The Boys I Encounter – The Book?

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To all my fellow bloggers and lovely followers, would you read The Boys I Encounter––the book? Are there any posts that you found most intriguing? Any that you would omit? If you have any advice or insight that may help, it would be much appreciated.

I have always thought that when I could afford to put more time into The Boys I Encounter, I would like to turn it into a book, but I also have been dealing with a lot of personal issues since the beginning of 2017 and the dust is finally starting to settle (Fingers crossed).

I have about 71,000 words written for my blog which is basically enough to write a novel… That being said, for the people who have followed my blog from the start, obviously there would be a lot of rewriting to better intersect everything into a complete ongoing story and I would also need to fill in the gaps and finish what has remained unwritten. However, sharing my story to a larger audience would be beneficial, not just to myself, but also to young women starting to explore sex and to survivors of sexual abuse.

Now––as tension about sexual assault and the #MeToo movement is stronger than ever due to the Kavanaugh accusations––I have been reflecting on my experiences and traumas. The book will follow me through my childhood curiosities, teenage hormones, a more thorough explanation of the sexually and emotionally abusive relationships I’ve endured, the aftermath of rediscovering myself, navigating casual sex post abuse, and how all the boys I encountered helped reshape how I interpret healthy sexual and romantic relationships.

If you’re reading this and you’re in an abusive relationship, know that it is never too late to escape. I know from personal experience that it may seem impossible, it may seem that you are trapped, it may seem like there is a silver lining that never comes; I’ve lived it. There is no reason for someone to hold such power over you. You are your own person. Take control of your life and remove yourself from the situation before it gets worse.

You are strong enough to walk away.

Yours Truly,
Kallie Pygus

 

Birthday Sex Marathon: Days 4 & 5

Friday, December 9, 2016-Saturday, December 10, 2016

Happy birthday to me!

I woke up to texts, Facebook posts, messages, and calls from various friends and family to wish me a happy birthday. I also got a text from The Chef, a voice message from The Australian, and then a message from Neighbor Boy

Neighbor Boy and I hashed out how insensitive he was the night before.
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I don’t remember the comment that he made the night before? But regardless, he obviously wasn’t making shit better by telling me that my emotional breakdown was weirder than his comment.

After hashing it out, we made plans for that evening. His roommate’s birthday is a few days before mine, so his birthday party happened to be that night, which worked well for me. Double the party, one that night with roommates and neighbors plus their friends, then the next night was me and my friends. With this, I told Neighbor Boy I’d be home at 9pm and we could fuck before the party started at 10pm.

When I got home, I messaged him. He was failing….

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I was getting frustrated and he wasn’t delivering birthday sex as promised. Shortly after “That’s not my fault” he walked into my room. It was on.

We made out. I was still naked from my shower. He undressed quickly, continued to kiss me, then kissed down my body. There wasn’t much time till the party, so we kept it quick. As we finished, I told him he still owes me more birthday sex. He got dressed and headed down. I told him I’d be down shortly. After he left my room, I got dressed, took a selfie on snapchat to send The Australian my “Birthday Marathon day 4…” snap.

Once I was done getting ready, I made my way down to the party with a few of my roommates. I received hugs and happy birthdays from neighbors and friends as I arrived. Soon enough, drinks were poured, bowls were smoked, and games were played. Neighbor Boy and I hung out at the party as if we didn’t just fuck, and all went on.

That’s the thing about fuck buddies; there’s fucking when you’re behind closed doors, then there’s the way you interact in the real world. Neighbor Boy and I had a way of talking shit to each other when out of the bedroom. He’d say some sarcastic ass remark to me, and I would dish it back. The only way it was made known that we probably fucked is he’d walk by and grab my ass while we played pool. Other than that, there was no kissing, no physical contact, no real flirtation.

As the night progressed, I was getting a bit tipsy and my phone kept buzzing. It was The Australian. He was sending snap after snap and even a few messages on WhatsApp. I caved and started to message back and sent him some snaps. Had I been sober, I would have refrained. But the alcohol got the best of me and I enjoyed talking to him.

This caught Neighbor Boy’s attention. He came over to me and told me to put my phone away. I told him it’s my birthday and I could do whatever the fuck I wanted. He then insisted we played pool. I was just the right level of drunk to kick his ass. My claim for pool is that I have to be drunk. Too sober or too wasted I fail, but slightly drunk, I’m wonderful. As I kicked his ass, my brother texted that he was there and to meet him out front.

My brother and his friend came in and went straight to the pool table. I introduced him to Neighbor Boy. Shit was a little awkward, but the night went on. The four of us played doubles. Several rounds later it was nearing 4am. I was exhausted. I knew Neighbor Boy was drained. The party was dying. It was the four of us and maybe a few other people. My brother kept insisting another round. I finally had to tell him I was about to go up to my room and pass out. They left. Finally.

I went upstairs, Neighbor Boy stayed behind but said he’d meet me upstairs once he finished his cigarette and brushed his teeth. I messaged him when I got to my bed to tell him I was passing out but my door would be left unlocked. He came up and we fell asleep.

I woke up to Neighbor Boy pushing his morning wood against my ass. I rolled over and we got straight to business. It was fine, but I stopped him not long after we started. My triangle piercing was killing me. I couldn’t keep fucking, it was unbearable.

He left frustrated. I brushed it off and went on with my day. He messaged me later…

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My birthday marathon came to a wrap. I came a handful of times. Got tied up. Played with toys. All the oral sex. Semi-successful anal sex. Had an emotional breakdown. The actual birthday sex quicky. Morning after birthday piercing pain. There were ups and downs, but I was satisfied overall.

Yours Truly,
Kallie Pygus

Fuck 2017, Happy New Year!

Without giving too much away… 2017 has truly been bitch and a half with glimpses of hope for the future. I spent the first week of the year bedridden due to the flu. Then I slipped into a deep depression that’s been looming over me for quite some time before it hit hard. I couldn’t help but cry almost every day for months, slept all day most days, and nearly lost control of my life for a while. The entire year, I’ve seen various doctors 1-3 times a month for several health reasons, most resolved by now, some I’m still working on. Piled on top of this, my period was progressively getting worse every month, the only option was to switch IUDs from Paragard (which I’ve had for about 4 years already) to a Mirena, and then I was still bleeding for an entire month with terrible cramps.

Because of my health, period issues, and depression, my casual sex in 2017 was very sporadic, especially for the first half of the year. As things started to look up, I set goals to road trip and tinder across America in 2018 (further details coming soon). Then as summer hit, I reopened my online dating and started to get back on the field, collecting new players for my roster of boys. One boy lined up after another. All was falling back into place, then Chlamydia happened… Just as quickly as I lined them up, I started to turn them all away, or at least most of them. There were two key players left.

I thought the first half of the year was tough, but then the second half hit just as hard. Sometime after my IUD switch, my ex boyfriend of six years, The Man Child, called me. He recently broke up with his girlfriend (who made him cut ties with me), and he wanted to hear my voice. We talked for thirty minutes and I broke down crying after we hung up. After that, he continued to text and call, he wanted to stay in touch.

Arguments progressively got worse and worse with me and two of my roommates which just piled more shit on top of my shitty ass year. Neither of them seemed to have any sympathy or care about what I was going through. Months of us arguing I was finally fed up with it and tried to sit them down and have a mature conversation about how we’re all treating each other; this really didn’t go anywhere. The tension between all of my roommates, plus realizing that I really need to cut my expenses to make my 2018 road trip a reality, pushed me to move out of my artist loft and to an apartment where I would save half on rent.

During the weeks before my move, I had meltdown after meltdown as I did my much-needed purge. I had boxes upon boxes of stuff I couldn’t bring myself to throw out when The Man Child and I broke up. When I broke up with him, I threw all of our apartment into boxes and never looked through it for three years and now it was all looking at me in the face as I finally did my purge.

A week before my move and a day before Thanksgiving, I was in a car accident. It was a hit and run, I was slowing at a red light and was rear ended hard by an SUV and pushed into the car in front of me. Lucky I have insurance, so my $4000 of car damages and all my medical bills were covered, but I was out of work for about 3.5 weeks and out a $500 deductible, plus my entire body hurt from whiplash. Once I got back on my feet, I was barely back to work for 1.5 weeks and got in a second car accident not even a week before Christmas. This time it was not a hit and run, but I was rear ended again, but due to several cars slamming on their brakes on the expressway, which made me slam on mine then the guy behind me slammed on his brakes too late. Another $4000 of car damages, another $500 deductible, more whiplash on top of whiplash, and out of work again for almost 2 weeks. I’m slowly recovering from both the accidents and will continue to see my chiropractor and do physical therapy until the pain fully dissipates.

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I think that about sums up 2017 (at least most of the negatives), but I could have missed a few, or even left a few out to not spoil what’s to come. All of this bullshit piled onto more bullshit has really fucked up my year. However there’s an upside to 2017; I somehow found myself in a monogamous relationship with the most amazing guy. My boyfriend made a lot of the bullshit fade because his positive energy is infectious. He is truly the sweetest, most thoughtful, funny, creative, passionate, and genuine person (the list could go on and on, but I will spare you). Falling in love with him has given me hope for what’s to come in 2018 and I look forward to see where our relationship takes us. A reveal on who he is will come eventually, but I’ve still got December 9th, 2016 through the first several months of 2017 to write about.

Although I am happy overall right now, I still say fuck 2017! Here’s to a brighter future. Happy New Year everyone! ❤

Yours Truly,
Kallie Pygus

Birthday Sex Marathon: Day 1

Birthday sex… probably some of my favorite sex. When it’s your birthday, your sex partners are pretty much obligated to make sure your birthday sex is everything you want and more. And while it’s your birthday, why not try to stretch it out as many days as you can? So I had myself a bit of a birthday sex marathon last year. To help my case in stretching out my birthday sex to a full 5 day marathon, I used my freshly healed piercings as leverage; after about 10 weeks my triangle piercing was healed, plus the vertical clitoral hood was also healed after 2 weeks. I timed the healing of my piercings perfectly so I could get all the birthday sex and oral I wanted.

Tuesday, December 6, 2016

Hardly a week since The Australian has left the country and he was still keeping his word. We messaged every day from the time he woke up to the time I went to bed. It was really sweet, most mornings I would wake up to a few snaps and a voice message from him. He really knew how to win a girl over, even from the opposite side of the country. As my birthday week approached, I warned him that I was going to be swamped with birthday plans pretty much every night so my attention to him would be cut short. Just before going out on Tuesday, I sent him a selfie on snapchat reading, “Day 1 of my birthday marathon…” Then went off to my plans.

The Chef and I met up for drinks. We made out, played a few rounds of pool, made out some more. As we finished up our last game, we sat and had another drink, a couple came up and asked if we were still playing. We told them no and the table was all theirs. We got back to our drinks and made out some here and there. The couple kept making eyes at us. We laughed, then headed out.

As we left the bar, he turned to me, pinned me against the wall and kissed me some more. When he pulled back from the kiss, he told me, “That couple totally wanted us.”

I laughed, “Oh totally… too bad they weren’t my type.”

We made our way to get some food. Cheap burgers at Red Hot Ranch. I went on a rant about how I much prefer a good time and cheap food over a fancy stuck up restaurant any day (although good food at a fancy restaurant is fucking delicious, just not my thing for a first date, second date, third date… more like a special occasion type of date). He made note.

After cheap food, we made our way to a dive bar and got another round of drinks. We sat at a dark booth towards the back of the bar. We chatted some, made out some more. After about 30 minutes of being there, it was announced that it just so happened to be a stand up comedy night that night.

Ever single comedian that got on the stage made some sort of comment about “What a cute couple,” or “Look at them, they are going to have the cutest babies,” or the one that didn’t beat around the bush, “Let’s just clear things up here, his chocolate skin against her milky white is what we need to see more of in this country.” So being an interracial couple in a bar during stand-up equals being the center of attention even though we went to the furthest darkest booth in the bar… you’re welcome for the material I guess?

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After the stand-up, we went back to my place and straight to my bedroom. All that making out throughout the evening had me soaking wet. We stripped down pretty quick. He knew my piercings were healed and so he went straight for the kill, mouth kissed down my body and down to taste my wetness.

He licked my clit as he slid his fingers in and out. This was the first time I was able to have oral in about 10 weeks and something was falling short. He did just fine, but I found myself bored. I kept trying to tell him to try a few different things, and tried to raise and lower my hips, but nothing was working all that well, then my triangle piercing started to hurt. I took that as a sign to just call quits on oral and pulled him up. I had high hopes for him based on his kissing skills, but was kind of disappointed.

As I pulled him up, he insisted on going back down, but I told him my piercing was sore, so probably best not to eat me anymore. I was tempted to just tell him he was only sub-par, but I was also hoping that maybe it was just my piercing and that hopefully the next time would be better.

We got back to kissing. Oh my god… so much better than the oral. How can he kiss so fucking good, but have me bored when he’s eating me? It was a complete mystery to me. As the kissing got more heated, he was rock hard, I gave him a condom to put on, then I slipped him into my soaking wet pussy. His throbbing, thick, large cock filled me up as he slid in.

As he slid in and out, his body pushed into mine and the piercings tickled my clit. It felt pretty fucking amazing, that is, until he slipped out when we were changing positions and his dick hit my triangle piercing.

“Fuck!!!” I cried in pain.

The night was over. I wasn’t going to cum anymore and I wasn’t feeling it enough to keep trying. He laid in my bed for a little bit, I got up and cleaned my piercings. As I got back to the bed, I kissed him a little, then told him I had to be up early (aka get the fuck out).

He got the hint, got dressed, and went home. I took a shower and then snapped The Australian a sexy pic, “home from day 1 of my birthday marathon.” He responded with several heart eye emojis, we chatted some more until I drifted off to sleep.

It felt weird, having this ongoing messaging with a guy all the way on the opposite side of the world as I filled my nights fucking other dudes, but then again, why would I commit myself to someone that far away when I’ve hardly spent two days physically with him? I can hardly commit myself to someone I see regularly, I’m not going to treat The Australian any different.

Yours Truly,
Kallie Pygus

 

The Australian

As I drove home from Virginia with my brother, I texted back and forth with The Australian. He was cocky yet sweet in his delivery of every word he texted. I like the fine line of flirty banter and sarcastic undertone. We were planning our first date. He suggested skating at the ice ribbon downtown Chicago where we had bets on if he would fall or not because he’s Australian and has very little winter experience. Winner of the bet gets a kiss from the loser.

As I got closer and closer to Chicago, he insisted I come and cuddle with him in his bed at 5am (my ETA). I declined. I needed real sleep in my own bed and I knew that he and I wouldn’t be sleeping much, plus I couldn’t climb into bed with a guy I’ve never met before. I resisted and told him I’d be free by 6pm.

We made plans to check out the ice ribbon downtown, the Australian invited two of his roommates and one of his roommate’s date. The four of them picked me up around 6:30 and we made our way to the ice ribbon. Well, once we got there, they were no longer renting skates, plus there was a wait so the game plan changed.

The Australian invited me back to his place to watch a movie. Usually I wouldn’t go to a guy’s place without a full date first, but he was sweet, we’ve already talked for hours on end the past several days, plus in the 45 minutes of driving and walking around the park we seemed to vibe well. I accepted the invitation and we made our way back to his place, but first stopped at mine so he and I could get in my car so the other three could go to their other plans.

Once back at his place, we settled in his room, put on a movie and chatted throughout, laughing, and having a really good time. He and I meshed well quick. It felt natural laying in his bed with him, his arm around me, cuddling and holding me. It wasn’t until the very end of the movie that he tried to kiss me. It was sensual and sweet. As the credits to the movie ended and the room grew silent, I told him to put something else on.

During our texting banter earlier in the week, I made a joke about how I base my life off One Tree Hill and Dawson’s Creek, two show’s I’ve only seen a few episode of each. He instantly jumped at that and told me he loves One Tree Hill. I told him I was only joking, but he was absolutely serious. In this moment of silence after the movie when I told him to put something else on, his brilliant idea was to put on One Tree Hill, try to get me hooked before he left for Australia.

Hardly past the intro credits, we were back to kissing and the show became just background noise. As the kissing progressed and became more heated, I had to stop him and tell him I couldn’t fuck him or get eaten at the moment, I just got my Vertical Clitoral Hood pierced last week and it was still healing.

I could have fucked him… but I put that restraint up because as much as I wanted to, I also just feel more comfortable letting my piercings heal and avoid sex especially with a new partner during that time. He shook his head and told me he will just have to tease me all night then. A full night of endless foreplay. It was super hot. It was almost like reliving high school, the period where you’re still a virgin and making out and rubbing all over each other’s bodies got you beyond sexually charged. That’s the kind of extended foreplay most guys lack and The Australian was all for it, even without any sex in the end.

A few more hours passed of hanging out and talking and making out and laying naked with each other. It was nice to be this comfortable with someone I just met. As 4am hit, I realized that there was no way I’d get any sleep if I stayed at his place, we would have easily stayed up kissing and talking all night. I was exhausted and had work the next day. I told him I should leave, he walked me to my car, it was raining, he put his coat on my shoulders although I was already wearing one. He asked if he could see me tomorrow; it was his last day before he left for Australia for three months. I agreed.

The next day, he came over to my place to watch more One Tree Hill, why not? He got his teen drama with basketball, I got Chad Michael Murray. We made out some, but this time, he insisted we actually watch it. He told me he was going to quiz me after and I would have to pass the test if I wanted him to keep kissing me. It was cute. Not many guys I’ve seen over the past few years were capable of sitting through an entire movie or TV show in bed without making a move. We laid there cuddling, talking some, but watching the show. At the end of the episode, he quizzed me, but I failed the test. The questions were very specific so no kisses for me.

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All the kissing and teasing was in his hands, and he loved denying me the pleasure. We watched another episode, this time I was focussed. I wouldn’t let him distract me. I was determined to ace the test. As the second episode finished, he quizzed me again. This time I got 100%, passed with flying colors and the kissing and teasing was on.

As the kissing and teasing progressed, I contemplated fucking him. I really wanted to, but something still held me back. The piercing, maybe. The idea he was leaving the next day for Australia, possibly. Whatever it was, I resisted no matter how sexually charged I became.

There was a moment we paused and caught our breath from all the kissing and foreplay. He suggested a massage. I accepted and let him rub his hands all over my back as I fully relaxed. As he finished up, he kissed me, I turned around, and reached down to his cock. He looked at me in anticipation.

I pushed him over, and had him sit on the edge of the bed and kneeled before him, slowly taking my time kissing down his body, making my way to kissing just the tip. I teased him and licked up and down and then as I started to take him into my mouth, he thrusted. He is that guy, the guy that will try to mouth fuck you. I let it slide for a little bit as it wasn’t too bad to start, but then as the blowjob continued, he grabbed my head and literally face-fucked me fast and hard making me gag. I stopped him, told him to slow the fuck down and if he wanted me to blow him I needed to breath and not feel like I was a fuck toy.

He apologized. He said he was just excited. I got back to blowing him, but was pretty turned off at that point and he still tried to thrust some, but not as aggressively. Ugh, total turn off. Why do guys like face-fucking?

He came on my tits. I wiped them off, then we laid back in my bed cuddling and kissing and talking some more. Around 4am as we both started to drift off, he got up and said he should leave because he still had more packing to do and errands to run before his flight tomorrow afternoon. I walked him to the front door and we said our good-byes and he promised to keep in touch.

Face-fucking aside, I did like him. He was cute, sweet, funny, but he was about to be living on the opposite side of the world for three months. I’ve only known the guy two days. I wanted to trust that we would stay in touch, but I also don’t believe in long distance relationships. Fuck! This is gonna be a long three months… What did I get myself in to?

Yours Truly,
Kallie Pygus

Letting Go

Shortly after I bought my njoy butt plug (See Baby Steps to Build Trust), I got The Perfect Triangle… piercing which was not so perfect. I had 8-10 weeks to heal. That meant 8-10 weeks of no oral sex, and being extra cautious of my new piercing. During this time, Neighbor Boy insisted on using the plug regularly. If I was blowing him, he’d tell me to “Grab the plug.” If we were fucking, “Grab the plug.” If I we were taking out my vibes, “Grab the plug.” If we were sexting, he’d tell me to get out my favorite vibe and “Grab the plug.” He didn’t quite push for anal, but he was eager to get me into the sensation and the idea of anal.

Almost 8 weeks of this and it was working. I was really getting into the plug so much so that I started using it on my own time as well. Sometimes, I would get wet and worked up just thinking about it. I craved the full feeling the weighted plug gave me. As 8 weeks came to a wrap, I started to bring up anal to Neighbor Boy, telling him we should try it when my piercing is healed.

There was only a short window of time anal was going to happen. I wanted my triangle to be healed, but shortly after my triangle was healed, I was getting my VCH repierced. Having oral sex on the table pre-anal was important to me. I wanted to make sure I was fully satisfied and at ease before letting him penetrate my ass.

It was late November. We were messaging as per usual, probably even sexting some, almost like our foreplay before we were supposed to hang out that evening. I brought up that we should try anal that night. He was excited, but told me he expects me to have my plug in and vibe going before he got there so I was extra worked up already.

Although I was excited, I was also anxious about the situation and him telling me to get myself ready before he got there was a huge turn off and quite aggravating. Him telling me to start playing with myself before he comes to fuck me can usually be hot, but this time, because it was to prep for anal, it was more upsetting than a turn on.

I told him I wanted him to come eat me and crank up the foreplay and ease me into it. I explained to him I’ve had a bad experience with anal before (kind of alluding to what happened without directly saying I was raped by Roid Douche yet) and that him helping me be comfortable and relaxed beforehand would be very important.

Well… this conversation quickly went south. I was getting more and more anxious and upset and kept pushing what I wanted and he got frustrated and said that “It’s starting to sound like work and I’m not really feeling it for tonight anymore.” Which of course pushed me over the edge and the night was canceled, at least for the moment.

Because of this, I met up with my gay hubby. We went and got coffee and I vented. The more I vented, the more I realized how stupid the argument was. Yes, he was being an asshole, but my anxiety and frustration wasn’t fully explained to him. I was basically freaking out and he (unaware of what actually happened to me) was responding poorly to my unexplained pushiness.

It was an unseasonably warm November day for Chicago. Although anal was off the table, I texted him to say we should take advantage of the nice weather and fuck on the roof because it was probably our last opportunity before Spring. We put our anal argument on pause to talk more about it later and agreed to finally have the roof sex we’ve been talking about since day one.

When he came up, I grabbed a condom and we went straight up to the roof. I locked the roof door behind us, a cautionary measure taken to buy us a little time if someone tried to come up. After some brief making out, he told me to turn around, lift my dress, drop my panties, and bend over on the edge of the roof. I complied. He kissed my inner thighs and made his way to my pussy with his tongue, teasing me, getting me worked up, just barely tasting me.

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Right when I thought he’d lick my clit, he stood up, dropped his pants, and put the condom on. He started out slowly inserting his dick little by little, making me want to push my hips back into his. With every thrust he went a little deeper and a little quicker until he was fucking me at that perfect pace. As he fucked me, I looked over the ledge, my heart racing, partially because a slight fear of heights, partially because the adrenaline rushing thinking about how anyone could look up from the street and see me bent over the ledge.

After a few minutes of this rush, he pulled out, laid on the roof and told me to ride him. I listened, straddled him, and rode his cock. He finished, I didn’t. I kissed him softly, then stood up and put my panties back on. He took the condom off and put on his pants. As we walked back inside and headed down the back stairs, he tied up the condom, and shoved it in a pocket of the drooping ceiling. I didn’t realize this until we got back to my room and he told me.

Once back in my room, after he divulged the condom ceiling information and I scolded him, I told him a little more about Roid Douche, I didn’t go into detail, but gave him enough to help him understand why I was upset about our earlier anal discussion. He told me he understood and wants me to be comfortable and wants to make sure it’s something I enjoy.

I want to trust him. I want to be able to get over this fear I have. I want to let go of the past. I want to move on.

Yours Truly,
Kallie Pygus

Intimacy, Sex, and Freedom

I’m about a week late on this. A year and some odd days ago, I started The Boys I Encounter. First and foremost, thank you to all of my followers. You have liked and commented and supported my blog, and I am grateful you have been there every step and through my ups and downs. I know that sometimes I go weeks without posting and sometimes I post every day for several days straight. Very inconsistent, but that’s life.

A little over a year ago, I opened my blog with my Introduction and quick follow up to declare I’m Taking a Break from Boys. What sparked this urge to write a one year post was actually a boy I was just beginning to forget. This boy is Sexy Six Pack Boy, he re-added me on snapchat today and I realized it has been just over a year since I spoke to him and that he was the pivotal point in pushing me to my boy break and thus the starting point of The Boys I Encounter.

When I saw his name flash on my screen notifying that he added me as a friend, my heart skipped a beat. I knew from the start when I met him that he wasn’t Mr. Right, but Sexy Six Pack Boy, although this masculine sexual being that I met on Tinder, he was actually genuinely sweet. I am generally good at hiding my emotions and not opening up especially when I know there is no potential for more, but he broke me down, and I began to like him.

Maybe eventually I will write in detail that story, but for now, I will leave you wondering what actually happened. How long did we date? What was it about him that wasn’t perfect? Why did my emotional wall break for him? Why did it end?

Right now, although I liked him back then, if he snapped me or texted me, I don’t think I would go back to him. He already fucked that up and it’s too late. He pushed me into my break from boys and got me writing. So for that, I want to thank Sexy Six Pack Boy. Thank you for getting me expressing my views on sex and life and dating. Thank you for making me realize that it is ok to be completely single sometimes. Thank you for helping me break my emotional wall even if that made me vulnerable. Thank you for making me vulnerable and in turn, I am now stronger. Thank you for teaching me what I really want isn’t you and I shouldn’t settle for something that isn’t right for me. And thank you for adding me back on snapchat a year later so I can be strong enough to turn you down.

I don’t need any boys in my life, for the boys I choose to keep around, keep that in mind. You are a part of my life because I want you there. Even if we just met, even if we are just casual, even if we’re just fucking, even if we’re just talking and have yet to fuck… you are someone I want. You have something I desire. You are someone I like.

Once again, I don’t need any boys in my life, for the boys I decide not to see anymore, keep that in mind. If you hurt me, if I don’t want to see you, if we grow apart, if I tell you to fuck off… please leave me alone. I no longer want you. I no longer desire you. I no longer like you.

Through writing The Boys I Encounter for the past year, I have been able to use my blog as a point of reflection, a way to learn more about myself. I know I am not perfect. I know I go through phases of fucking and taking breaks and phases of writing and not writing. I know I open and close and reopen dating apps. I know what I want with sex and what I don’t want. I know I sometimes get in crazy situations, but I also know I can always walk away and have walked away even mid-fuck. I know that I love sex.

The biggest revelation I have found (maybe not associated with my writing, but still important) is that I am leaning more and more toward non-monogamy or polyamory. I don’t think I can be with one person for the rest of my life without the freedom to fuck whoever I please. I am realizing that I crave sex with various people. I am realizing I am good at understanding the difference between sex and intimacy and am capable of separating the two. I am realizing I want intimacy with someone who I can be this open sexual being with. I want someone who can accept me and my sexual needs. I want someone who doesn’t want me to change.

I want intimacy, sex, and freedom. I want to be unapologetically me.

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A snap from me to you, my loyal readers. Thanks. 😉

Yours Truly,
Kallie Pygus