“Let the Threesome Begin”

I got my period the day after Neighbor Boy and I fucked. Being over a week late, it came with a vengeance and I was miserable for the next few days. On my worst period days, a good orgasm is sometimes necessary to help ease the cramps. I got my vibe out pretty regularly that period. A few days in, Neighbor Boy hit me up asking when we were gonna fuck again and I explained that I was all cramps on on my period.

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I tried to message Neighbor Boy later that night, get a quick fuck in. I kind of had a feeling he wasn’t into period sex based off our earlier messages, but thought it was worth a try being that he is super convenient. I messaged him just before midnight asking if he was still awake. His response was that he was with another girl but I should come down with my ropes and give them some pointers, watch, maybe join in.

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First of all, I was on my period and he knew that. I was not looking to have a threesome while I was on my period. Second, really? I’m not one to just come and watch. If I wanted to watch people fucking and not be involved, I’d watch porn. Third, I’m not in this convenient fuck buddy thing to coach him and his other sexcapades. Epic fail on his part… but I guess it’s every guy’s dream to be fucking one girl and have another girl magically appear. He treats sex and his sexual desires almost like scenes from a porno, wanting everything to come easy.

INTRODUCTION to Fake Porn as told by me through my perspective on Neighbor Boy:

Boy has girl in bed. They are fucking. Mid fuck, boy gets text from sexy upstairs neighbor girl. The lightbulb goes off in his head, and he tells girl he’s currently fucking, dick still inside her, “I’ve got a great idea, my upstairs neighbor just asked if I’m awake, let’s turn the heat up and make this a threesome.”

Girl bats her eyes and perks her chest as he continues to fuck her, “Oh my god! Yes!”

They roll over, Girl now on top riding Boy so Boy can message upstairs neighbor girl back, “Come down and join me and this other girl I’m already fucking.”

Upstairs girl, “Oh yea, that would be so fucking hot!”

Upstairs girl magically appears knocking at his bedroom door seconds later in nothing but a robe. Neighbor Boy opens the door. He bites his lip, nods, and upstairs girl walks in the room, drops her robe, and goes straight into making out with other girl.

Neighbor Boy looks at both girls as they make out and touch each other’s breasts and says, “Let the threesome begin!”

END SCENE

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I’m pretty sure a lot of guys have these fantasies, but I feel like there are better ways to approach them. For me, I’m interested in a threesome, but I feel like I would like to meet all parties outside of the bedroom first, grab a drink or two, then hit the sheets. Maybe that’s just me. But, I also have a feeling I’m not alone in the random invite to join a guy while he’s already fucking someone else.

Is there a right way to start a threesome?

Yours Truly,
Kallie Pygus

 

Incredulous OKCupid Douche

I recently reopened my OKC account… it has already been deleted because of the surplus of guys who open with “DTF” and “I have a 5 inch penis” (yes, someone opened by telling me they have a 5 inch dick). This one guy in particular though, we’ll call him Incredulous OKC Douche, was on the edge of meeting me and he fucked up.

I am all for casual sex. I enjoy it. Once he got my number, he started texting obsessively trying to meet up with me and about how he loves watching a sexy white chick suck his dick and how he likes calling women “nasty bitch.” Some chicks like that, personally I don’t. As soon as he told me that, I stopped him and said it’s obvious that our sex styles are different so it probably wouldn’t work. He then told me I’m flakey and that I am all talk.

I couldn’t help but laugh. He is trying to neg me into fucking him by calling me flakey, that shit doesn’t work with me. I know what I want and what I like; he just doesn’t have it. Because he kept trying to push that I was all talk and no play, I sent him a link to my blog and told him to read for himself. I never do that, but he kept insisting that he knew I was fake. The incredulous douche still doesn’t believe me, so I’m posting this blog. So this post is dedicated to you, Mike NYC. Do you still think I’m fake? The proof is in the pudding, too bad you’ll never get mine.

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Some details from our texting last night and today.

For dude’s out there, have class. Yes, you want to get fucked. Maybe the “DTF” and “Suck my dick” lines work for some chicks, but if you tried to be a bit more subtle and throw in some playful banter, a chick might respond better. You catch more flies with honey not vinegar. Have some fucking respect when you’re talking to a woman.

Oh you poor tactless boy, didn’t your mommy ever tell you if you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all?

Yours Truly,
Kallie Pygus

Tinder Dick

I did a thing… I redownloaded tinder last Thursday and I already have a few stories for you. First, I will start off with Tinder Dick. After talking briefly with the generic “What’s up?” “What do you do for fun?” he changes the conversation drastically and asks, “So are you a naughty girl???”

I was about to write him off, but before I could send him a fuck you, he started sexting me. I went along. I messaged with him and told him all my kinks, sexted a bit, and took out my vibrator. He was getting me wet, so why not?

Well, at the end I thanked him for getting me off and told him we’d never fuck. #wastehistime2016

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Moral of the story for the boys reading this, please stop sending messages like “DTF,” “Are you naughty?,” “I’d like to cum on your face,” and anything related to fucking before you even try to get to know the woman in question. A real man has class and will take a lady out before seeing her naughty side.

Yours Truly,
Kallie Pygus