Fuck 2017, Happy New Year!

Without giving too much away… 2017 has truly been bitch and a half with glimpses of hope for the future. I spent the first week of the year bedridden due to the flu. Then I slipped into a deep depression that’s been looming over me for quite some time before it hit hard. I couldn’t help but cry almost every day for months, slept all day most days, and nearly lost control of my life for a while. The entire year, I’ve seen various doctors 1-3 times a month for several health reasons, most resolved by now, some I’m still working on. Piled on top of this, my period was progressively getting worse every month, the only option was to switch IUDs from Paragard (which I’ve had for about 4 years already) to a Mirena, and then I was still bleeding for an entire month with terrible cramps.

Because of my health, period issues, and depression, my casual sex in 2017 was very sporadic, especially for the first half of the year. As things started to look up, I set goals to road trip and tinder across America in 2018 (further details coming soon). Then as summer hit, I reopened my online dating and started to get back on the field, collecting new players for my roster of boys. One boy lined up after another. All was falling back into place, then Chlamydia happened… Just as quickly as I lined them up, I started to turn them all away, or at least most of them. There were two key players left.

I thought the first half of the year was tough, but then the second half hit just as hard. Sometime after my IUD switch, my ex boyfriend of six years, The Man Child, called me. He recently broke up with his girlfriend (who made him cut ties with me), and he wanted to hear my voice. We talked for thirty minutes and I broke down crying after we hung up. After that, he continued to text and call, he wanted to stay in touch.

Arguments progressively got worse and worse with me and two of my roommates which just piled more shit on top of my shitty ass year. Neither of them seemed to have any sympathy or care about what I was going through. Months of us arguing I was finally fed up with it and tried to sit them down and have a mature conversation about how we’re all treating each other; this really didn’t go anywhere. The tension between all of my roommates, plus realizing that I really need to cut my expenses to make my 2018 road trip a reality, pushed me to move out of my artist loft and to an apartment where I would save half on rent.

During the weeks before my move, I had meltdown after meltdown as I did my much-needed purge. I had boxes upon boxes of stuff I couldn’t bring myself to throw out when The Man Child and I broke up. When I broke up with him, I threw all of our apartment into boxes and never looked through it for three years and now it was all looking at me in the face as I finally did my purge.

A week before my move and a day before Thanksgiving, I was in a car accident. It was a hit and run, I was slowing at a red light and was rear ended hard by an SUV and pushed into the car in front of me. Lucky I have insurance, so my $4000 of car damages and all my medical bills were covered, but I was out of work for about 3.5 weeks and out a $500 deductible, plus my entire body hurt from whiplash. Once I got back on my feet, I was barely back to work for 1.5 weeks and got in a second car accident not even a week before Christmas. This time it was not a hit and run, but I was rear ended again, but due to several cars slamming on their brakes on the expressway, which made me slam on mine then the guy behind me slammed on his brakes too late. Another $4000 of car damages, another $500 deductible, more whiplash on top of whiplash, and out of work again for almost 2 weeks. I’m slowly recovering from both the accidents and will continue to see my chiropractor and do physical therapy until the pain fully dissipates.

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I think that about sums up 2017 (at least most of the negatives), but I could have missed a few, or even left a few out to not spoil what’s to come. All of this bullshit piled onto more bullshit has really fucked up my year. However there’s an upside to 2017; I somehow found myself in a monogamous relationship with the most amazing guy. My boyfriend made a lot of the bullshit fade because his positive energy is infectious. He is truly the sweetest, most thoughtful, funny, creative, passionate, and genuine person (the list could go on and on, but I will spare you). Falling in love with him has given me hope for what’s to come in 2018 and I look forward to see where our relationship takes us. A reveal on who he is will come eventually, but I’ve still got December 9th, 2016 through the first several months of 2017 to write about.

Although I am happy overall right now, I still say fuck 2017! Here’s to a brighter future. Happy New Year everyone! ❤

Yours Truly,
Kallie Pygus

Threesome? A tale of two dicks…

So during my brief time on OKC, I met a dude (Dick #1) that was super hot and I was totally down for something casual, so I gave him my number. Once we got texting, he proceeded to ask about my sex history, and then asked if I have ever had a threesome. I haven’t, and it is something I really am interested in, so I told him I would be open to it. He quickly jumped in saying that we should have a threesome eventually. Eventually is the key word.

Well that eventually, to me, insinuated that we would meet first, probably fuck, and then discuss a threesome at a later date. No. At least that’s not what that meant to him. He texted his friend and told him about me. I went along with it because frankly, both guys were cute, so why not?

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Dick #1 gave Dick #2 my phone number… Wtf dude?

Dick #1 gave Dick #2 my number without my permission. I still continued to text both of them, but to my understanding still, I was going to meet Dick #1 first before meeting Dick #2. So over a few days, both of them texted me, and I was honest with both of them and answered every question they asked. I enjoy talking about sex and have nothing to hide.

Well Dick #2 kept asking questions like “What is the wildest thing you’ve done?” I told him about when I met Tampa Boy (Red Flags Equal Fun) and he even asked for the full story. I didn’t have time to really text out the dirty details, so I sent him a link to my blog. At this point, I really didn’t care if they were aware of my blog, they’re both down to fuck and have a threesome, I’m sure the blog wouldn’t phase them. At least that’s what I thought…

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Dick #2 got upset that I wanted to meet Dick #1 first. Boo fucking hoo.

We texted all weekend, and then today Dick #2 asked to arrange a time to meet me. I was honest, and told him I had to meet Dick #1 first because he is who I chose to meet from OKC, and Dick #2 is just a third in the mix. Dick #2 got pissed, but at this point, he should have just been ok with it, after all, I haven’t met Dick #1 yet.

As soon as Dick #2 got pissed, Dick #1 texted me to tell me I’m pathetic because they are basically attached at the hip or something. You can read the whole conversation below…

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Dick #1 called me pathetic. Priceless. Really, I couldn’t stop laughing.

Now I’ve come to three different conclusions:

  1. Dick #1 was really just trying to get Dick #2 laid and neither really wanted to have a threesome.
  2. Dick #2 has two phone numbers, set up a fake OKC account for Dick #1 with some hot ass photos to lure chicks in and then was texting as Dick #1 to get himself laid.
  3. Dicks #1 and #2 both got too into my blog and saw my post (Incredulous OKCupid Douche) from yesterday, now they think I’m “flakey” so they both decided to pull out of the threesome.

Either way, lesson, don’t agree to a threesome with someone you haven’t met in person yet. Also, I should really stop sharing my blog with guys I plan on fucking. Lastly, there’s some fucked up people out there, you might be getting catfished, be careful ladies.

Yours Truly,
Kallie Pygus

P.S. I’m sorry to those who come to read about my real life encounters, these douchebags from OKC needed a story of their own apparently. I promise, there are several encounters in the works that I’m writing from the past couple weeks, I just need to finish them and edit.

Incredulous OKCupid Douche

I recently reopened my OKC account… it has already been deleted because of the surplus of guys who open with “DTF” and “I have a 5 inch penis” (yes, someone opened by telling me they have a 5 inch dick). This one guy in particular though, we’ll call him Incredulous OKC Douche, was on the edge of meeting me and he fucked up.

I am all for casual sex. I enjoy it. Once he got my number, he started texting obsessively trying to meet up with me and about how he loves watching a sexy white chick suck his dick and how he likes calling women “nasty bitch.” Some chicks like that, personally I don’t. As soon as he told me that, I stopped him and said it’s obvious that our sex styles are different so it probably wouldn’t work. He then told me I’m flakey and that I am all talk.

I couldn’t help but laugh. He is trying to neg me into fucking him by calling me flakey, that shit doesn’t work with me. I know what I want and what I like; he just doesn’t have it. Because he kept trying to push that I was all talk and no play, I sent him a link to my blog and told him to read for himself. I never do that, but he kept insisting that he knew I was fake. The incredulous douche still doesn’t believe me, so I’m posting this blog. So this post is dedicated to you, Mike NYC. Do you still think I’m fake? The proof is in the pudding, too bad you’ll never get mine.

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Some details from our texting last night and today.

For dude’s out there, have class. Yes, you want to get fucked. Maybe the “DTF” and “Suck my dick” lines work for some chicks, but if you tried to be a bit more subtle and throw in some playful banter, a chick might respond better. You catch more flies with honey not vinegar. Have some fucking respect when you’re talking to a woman.

Oh you poor tactless boy, didn’t your mommy ever tell you if you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all?

Yours Truly,
Kallie Pygus

Capture the Flag Boy and MIA Texts #2

May 13th I got a text from Caden aka Capture the Flag Boy. The last time I heard from him, he was trying to hang out Valentine’s Day, then before that, it was December. In today’s casual hookup culture, people come and go. One second, you’re hanging out regularly, the next, the person is MIA and suddenly reappears months later. This is post two of five about Capture the Flag Boy and MIA Texts.

Capture the Flag Boy and MIA Texts #2

After the first date (see Capture the Flag Boy and MIA Texts #1), we texted back and forth for a few weeks trying to make plans to hang out again, but our schedules never aligned. We both eventually gave up and I almost totally forgot about him, that is, until a month later. Capture the Flag Boy added me on Facebook about a month after we stopped texting each other.

I was a bit thrown off. Generally I don’t add guys on Facebook I’ve only been on one date with, especially if we met online. I accepted it, then texted him to sarcastically question the befriending. We then caught up via text and he told me he was volunteering as a stage hand for a theatre and offered me free tickets to the show. I accepted and gave him a date for the show a couple weeks later.

The night before the show, my roommate Andy had a friend over photographing him. I have a bit of photography experience myself, so when I saw the strobe in Andy’s room, I was eager to see what was going on. I watched as they finished up their shoot, then I went and sat to do some work in the living room. Once they tore down the lighting, Andy was getting dressed for them to go out that evening. His friend, David, came out and introduced himself. David is about 5’9″, much shorter than I usually go for, but still taller than me. He’s got freckles, light brown eyes, brown hair, and perfect teeth with a great smile. Very sweet and boyish features.

David told me about his experience as a photographer and how he went to college with Andy. We got talking about all things photo and the conversation was flawlessly smooth. We instantly became comfortable with one another. As Andy came out and saw us talking, he interrupted and said I should come out to the bars with them. I agreed, got dressed, and we all headed out.

Andy was DJing a set at the first bar of the evening, so when we arrived, he went to the DJ booth and David and I were left alone at the table together. We got chatting again and naturally fell into light, flirty conversation. I was trying to be supportive of Andy as he was DJing, but was so distracted by David. When Andy came down from the booth, David and I both congratulated Andy, and Andy stole David away from me for a smoke.

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When they came back, Andy said we should all go dancing. I agreed and we were off to the next bar. We walked in, David asked what I wanted to drink and he made his way to the bar as Andy and I made our way to the back dancing area. Andy told me that David liked me, which was obvious. He then proceeded to tell me how good of a guy he is. Caveat, David doesn’t live in Chicago. I didn’t care, I really liked him.

David came bearing drinks. We sat on the couches in the back of the club and sipped and chatted some more. David now sitting right next to me, he put his hand on my thigh, gently rubbing it. He was sweet, but obviously nervous. It seemed like he was unsure of how to navigate the scenario.

Several of our friends showed up. I got up and gave hugs, and then they pulled me to the dance floor. I looked at David and did a come hither finger motion. He followed us to the dance floor. It was soul night, so it was lighter and more harmless than a night of grinding at the club. David and I danced and laughed and danced some more. It was a 4am bar and we didn’t realize the time till lights went up and it was last call.

Andy, David, and I waved down a cab and went home. David, who was planning on crashing on a couch, asked if he could crash on my bed. He said that we didn’t need to have sex or anything, he just wanted something more comfortable than a couch. I laughed and told him of course, I was already planning on having him sleep in my bed.

We got home and I took him straight to my room. I got down to my tank top and underwear and he stripped down to his boxers. We hadn’t kissed or anything at this point, but we were already half naked. I climbed into bed. He followed. We laid there and started talking. If all the talking and dancing wasn’t enough, we continued. After about another hour of talking, he finally made his move and kissed me. We ended up making out for a while and pausing every once in a while to chat more. There was some feeling each other up, but he was very hesitant with every little thing he did. I wanted to sleep with him, but I was also kind of liking the slow pace he was setting.

After a couple hours of this, we realized it was 7am and he had to wake up by 10am. He spooned me and we cuddled then next three hours until his alarm went off. The next morning, we ate breakfast, he said his good bye and told me if I was ever near him in Bloomington, I should call him. He had one more night in Chicago, but already had plans with another friend.

I went back to bed and then several hours later woke up to get ready for the theatre. I brought my friend Geoffrey to the show. It was a hot summer day, I dressed up in a sexy short black, red, and white paisley dress and black wedges. We arrived, got our tickets from will call and found our seats. There was absolutely no cell phone reception in the theatre, so I couldn’t text Caden to thank him and say that we made it, but he found us anyways. He was up in the balcony so he yelled down to say hi. Oh my god, I forgot how sexy his smile was. He black and puerto rican mixed, long maintained dreads, angular facial features, tall, fit, and great eyes.

During intermission, Geoffrey and I went outside to chat and so he could smoke a cigarette. I told Geoffrey everything about David and Caden. I explained I just met David last night, but kind of wanted to see if him and his friend wanted to meet us for drinks, but I also wanted to tell Caden he should join us as a thank you for the tickets. Geoffrey helped me and said I should text David and see what he says because he only has one night left and if he can’t I can then tell Caden. This seemed like a great idea, so I texted David.

We then went back into the receptionless theatre and watched the 2nd half of the show. When the show ended, Geoffrey and I made our way out, but Caden stopped us along the way. We thanked him, I introduced Geoffrey to him, and said I would be right back with them so I could step out to the bathroom to check my phone. Once in the bathroom, I tried checking my phone, but because of the lack of cell reception, there was nothing. I went back out to the boys. Caden was kind of lingering, I then thanked him again and told him we should get drinks sometime next week because I had a friend in town that night and already had plans with him, hoping that David would still message me. We said our goodbyes and Geoffrey and I walked out.

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As soon as we got out of the theatre, I got the text. David wasn’t able to make it out that night. I blew off Caden with hope of seeing David, but that failed. I was bummed, but then went and danced my sorrows away in Boystown with Geoffrey.

After that night, Caden disappeared yet again for another month… a recurring theme with Capture the Flag Boy. Boys that go MIA instantly fall into the red flag category, yet for some reason he still had me intrigued.

Yours Truly,
Kallie Pygus