The Boys I Encounter – The Book?

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To all my fellow bloggers and lovely followers, would you read The Boys I Encounter––the book? Are there any posts that you found most intriguing? Any that you would omit? If you have any advice or insight that may help, it would be much appreciated.

I have always thought that when I could afford to put more time into The Boys I Encounter, I would like to turn it into a book, but I also have been dealing with a lot of personal issues since the beginning of 2017 and the dust is finally starting to settle (Fingers crossed).

I have about 71,000 words written for my blog which is basically enough to write a novel… That being said, for the people who have followed my blog from the start, obviously there would be a lot of rewriting to better intersect everything into a complete ongoing story and I would also need to fill in the gaps and finish what has remained unwritten. However, sharing my story to a larger audience would be beneficial, not just to myself, but also to young women starting to explore sex and to survivors of sexual abuse.

Now––as tension about sexual assault and the #MeToo movement is stronger than ever due to the Kavanaugh accusations––I have been reflecting on my experiences and traumas. The book will follow me through my childhood curiosities, teenage hormones, a more thorough explanation of the sexually and emotionally abusive relationships I’ve endured, the aftermath of rediscovering myself, navigating casual sex post abuse, and how all the boys I encountered helped reshape how I interpret healthy sexual and romantic relationships.

If you’re reading this and you’re in an abusive relationship, know that it is never too late to escape. I know from personal experience that it may seem impossible, it may seem that you are trapped, it may seem like there is a silver lining that never comes; I’ve lived it. There is no reason for someone to hold such power over you. You are your own person. Take control of your life and remove yourself from the situation before it gets worse.

You are strong enough to walk away.

Yours Truly,
Kallie Pygus

 

Spoiler Alert! Down to One.

One year. An entire year has passed and I am struggling to get back on track with writing. My most recent post 3 Boys, 24 Hours literally happened November 29-30, 2016, just over a year ago. I recently decided that this past year’s experiences will be some of the final current events I will tell you about in The Boys I Encounter. I will continue to write past life experiences as originally planned on The Boys I Encounter, but for now, how things stand in my life, The Boys I Encounter is no longer a fitting title for the foreseeable future because I somehow found myself in a monogamous relationship. I will be starting a second blog as I start this new chapter of my life and I’ll share those details with you soon.

Coming from the girl who didn’t see herself in a monogamous relationship, I’ll tell you now, shit happens. You can’t always control how life goes and who you fall in love with, just go with it and let it happen. SHIT! Did I just say fall in love? I did, didn’t I? He and I have yet to say those three little (big deal) words, but it’s been in the back of my mind for what seems like forever now and I’m sure he’ll find out soon enough now that I’m writing it out loud. We’ve only been officially dating a little over a month, but even before then, he has ultimately become the most important boy I’ve encountered; the one and only I want.

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So who is this boy? Is it Neighbor Boy? The Australian? Some other boy I’ve written about? Or is it a boy yet to be introduced? You’ll just have to follow and keep reading to find out. 

Yours Truly,
Kallie Pygus

Tell tale sign…

A few weeks ago, I got a text from Isaac, a guy who I haven’t seen in almost a year. This guy in particular is different than the guys I just fuck. He is the type of guy I would date, but when we first met, the timing was completely wrong. I was in a 6 year relationship that was plummeting. Isaac and I were mere acquaintances for a few months while I was still in my relationship. As soon as I became single, he swooped in to ask me out. More on the backstory later…

Fast forward to a few weeks ago… I got a text from Isaac asking if I still live at my loft because there’s a party (which happened last night) that he got invited to by a friend of his. I told him I still live there and he should definitely come. We texted back and forth, and he invited me to an exhibition he’s part of in a week.

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A week passed, I made an appearance at the exhibition. He was doing a performance piece where he was standing with his back to a wall completely still while making intense eye contact with the other performance artist. While they were making eye contact, two guys built a frame and put up drywall to trap Isaac between the two walls and eventually blocking Isaac’s gaze with the other performer. As I walked in and saw Isaac, I quietly approached but kept my distance. As soon as Isaac noticed me in his peripherals, he broke eye contact with the other artist and looked at me, then back at the other performer. Over the time I was there, he only broke his stare to look at me briefly, but from what I saw, he didn’t break it for anyone else. I had to leave before his performance was over. I shot him a text to tell him how bummed I was I couldn’t stay, but I had to get to my friend’s birthday party.

Fast forward to last night… Now it’s been a couple of weeks since his performance. He never texted me back after his performance. I knew when he originally texted a few weeks earlier, he had said he was coming to my loft for the party on September 9th, but I also haven’t heard from him so I was completely unsure if he was coming last night or not.

My friend Ana was in from NYC, so she came last night with some other friends and we all danced behind the bar drinking way too much as bands played and people flooded the space. I kept my phone in sight on a shelf behind the bar hoping that he would text or something saying he was coming. Every time my phone lit up I checked to see if it was him, but every time it was someone else. My roommates asking for help. Friends saying they were on their way. Even a text from Adam (There’s always a red flag…) inviting me to mimosas. No texts from Isaac.

It was a few hours into the party and no sight of Isaac. At this point I had given up on him coming at all, which was fine, I wasn’t sure if he was coming anyways. Josh (Ana’s boyfriend) and I went to go fill the water jugs for the bar, and when we were in the kitchen, I drunkenly spewed my disappointment in Isaac not coming. Josh grabbed one jug, brought it to the bar as I filled the second, then came to grab the second from me.

Well as we brought the water jug back to the bar, there he was. Isaac showed up after all. I walked up behind him and put my hand on his arm to get his attention. He turned and excitedly said hey and hugged me. We chatted briefly, I told him when he was done with his drink, the next one was on me. I went back to the bar and continued to dance with my girls and serve drinks.

Once that band ended, now between sets, the crowd dispersed to the rest of the space, back stairs, bathroom, and roof. Isaac came to the bar and we chatted some more. He asked me if I’m ever in his neighborhood. I told him not really. He then insisted I should come through sometime. I then told him he should give me a reason and maybe I would. His friends came to the bar, he introduced me to them and he ordered a round of drinks. While we talked, he asked for me to come around to the other side of the bar so we could talk more. I looked at Ana and she gave me the nod that she was ok by herself behind the bar. I walked around to the other side. We all continued to chat, Isaac’s eyes on me the entire time even as his friends and I were talking.

Isaac’s friends asked how we met and how long ago. We both answered saying we met in college, but through a mutual friend. We both acted like we didn’t know the exact instance when we met. I said I think we met through Marcela. Isaac brought up a specific place which we ran into each other after we met; it was this place that he initially tried to ask me out before I broke up with my ex. During this conversation, he kept brushing his hand on my side and giving me this look like he wanted me. I told him that once the last band was done, I could give him a tour of the loft. Although he knew of the space even before I moved in over a year and a half ago, he still hasn’t been there before.

As the next band started and everyone came back to the bar, I needed to get back to helping Ana. Isaac stepped away from the bar and centered himself in front of the stage while his friends still sat at the bar. Ana pointed it out and said that he’s trying to play it cool by putting space between us. I didn’t care, it’s not like we could talk or anything while the music is going and people are lining up to order drinks. Not long before the band ended, Ana, Jackie, and Josh said their goodbyes and headed out.

The band ended. Isaac looked at me, but then him and his friends went up to the roof. I finished up what I was doing at the bar, got my roommate to cover for me, then went up to the roof to find Isaac. He was chatting with his friends. I walked up behind him and lightly grabbed his arm. He gave me a hug, we talked briefly, but then he went back to the conversation with the person to his left. I then started to talk with his roommate. He was asking about how it is working at the space, I then explained I live here and it’s an artist loft. I told him there’s eight bedrooms. He had the usual reaction of not realizing anyone lived there and was impressed. Isaac overheard this and said quietly in my ear, maybe I could get a tour of your bedroom. I laughed, and agreed. Isaac then asked his friends if they were ready to see the rest of the space and asked if I could show them the recording studio.

I took them down and walked them through the space. Living room. Kitchen. Wood shop. Bathrooms. Gallery. Recording studio. Then as I pointed out the doors to the bedrooms, Isaac asked “And which one is yours.” I pointed down the hall, then led all four of them to my room. They were all in awe over the space. We all hung out in my room for a bit, but then his friends caught on. Isaac’s friends filed out one by one until it was just the two of us. He looked at me, pushed the door slightly so it was almost shut, then went in to kiss me. I wanted him bad at this point, I kissed him back passionately and as it heated up I pushed the door all the way shut.

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He then told me to slow down, and he wasn’t looking to shut the door. I laughed, but also felt a bit rejected. We then walked out to his friends. They asked what the plan was. I told them they were welcome to chill, there’s always after hours. They agreed and I made everyone some drinks and they smoked a joint. After the first round, I went to go to the bathroom. When I came back, they were getting ready to leave. Isaac’s roommate said that he definitely wants to come back sometime. I told them the next party is coming up in a week. Isaac gave me a hug and said he’d see me sometime soon.

I get that he probably didn’t stay because he had his friends and roommate with him, but I also felt confused by the end of the night. He kept building this tension by being flirty and brushing his hand up on me… but then that kiss was less than what I wanted and he left me hanging at the end.

Now I eagerly want to text him to let him know I’m glad he came by last night, but I also don’t want to come off desperate, but then again we have a history. It’s one of those tricky situations. Do I wait for him to come to me? Should I text him? I usually don’t care. I let guys come to me, but I have also been the one to text first a fair share of times and it hasn’t mattered. It’s 2016, a woman can text a guy if she wants. Why does dating have to be so complicated? I’m usually not one to stress about it, but with Isaac, because he’s not a guy I just want to fuck, my mind is flooded with all these questions and thoughts.

The tell tale sign of liking someone is when they are all you think about. Fuck.

Yours Truly,
Kallie Pygus

There’s always a red flag…

July 23rd, it was my friend Jackie’s birthday party. A small group of eight met up before a night of drinking to get dinner. I was a bit out of the circle of people, I recognized some of the people from previous events, but didn’t really know any of them. One guy in particular that I thought I knew, but obviously didn’t was Adam.

At some point in the dinner, I asked Adam, “Weren’t you that guy from two New Year’s Eves ago?”

He was absolutely confused, “No, I wasn’t in Chicago then.”

Jackie butted in, “Who are you thinking of? Was it…” She then started to ramble to list off friends of hers it could have been.

I explained, “Good, glad you aren’t him. He kept staring at my tits the entire night and was a total prick.”

Adam laughed, “Thank god I’m not him then.” He smiled at me, I smiled back. At least I didn’t make a complete fool of myself quite yet. Adam is cute, brown eyes, dark hair, clean-cut, nice build. He is former military and conservative, not quite my type, but I was already captivated by this flirtation we have started. It was still early in the night, so we did some coy looks across the dinner table.

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After dinner, we all made our way downtown to the bar. When we arrived, we were joined by several other people. We took over a pretty large section of the Chicago Athletic Association’s game room. Adam sat and ordered a drink, I went off to the restroom. When I got back, the only seating was the opposite side of the section we took over. I sat down, but it wasn’t long until Adam and I started making flirtatious eye contact.

Once the first round of drinks were consumed, everyone was ready for some games. Several of the people went straight for pool, and a group of us made our way to bocce ball. A game of four on four, girls versus boys. Lo and behold, Adam and I both were playing bocce ball. In between turns, Adam made an effort to talk and flirt with me.

As the night progressed, more and more people joined. Adam tried to get me on my own, he insisted we should order another round of drinks at the bar and check out the other side of the game room to get away. When we got to the bar and ordered our drinks, another friend of mine followed and was trying to catch up with me. I gave her a look like, “Dude, I’m occupied right now.” She quickly caught on and walked away.

We then grabbed our drinks and found somewhere quiet to chat. He was sweet. A bit reserved and quiet, had a cadence you would expect to hear out of an old movie, but this only lured me in more. Not more than 30 minutes later, a friend of mine interrupted to tell me she and a group were headed to Chinatown. While I went and said my goodbyes, Adam got pulled off to play shuffleboard with Jackie and some others.

I drank and watched from the sidelines, Adam and I kept making eyes, so I wasn’t really paying much attention to the game. As the game wrapped up, the birthday girl and the few others that were left took over foosball, Adam and I found a chess board to play. We chatted and played and flirted and I totally kicked his ass. As our game came to an end, Adam’s friend came up and summoned us to the bar to take shots with everyone.

One shot down. “Cheers to Jackie!” Another round was poured, without hesitation, we were all grabbing our second shots. “Happy birthday!” Two shots and four or five drinks in, I was definitely starting to feel it. It was about 1:30am, Jackie was still going strong, so she said we should go to Mindy’s, another Chicago Athletic Association bar on the top floor. We made our way up, everyone ordered drinks and sat at the bar, and I grabbed a water and sat on a couch by the window to chill for a bit.

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I sat there watching the lighting in the distance flicker beyond Millennium Park. Not long into my reminiscing, Adam joined me. We sat in silence for a minute. It was nice. To break the silence, he asked, “How would you feel about walking along the lake once we leave?” I was exhausted and a bit tipsy, but I didn’t want the night with Adam to end quite yet, so I agreed.

An hour or so later, they announced last call. I was ready to leave to walk with Adam, but had to wait to make sure Jackie was ok. She was pretty hammered and was flirting with the bartender. He asked for her number, she gave it and lingered. I had to pull her away, the bartender smiled at Jackie as we left.

We headed out, Adam and I walked together a little behind as the other three remaining souls were a few feet ahead.  His friend was on a mission to get us all to the next bar or somewhere we could keep drinking. Adam looked at me and said, “Let’s ditch them.” I agreed. At the next crosswalk, the three ahead of us walked straight and we bolted right and crossed the street to cut through Millennium Park.

As we approached the park entrance, we were quickly stopped by the guard, “The park closes at 11pm.” We turned and walked along side the park towards the lake instead. We walked up Randolph, I knew all along we were going the wrong way to the lake, but I let Adam lead. He eventually realized we were on an upper level street. There was no way to the lake, at least an easy route from where we were at. He asked, “How adventurous are you?” I laughed, although I was in a dress and flats, I am still always up for an adventure. We hopped a few fences, and found our way to Lower Wacker, then to the river walk. Finally, a clear route to the lake.

We walked and talked and laughed and flirted. He’s very well mannered while I have a sailor’s mouth, a weird mix to say the least. I called him out and said to loosen up, he said it just takes getting to know him before he fully unleashes reveals that he is just as vulgar as me. I don’t know if I fully believe this.

The river walk merged into the pier and docks just East of Randolph. We walked along the pier and found our way to the end, the last dock was several police patrol boats, then there was a cement barrier separating the docks and the lake. We faced more fences. Adam asked, “Are you still feeling adventurous?”

“Bring it on.” I replied. He swung his leg around the fence, lifted himself above the water, and reached his leg to the cement ledge. I followed, but being shorter, plus in a dress, this fence proved to be a little more difficult than the ones from earlier. I quickly realized the way my dress was stretching over the side of the fence, it was making it difficult for me to spread my legs far enough to reach to the cement barrier. Adam saw my struggle, and reached his hand out to pull me over.

We continued our journey along the cement barrier. As we walked further and further, suddenly swarms of seagulls flew up above us cawing. It was actually quite beautiful, hundreds of white birds flying overhead alongside skyscrapers on one side, the lake on the other. We approached the end of the barrier and leaned against the wall. Adam created a story about a military man and the lighthouse in the distance. His voice was soothing and somehow blocked out the noise of the seagulls.

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As his story came to an end, he looked me in the eye, I smiled. He smiled back. My heart started to race a little, he leaned in and kissed me. We locked lips, his hands on my waste, my arms wrapped around his neck. A perfect romantic moment you’d expect to see in the movies. We continued to make out for several minutes. He pulled back, smiled at me, and I smiled back. We were quiet, but it was a comfortable silence.

“Do you want to go to the beach?” he asked to break the silence.

I agreed, but then I added, “First, I need to pee.”

He laughed and led the way back to the pier, helping me back around the fence. We walked back to the start of the pier and luckily there were bathrooms that were somehow still open at 4:30am. I went in to pee, he stayed out and waited. When I came out, he asked if I wanted something to drink. I laughed, “Sure?” confused as to where he would get us drinks. Turns out not only were the bathrooms left unlocked, the patio by the bathroom, although gated off, wasn’t too hard to squeeze past the gate and get to the fridges which were also unlocked.

He grabbed us each a sprite, then we found our way to the nearest street to call an Uber. He pulled me in and held me and kissed me and we waited for our ride to the beach. We got in the car, headed north, and were dropped off near the beach entrance. The entrance was blocked off, another place that closes at 11pm. We started walking down Montrose away from the beach, and he said, “Well that was kind of a fail; where would you like to go.”

He had told me earlier that he lived near Montrose Beach, so I said, “We could go to your place.”

Adam hesitated, then revealed, “I would say yes, but I actually still live with my ex girlfriend. We’ve been broken up for two months, I’m the one on the lease, she’s refused to move out, and I wasn’t putting up a fight. My lease ends at the end of the month, so I’m moving out next week.” Red flag… but there’s always some of those.

Not really sure if I should end the night, but still kind of tempted to keep going, I brushed if off and said “That’s gotta  be tough.” I paused, “Well, we can still go back to the beach, just not use the main entrance.”

We walked back, but headed south away from the entrance and cut through the trees and grass. As we scurried through, Adam grabbed my hand as to guide me through faster. As we exited the tree covered area, we slowed down the pace and continued to hold hands as we walked. We ended up on a hill. At the top, Adam pulled me in yet again. He’s very affectionate, which I usually like, but I felt a little off with all of this. He seems way to proper for my taste, but it was still very sweet so I went along.

After a prolonged embrace on the hill, I pulled away and started to head towards the beach. He followed. When we got to the beach, we sat on the ledge just before the sand. He put his arm around me, I leaned up against him, putting my head on his shoulder, watching the waves flow in and out before us. We chatted some, but the night had us both exhausted so we mostly sat in silence, taking in the view in front of us. An hour passed and we watched the sun rise.

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As daylight got brighter, I was quickly reminded of what time it was. I told him I should probably go home. We walked back towards Montrose, I called an Uber home. He waited with me and held me and kissed me some more. I was torn. At this point I was a little turned off by the fact that he lives with his ex still, but I enchanted by his affection. It seems like even the most well mannered boys still have at least one red flag, and this was a big one. My Uber pulled up, we said our goodbyes, and I headed home. As soon as I got home, I went straight to my bed and passed out until 3pm.

I woke up to a text from Adam. Now what to do with it?

Yours Truly,
Kallie Pygus

I’m in Love with a Girl

Sorry (not sorry) that I haven’t written in a while. I have been quite occupied the past month by a girl. I know!!! A girl. She’s very special to me and I’m in love. Just kidding. But really, one of my best friends is moving to New York City and I’ve been spending the past month living it up with her. We’re now on a road trip to NYC to get her moved. Although I’m sure I’ll be hanging out with her most of the time, I plan on giving her boyfriend and her some alone time while I tinder my way through the big apple. I will get back to you with more about The Boys I Encounter when I free up again soon.

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Because I’ll be in NYC, I’ll leave you with this Sex and the City meme.

Yours Truly,
Kallie Pygus

 

Doodling and Stalking

Doodling your crushes name a million times is the childhood equivalent to facebook/social media stalking your crush. Think back to when you were a kid. I remember being in elementary school when I would write my crushes’ names with hearts and writing in my diary about them all the time. It was obsessive. What drives us to do this?

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His name was Jeremy. I’ve known him since preschool. Suddenly, in 2nd grade, he was the only thing I could think about. My best friend Kelsey had also developed a crush on Jacob. We both thought it was serendipitous that our initials for our crushes and us matched so we both wrote just the first initials “K+J” in all our notes and hearts to be more secretive.

When I would spend the night at Kelsey’s, there were many hours spent just talking about Jeremy and Jacob while simultaneously doodling away “K+J 4Ever,””Mr. & Mrs. K + J,”etc. We would then stash these doodles and notes in a box that was put under her bed.

At Kelsey’s birthday party, all of the 2nd grade was invited to her place. There was a bouncy house, games to play, and a coloring table with both coloring books and scrap paper. Well I guess some of our doodles didn’t make it into the box because somehow a few of them ended up in the pile of scrap paper. This boy named Brandon found it, and because it was at Kelsey’s place, he announced that Kelsey has a crush on someone with the letter J.

I was relieved that he didn’t assume it was me, but Kelsey was mortified. We were still at the age where boys and girls thought it was gross if someone liked you, but at the same time we were all starting to slowly develop crushes.

I lived in a small town, so there were only about 30 kids in our grade. Surprisingly, though, there were four guys who had names that started with J. Jeremy, Jacob, James, and Joey. Although it was mortifying for Kelsey at the moment, nothing really came from it after that day. No one pried enough to figure out who she had a crush on and life went on.

Looking back at it though, if we were older, would the boys cared more to figure it out? Would it have worked in our advantage for our crushes to find out we liked them? At what point do you reveal to your crush that you like them?

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I’m 27 now. Having a crush seems like a weird past time, but in reality, I get crushes all the time. I realize I have a crush (as in I like someone but nothing sexual/romantic has happened yet) on someone or that I actually have emotional feelings for someone I’m sleeping with when I start to pay attention to their Facebook. Not just in my news feed, but I will look them up and look at their photos and posts. The more I do this, the bigger the crush. I’ve recently wrote off boys emotionally, so suddenly, my social media use has dropped significantly. I’m not constantly checking my crushes’ statuses and recent photos. It is kind of a relief to stop thinking so much about boys.

However, during my break from boys, I’ve started to wonder if people should just be straight forward and let someone know that they like them. The worst that could happen is that they tell you they don’t have feelings back. On the flip side, they might feel the same way. I would save so much time and energy if I just asked out my crushes instead of waiting for them to possibly come to me. But then again, is that too forward? Why is it that women are to sit back and wait for the guys to chase them? Maybe once I’m done with my break, I will try to be more honest and forward instead of sitting back waiting for my crushes to chase me.

Just something I’ve been thinking about during this break.

Yours Truly,
Kallie Pygus

Introduction

This is not a sex column. I’m not here to give you advice or to scrutinize anyone for how they choose to go about their sexual lives. Please refrain from commenting if you’re here to pass judgment. These are my experiences from my childhood, adolescence, and adulthood; not everything will be applicable to you, I don’t care. I’m writing this blog to share moments in my life that helped define my sex-positive point of view as a female. This is my story about life, love, sex, and The Boys I Encounter. 

Stay tuned.

Yours Truly,
Kallie Pygus

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