tampa. I didn’t say anything, just chuckled. It was now 6am, he realized the time and then said he should probably not fall asleep because he has to check out of his hotel at noon and still needs to pack. He asked for a ride, but I was too tired. He caught a Lyft instead. I passed out and was kind of relieved that he was headed back to Tampa that day.

Fuck! These red flags were supposed to be fun for a night, not draining for a week.

Yours Truly,
Kallie Pygus

Tampa Boy Encounter #2

I met Tamp Boy (Ryan from Red Flags Equal Fun) Sunday April 24th and hung out with him a total of four times before I wrote him off Tuesday May 3rd. The first time, I realized how many red flags there were going in, but still had my fun. Then encounters two through four were a downward spiral, but I guess that is expected when there are so many red flags. This is part one of a three part post for Tampa Boy Encounters #2-4.

Tampa Boy Encounter #2

I never expected to see him again, but two days after my first encounter with Tampa Boy, he texted to tell me he had more fun than expected and that he wanted to see me again. The texts were light, flirty, and a little dirty. He kept telling me how much it turned him on to tie me up and he wanted more. He was basically begging me to come to his hotel that night, but alas, I am a busy girl and wasn’t about to drop what I was doing for a boy. That was Tuesday, I told him I could hang out with him Thursday when I get out of work around 10pm.

Thursday came around and he texted me to make sure we were still on. I replied with a simple yes. I was busy at work and really couldn’t be bothered. When I got out, I tried to call him to tell him I was leaving work and to see where he wanted to meet up. He didn’t answer. I texted to tell him I was running home to eat before we could hang out. About 40 minutes later, he calls to ask me where I was at and why I didn’t just go to his hotel. I told him I had no clue he wanted me to go to his hotel because we never agreed on that. After some of this banter, he said he was going to come over to my place and would be there in 30 minutes.

Tampa arrived. We went straight to my bar, and I made us each a whiskey coke as he packed a bowl. As I was making our drinks, he plugged his phone in to charge and plugged in the aux cord to my speakers. He explained that the reason it took him so long to call me back was because he had left his phone at his baby mama’s place and he had to go get it. Red flag. He continued to say that his phone was blowing up with texts and emails he had to respond to, so he typed away on his phone while I drank my whiskey coke and listened to whatever EDM bullshit he put on. Red flag.

I was basically done with my drink when he finally finished responding to everyone he had to so urgently text back. Red flag. He then sat by me and took a hit. He asked how I’ve been, I started to respond, but hardly got several words out before he started to talk about himself. His ego and cockiness always seem to take control. Red flag.

He then insisted we moved from the bar stools to the couch to be more comfortable, which is obviously code for I want to make a move on you. We sat on the couch, he continued to talk only about himself, I hardly spoke. He never asked me anything and whenever I would respond, he wouldn’t let me really talk much. Red flag.

Once he got over talking about himself, he turned the conversation all into complimenting me, but mostly my appearance and my body. Red flag.  He then made his move, turned towards me, put his arm around me, pulled me in for a kiss. Fuck! I forgot how good of a kisser he was. All that bullshit and red flags ignored once again. We started making out, he then pulled me closer and I straddled him. The make-out session got more and more intense. He started to kiss my neck and moved his hands up my thighs, grabbing my ass, then moved one hand up to my tits. As hot as it was, I stopped him, “I have roommates that can walk in at any moment.”

“So” he said as he continued to kiss me.

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Moments after that, one of my roommates walked in and was startled, “Oh my god!” He scoffed, then turned around and walked as quickly away in the other direction as possible. I got off Tampa and chased after Henry and told him to chill, nothing was going on, we were just making out. He said he was fine, just caught off guard. I felt bad though because he had just moved in like a month ago.

Once I reassured Henry, I went back to Tampa. He then insisted we moved to my bedroom. I laughed and said he couldn’t go into my bedroom because it was currently a disaster. He then explained we couldn’t go back to his hotel because his assistant was there watching his son. Red flag.

“You’re in town for business, you only see your son when you are in town, go be with your son.” I told him.

“He’s sleeping though,” Ryan said.

I kissed him one last time and told him to leave. He left and not even 15 minutes later called me to ask what I was doing. I told him I was in bed. He asked if I was using my vibrator and thinking about him. I laughed and told him no. I was nodding off, he kept talking. After several minutes of him talking at me as I spaced out from being high, he finally said goodnight and that he would text me tomorrow.

He planted the seed. I grabbed my vibrator but did not think about him once.

Yours Truly,
Kallie Pygus