Drunk Neighbor Boy

A week later, while on my way to my family camping trip, I got a call from work asking if I could bartend. They knew I was on vacation, but the girl that was covering for me ended up in a car accident and would not be able to cover my shift anymore. I reluctantly agreed and said I would be running late as I was already almost to the campsite and would have to drop my brother off at the campground and then take his car to get back to the city.

While still on our way to the campsite, Neighbor Boy messaged me on Facebook. He was following up about the key for the roof. I told him I wasn’t home at the moment, but would be home super late and he could message one of my other roommates for the key to the roof. He flirted for a bit and said that if I hear a bunch of music and noise coming from his apartment when I get home tonight, I should stop by for his birthday party. I told him I would try, but it wouldn’t be until about 3am. He said the party should still be going, but I could also message him to double check whenever I get home. He also tried to tell me he wanted to get my number last week, but didn’t want to ruin my date. I told him that Shane and I are just friends and it wasn’t a date. He didn’t believe me.

I dropped my brother off at the campsite and turned back to go bartend for the evening. My manager thanked me for being there and said that if I wanted, I could leave as early as 12/12:30 as long as it’s not crazy. I took advantage of this offer, closed my POS, and booked it at about 12:20am.

I messaged Neighbor Boy as I was leaving and told him I would be there in about 20 minutes. He didn’t respond. When I got home, as I walked up to my apartment, I heard music coming from Neighbor Boy’s apartment. I wanted to freshen up and grab myself a drink to bring down, so I went up, I stalled in hopes that he would respond before I just showed up.

Fifteen minutes or so went by since I’ve been home, about forty minutes since I messaged him and still no response. In his earlier message, he did say if I heard a bunch of noise and music to stop by. I grabbed my drink, and walked downstairs and walked into the party. As I walked in, there was hardly anyone left. Like less than 10 people. I didn’t see Neighbor Boy in the vast open space, but I also didn’t look for him. I started to say hi to one of Neighbor Boy’s roommates, and not long after I got talking, Neighbor Boy sat up, he was laying on the couch nearly passed out.

He hurried over to talk to me and although I already introduced myself to his roommate Max, Neighbor Boy intervened to introduce us (kind of), but more or less to tell Max that, “This is our sexy upstairs neighbor that I’ve been telling you about,” as he looked me up and down basically staring at my tits.

Kind of offended, also embarrassed, yet some how flattered, I shut him down by saying, “Thanks for the introduction, but I think I got it covered, we already met.” And I continued my conversation with Max. Neighbor Boy drunkenly flustered now, tried to participate in the conversation. I still wasn’t accepting his drunk ass. Max offered to grab me a drink, I finished mine and accepted.

While Max went to the kitchen, Neighbor Boy stepped back in and apologized for his drunkness. He claimed he was napping and trying to sober up before I came, but I got there earlier than he expected. I listened to his drunkness, laughed as he frantically tried to explain to me his approach, and laughed some more as he drunkenly tried to make up for it by telling me things like, “You’re so attractive. Obviously I think you’re attractive. But you’re also cool. You’re sexy….” His drunken statements kept spewing out in a repetitive manner.

I tried to hang out for a bit, when Max came back with my drink, he stood near by to observe the drunken mess in front of us. Neighbor Boy was sloshed, trying to come back, but failing hard. His favorite thing to tell me over and over, “You’re so attractive.” He was trying so hard not to say hot, sexy, or anything that would offend me because he already fucked up. He also brought up my “date” with Shane a few more times, trying to tell me how he didn’t want to ruin it. About twenty minutes of this went by, I finished the drink Max made me, and then said my good byes. Neighbor Boy, upset and confused, followed me to the front door, “Sorry I’m fucked up. You’re so attractive. Can I take you out?” Slurring his words.

Now standing by the front door, I laughed and told him, “Try asking me again when you’re sober.”

“I’m sober enough. I think you’re attractive. Also cool…” he persisted.

“You hardly even know me.” I explained.

“You brought my dog back, so you’re cool.” He was trying so hard. I laughed, he continued, “So can we hang out?”

“You’re drunk. Try another time, and maybe,” I told him.

“Is that maybe a yes? Or are you just being nice?” and before I could tell him to ask me later again, his drunk ass continued, “Do you even find me attractive? I find you attractive.”

“Yes, I find you attractive.”

“Do you really? Or are you just saying that?” He questioned.

“I do.”

“So we can hang out?” He tried again.

“Ask again when you’re sober.” I insisted, and he conceded.

“Fine. But can I get a birthday kiss?” He was pushing it.

“A birthday hug.” I told him.

“A kiss?” He said.

“A kiss on the cheek.” I negotiated.

“Fine.” he accepted.

He hugged me and held me for a moment. He then leaned back still holding me. I looked at him, he pointed to his cheek. I smirked and went to kiss his cheek, he tried to turn his lips towards mine to try to kiss me. I pulled away and gave him a look, he then turned his cheek to me again, and I kissed his cheek. He pulled me in to extend the hug for a moment, then I pulled away and walked out and headed up stairs to pass out.

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Is downstairs too close to home? Am I shitting where I eat? When the boy in question lives right downstairs, it’s important to proceed with caution. We’ll see.

Yours Truly,
Kallie Pygus

Note to Self: Quit Bad Sex

Jay… Jay was a boy from Tinder. We matched back in July during my short stint back on the app. We had some good flirty banter on the app, he asked for my number, and we continued to text. He begged to meet me for a few weeks and when I finally agreed, he failed. The first time he tried to arrange to meet up with me, he claimed work was running late asking to meet at 11pm instead of 8pm so I canceled because I had to be up early the next day. The next time he tried to hang out, it was pouring out, so he then asked for a rain check, I agreed. Third time, supposedly a friend of his got in a car accident… Maybe it was true, but hard to tell when this is his third cancelation. I let it slide.

The day after his third cancelation, we finally met up. We went to a beercade and played some old school games. Beercades are my go-to for meeting guys if they fail at making plans. It means I get to play games instead of dragging out all the first date interview questions over drinks. It was fine. He was cute, confident, but a bit short and thin for my liking.

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After the beercade, we took a walk. We talked some more and he stopped me mid sentence, turned, pulled me in and kissed me and said, “I’ve been wanting to do that all night.” He is that guy that will say all the things he thinks you want to hear so he can fuck you. I knew that’s what he was trying to do, it was pretty obvious just by the texts before even meeting him. It was a good kiss; it even turned me on a bit. Overall, his charm was turning me on, but I could tell he would only be a one night fuck and nothing more.

On our walk, we went to another bar for one more drink… at least that was the plan. The bar we ended up at was doing karaoke night. I’m not one for karaoke. I hate feeling like I’m being put on the spot, especially unprepared. Jay demanded we both do a song. I reluctantly agreed. He ended up doing a Backstreet Boys song, I did The Joker by Steve Miller Band. He did fine, I failed. It was fun seeing him up there, but I was miserable doing it even though he tried to be a good audience by being up front and center singing along with me.

Once we finished singing, we went back to our booth. I was relieved that part of the night was over. We laughed a bit and made fun of each other’s performances. There was a break in our laugher, Jay went in to kiss me and we began making out. A song or two went by and our kissing got heavier and he got more and more touchy. This was the moment to either end the night or go somewhere to fuck.

After some flirty discussion between the two of us arguing who’s place to go to, we agreed to go to mine being that it was closer. When we got to my place, we went to my bar. I made us each a drink, then we took them up to the roof. Hardly a sip in, we were back at it, making out. As he moved from my lips to my neck to kissing my cleavage, I let out a coy giggle and told him to slow down or at least let me finish my drink.

He stopped, and took a sip of his drink. He then asked me what turns me on. I got to the point and told him all my kinks; ropes, cuffs, restraints, biting, hair pulling, nipple torture, tease and denial… His jaw dropped. He insisted he could be everything I wanted in bed. He told me he would tie me up and eat me and fuck me hard. I let out a slight giggle, thinking to myself that he thinks he can, but I knew already that he wouldn’t be able to deliver what I want. It’s not too hard to tell what a guy is like in bed based off of what he says and the way he carries himself. I could tell Jay was all talk from the start, the guy that thinks he’s all that but probably can’t hold up to the game he talks.

Alas, although I was aware of what he was trying to do, I was bored and horny. If he thinks he can tie me up and eat me the way I want to be eaten, let the games begin. We finished our drinks and made it back down from the roof and to my bedroom. When we got to my room, we started off slow, making out on the edge of my bed. He’s a fine kisser. Nothing spectacular, but not sloppy. He got a little handsy, but it seemed as if he didn’t know what to do with his hands, just put them in places. His lack of dominance showed, so I took control. I got up, pushed him back on the bed, and then straddled him.

As things heated up, I took off his shirt, then took off my dress. I kissed down his neck, to his nipples, down his abs, and teased him just above his pants. I then got up, leaving him rock hard on my bed. I grabbed my rope, threw it at him, and told him to tie me up and eat me and fuck me hard like he said he would. He grabbed the rope, looked at me, looked at the rope, and seemed unsure of what to do.

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I then directed him a little. To make it easy, I told him to just tie my hands together and then secure the rope to the bed frame. He took the direction, but stumbled the whole way. It was pretty obvious he never tied anyone up. After a few minutes of trying to figure out how to tie me up successfully, he finally got it. He then went straight into eating me. It’s hot when a guy eats me, yes, but part of the fun of being tied up is the tease and denial and losing that control of what’s to come.

As he ate me, he did alright with his tongue, but was very light with it. He had poor technique with his fingers. Like he would put them in and just keep them in one place instead of doing any type of come hither motion or swirling or even in and out. So basically he was a weak tongue with two dead fingers. Not good. I spoke up like I do and told him to use more pressure with his tongue and I thrusted my hips to help him understand the motion I need with his fingers. He kind of picked up on it, and was doing better for a minute, but then slowly drifted back to his light tongue and motionless fingers.

I got bored of his oral skills. The knots he tied weren’t all that tight, so I squirmed my hands out of the rope and took control yet again. I grabbed a condom, put it on his dick, and rode him. It only took the length of a song to finish. He came. I didn’t. I would usually keep things going either orally or getting him worked up again to fuck, but at this point, it wasn’t worth it. There was no way in hell Jay could get me off.

We both fell asleep and in the morning, when my alarm went off, I showered and left him in my bed. Once I got back to my room, he was sitting there already fully clothed. I walked him to the door, he told me he had a good time, I giggled and let him out. He tried to get ahold of me a few times since, but I just ignored him.

I don’t know why I put myself in these situations. I go on dates with guys and even once I already know that shit can’t go anywhere and that the guy isn’t going to deliver, I keep going along with it. I want to give them the benefit of the doubt or something. I want to see if they can fuck me well even if it’s just for one night. But it’s those guys, the guys that I know I will only fuck once before even fucking them, that end up being a waste of sex. I need to be better about turning down guys earlier in the night.

Note to self: quit bad sex, go home and take out my vibe; it always does a better job anyways.

Yours Truly,
Kallie Pygus

Tell tale sign…

A few weeks ago, I got a text from Isaac, a guy who I haven’t seen in almost a year. This guy in particular is different than the guys I just fuck. He is the type of guy I would date, but when we first met, the timing was completely wrong. I was in a 6 year relationship that was plummeting. Isaac and I were mere acquaintances for a few months while I was still in my relationship. As soon as I became single, he swooped in to ask me out. More on the backstory later…

Fast forward to a few weeks ago… I got a text from Isaac asking if I still live at my loft because there’s a party (which happened last night) that he got invited to by a friend of his. I told him I still live there and he should definitely come. We texted back and forth, and he invited me to an exhibition he’s part of in a week.

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A week passed, I made an appearance at the exhibition. He was doing a performance piece where he was standing with his back to a wall completely still while making intense eye contact with the other performance artist. While they were making eye contact, two guys built a frame and put up drywall to trap Isaac between the two walls and eventually blocking Isaac’s gaze with the other performer. As I walked in and saw Isaac, I quietly approached but kept my distance. As soon as Isaac noticed me in his peripherals, he broke eye contact with the other artist and looked at me, then back at the other performer. Over the time I was there, he only broke his stare to look at me briefly, but from what I saw, he didn’t break it for anyone else. I had to leave before his performance was over. I shot him a text to tell him how bummed I was I couldn’t stay, but I had to get to my friend’s birthday party.

Fast forward to last night… Now it’s been a couple of weeks since his performance. He never texted me back after his performance. I knew when he originally texted a few weeks earlier, he had said he was coming to my loft for the party on September 9th, but I also haven’t heard from him so I was completely unsure if he was coming last night or not.

My friend Ana was in from NYC, so she came last night with some other friends and we all danced behind the bar drinking way too much as bands played and people flooded the space. I kept my phone in sight on a shelf behind the bar hoping that he would text or something saying he was coming. Every time my phone lit up I checked to see if it was him, but every time it was someone else. My roommates asking for help. Friends saying they were on their way. Even a text from Adam (There’s always a red flag…) inviting me to mimosas. No texts from Isaac.

It was a few hours into the party and no sight of Isaac. At this point I had given up on him coming at all, which was fine, I wasn’t sure if he was coming anyways. Josh (Ana’s boyfriend) and I went to go fill the water jugs for the bar, and when we were in the kitchen, I drunkenly spewed my disappointment in Isaac not coming. Josh grabbed one jug, brought it to the bar as I filled the second, then came to grab the second from me.

Well as we brought the water jug back to the bar, there he was. Isaac showed up after all. I walked up behind him and put my hand on his arm to get his attention. He turned and excitedly said hey and hugged me. We chatted briefly, I told him when he was done with his drink, the next one was on me. I went back to the bar and continued to dance with my girls and serve drinks.

Once that band ended, now between sets, the crowd dispersed to the rest of the space, back stairs, bathroom, and roof. Isaac came to the bar and we chatted some more. He asked me if I’m ever in his neighborhood. I told him not really. He then insisted I should come through sometime. I then told him he should give me a reason and maybe I would. His friends came to the bar, he introduced me to them and he ordered a round of drinks. While we talked, he asked for me to come around to the other side of the bar so we could talk more. I looked at Ana and she gave me the nod that she was ok by herself behind the bar. I walked around to the other side. We all continued to chat, Isaac’s eyes on me the entire time even as his friends and I were talking.

Isaac’s friends asked how we met and how long ago. We both answered saying we met in college, but through a mutual friend. We both acted like we didn’t know the exact instance when we met. I said I think we met through Marcela. Isaac brought up a specific place which we ran into each other after we met; it was this place that he initially tried to ask me out before I broke up with my ex. During this conversation, he kept brushing his hand on my side and giving me this look like he wanted me. I told him that once the last band was done, I could give him a tour of the loft. Although he knew of the space even before I moved in over a year and a half ago, he still hasn’t been there before.

As the next band started and everyone came back to the bar, I needed to get back to helping Ana. Isaac stepped away from the bar and centered himself in front of the stage while his friends still sat at the bar. Ana pointed it out and said that he’s trying to play it cool by putting space between us. I didn’t care, it’s not like we could talk or anything while the music is going and people are lining up to order drinks. Not long before the band ended, Ana, Jackie, and Josh said their goodbyes and headed out.

The band ended. Isaac looked at me, but then him and his friends went up to the roof. I finished up what I was doing at the bar, got my roommate to cover for me, then went up to the roof to find Isaac. He was chatting with his friends. I walked up behind him and lightly grabbed his arm. He gave me a hug, we talked briefly, but then he went back to the conversation with the person to his left. I then started to talk with his roommate. He was asking about how it is working at the space, I then explained I live here and it’s an artist loft. I told him there’s eight bedrooms. He had the usual reaction of not realizing anyone lived there and was impressed. Isaac overheard this and said quietly in my ear, maybe I could get a tour of your bedroom. I laughed, and agreed. Isaac then asked his friends if they were ready to see the rest of the space and asked if I could show them the recording studio.

I took them down and walked them through the space. Living room. Kitchen. Wood shop. Bathrooms. Gallery. Recording studio. Then as I pointed out the doors to the bedrooms, Isaac asked “And which one is yours.” I pointed down the hall, then led all four of them to my room. They were all in awe over the space. We all hung out in my room for a bit, but then his friends caught on. Isaac’s friends filed out one by one until it was just the two of us. He looked at me, pushed the door slightly so it was almost shut, then went in to kiss me. I wanted him bad at this point, I kissed him back passionately and as it heated up I pushed the door all the way shut.

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He then told me to slow down, and he wasn’t looking to shut the door. I laughed, but also felt a bit rejected. We then walked out to his friends. They asked what the plan was. I told them they were welcome to chill, there’s always after hours. They agreed and I made everyone some drinks and they smoked a joint. After the first round, I went to go to the bathroom. When I came back, they were getting ready to leave. Isaac’s roommate said that he definitely wants to come back sometime. I told them the next party is coming up in a week. Isaac gave me a hug and said he’d see me sometime soon.

I get that he probably didn’t stay because he had his friends and roommate with him, but I also felt confused by the end of the night. He kept building this tension by being flirty and brushing his hand up on me… but then that kiss was less than what I wanted and he left me hanging at the end.

Now I eagerly want to text him to let him know I’m glad he came by last night, but I also don’t want to come off desperate, but then again we have a history. It’s one of those tricky situations. Do I wait for him to come to me? Should I text him? I usually don’t care. I let guys come to me, but I have also been the one to text first a fair share of times and it hasn’t mattered. It’s 2016, a woman can text a guy if she wants. Why does dating have to be so complicated? I’m usually not one to stress about it, but with Isaac, because he’s not a guy I just want to fuck, my mind is flooded with all these questions and thoughts.

The tell tale sign of liking someone is when they are all you think about. Fuck.

Yours Truly,
Kallie Pygus

Will he pass?

Chase texted me the very next day after fucking all night. He asked how late I would be at my friend’s going away party which I told him about when we were talking at his show. I informed him that the party was at my place and I was the host, so I wasn’t able to leave early, but he was welcome to come to the party. He accepted the invitation. I was surprised, yet excited to see him again.

I don’t usually invite boys to things with my friends this early into seeing them, but for some reason Chase was different. I was nervous, I could tell I was already starting to like him, but I also have a pretty thick shell to break through before opening myself emotionally to anyone. Part of me was eager to see him again, the other part was wondering if it was a mistake. What if he doesn’t like my friends? What if he’s anti social and needs to be entertained the whole time? What if he ends up being a total drunken mess? These are things I had no clue of what to expect because I hardly met the guy a week earlier and really have only hung out with him once.

At first he said he would get there by 9, then I told him I would be there at 9:30 because I had to arrive with Ana to lure her into the surprise, so then he said he would come later. When he still wasn’t around by 10:45, I was kind of getting disappointed, but had no time to get down about it. I was having a good time with everyone at the party and couldn’t let a guy not showing up mess with my night.

Around 11pm, I pulled my friend up on the stage to give a speech and make her do karaoke to Nickelback’s Photograph to embarrass the shit out of her. It was an inside joke, she thought that we were going to karaoke that night, and I asked what shitty song she would sing and that was it, but then I surprised her with the huge party at my place. Halfway through the song, Chase walked in. I was on stage with Ana singing a song we hate and that is the first impression he gets of the party I’m throwing.

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As the song ended, Ana stayed on stage for another karaoke song, I walked over to Chase and explained to him the joke behind the song. He then revealed that he actually likes that song. Kind of disappointing that he does, especially because he’s a musician, but this gives me something to make fun of him for later.

I was trying to hang out with him, but being that I was the host, I had a lot of other people to entertain. I made him a drink to get him situated, then ran around to the various people and things that needed tending. This was the first test, is he ok to be left alone in a room full of people he doesn’t know and he passed. He had no problem introducing himself to people randomly and being sociable. I didn’t need to babysit him. Total bonus points.

In fact, he passed every test with flying colors. As the night progressed, he had made friends with several of my friends, like even exchanged phone numbers. He helped me with various drunk people to get them water and make sure they were ok. He knew when to give me space so I can be social with everyone else and when to give me attention. He drank a few drinks, but joked with me to decline a drink by asking if I was trying to get him drunk because I kept giving him drinks. He knew his alcohol limits, paced himself, and stopped before getting hammered. All of these things I was worried about and he did wonderful. The stress and nervousness I felt before has been lifted.

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Throughout the party, whenever Chase had a moment with me, he pulled me in to kiss. When I had to grab something from the kitchen, he came with so we could be alone for a bit to make out. I love all the attention, if only I wasn’t the host, I would have totally pulled him into my room that moment, but couldn’t do that.

At one point in the night, my friends Ana and Ricky pulled Chase aside to talk to him about me. They told him I might come off as tough, but really I’m sensitive and he better not hurt me. When I found this out, I was mortified. Why would they do this to me??? I hardly know the guy and this is something that is bound to send a guy running far, far away.

After confronting Ricky and Ana, they talked me down and said that everything was going to be ok. They said that Chase is really awesome and he didn’t seem too scared by them talking to him. Ana then added, why would he even listen to a word two wasted people had to tell him? I could only hope that they were right.

Once I was calmed from that brief confrontation with the two of them, I walked into the bar to make myself a drink. On my way, Chase was sitting on the couch at the bar entrance. I almost walked right past him, but he pulled me in to kiss him and he told me that my friends gave him some very interesting information. Once again, I was embarrassed, but I tried to hide it. He told me everything they said, but luckily we both laughed about it knowing that my friends were wasted. Extra bonus points.

Everyone at this point was pretty drunk. It was approaching 3am, people were starting to clear out. It was down to Ana, her boyfriend, a few other friends, Chase, and myself. Chase helped me with Ana who was rolling around drunkenly claiming she was a hermit crab. Once I fed her a bagel and gave her lots of water, she sobered up enough for her and her boyfriend to go home.

As soon as everyone left, Chase went straight in for the kill. He started to rub his hands all over my body as we made out. We were still in my kitchen, he tried to get a bit more handsy, but I stopped him. As hot as sex in a public place can be, I also would like to not have any of my roommates walk in on me. I stopped him and took him to my room.

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Once again, we fucked all night. There were some small breaks filled with pillow talk, then more sex, then some sleeping, but then he’d wake me up for more sex. We even made a brief sexual appearance at 5am in the bar, but the couch in the bar proved to be quite loud, so to avoid waking anyone up, I pulled him back to my room. The sex was plentiful and good, but once again, I still couldn’t come. I wanted to, but there’s a learning curve and also a layer of trust that needs to be built for me to ease up enough to come.

The next day, we woke up at about 1pm. He had to get home to get ready for work. I walked him to the front door, then made my way back to my room and passed the fuck out. I was wiped yet again.

The early stages of meeting a new boy are always the best.

Yours Truly,
Kallie Pygus