The Boys I Encounter – The Book?

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To all my fellow bloggers and lovely followers, would you read The Boys I Encounter––the book? Are there any posts that you found most intriguing? Any that you would omit? If you have any advice or insight that may help, it would be much appreciated.

I have always thought that when I could afford to put more time into The Boys I Encounter, I would like to turn it into a book, but I also have been dealing with a lot of personal issues since the beginning of 2017 and the dust is finally starting to settle (Fingers crossed).

I have about 71,000 words written for my blog which is basically enough to write a novel… That being said, for the people who have followed my blog from the start, obviously there would be a lot of rewriting to better intersect everything into a complete ongoing story and I would also need to fill in the gaps and finish what has remained unwritten. However, sharing my story to a larger audience would be beneficial, not just to myself, but also to young women starting to explore sex and to survivors of sexual abuse.

Now––as tension about sexual assault and the #MeToo movement is stronger than ever due to the Kavanaugh accusations––I have been reflecting on my experiences and traumas. The book will follow me through my childhood curiosities, teenage hormones, a more thorough explanation of the sexually and emotionally abusive relationships I’ve endured, the aftermath of rediscovering myself, navigating casual sex post abuse, and how all the boys I encountered helped reshape how I interpret healthy sexual and romantic relationships.

If you’re reading this and you’re in an abusive relationship, know that it is never too late to escape. I know from personal experience that it may seem impossible, it may seem that you are trapped, it may seem like there is a silver lining that never comes; I’ve lived it. There is no reason for someone to hold such power over you. You are your own person. Take control of your life and remove yourself from the situation before it gets worse.

You are strong enough to walk away.

Yours Truly,
Kallie Pygus

 

Fuck 2017, Happy New Year!

Without giving too much away… 2017 has truly been bitch and a half with glimpses of hope for the future. I spent the first week of the year bedridden due to the flu. Then I slipped into a deep depression that’s been looming over me for quite some time before it hit hard. I couldn’t help but cry almost every day for months, slept all day most days, and nearly lost control of my life for a while. The entire year, I’ve seen various doctors 1-3 times a month for several health reasons, most resolved by now, some I’m still working on. Piled on top of this, my period was progressively getting worse every month, the only option was to switch IUDs from Paragard (which I’ve had for about 4 years already) to a Mirena, and then I was still bleeding for an entire month with terrible cramps.

Because of my health, period issues, and depression, my casual sex in 2017 was very sporadic, especially for the first half of the year. As things started to look up, I set goals to road trip and tinder across America in 2018 (further details coming soon). Then as summer hit, I reopened my online dating and started to get back on the field, collecting new players for my roster of boys. One boy lined up after another. All was falling back into place, then Chlamydia happened… Just as quickly as I lined them up, I started to turn them all away, or at least most of them. There were two key players left.

I thought the first half of the year was tough, but then the second half hit just as hard. Sometime after my IUD switch, my ex boyfriend of six years, The Man Child, called me. He recently broke up with his girlfriend (who made him cut ties with me), and he wanted to hear my voice. We talked for thirty minutes and I broke down crying after we hung up. After that, he continued to text and call, he wanted to stay in touch.

Arguments progressively got worse and worse with me and two of my roommates which just piled more shit on top of my shitty ass year. Neither of them seemed to have any sympathy or care about what I was going through. Months of us arguing I was finally fed up with it and tried to sit them down and have a mature conversation about how we’re all treating each other; this really didn’t go anywhere. The tension between all of my roommates, plus realizing that I really need to cut my expenses to make my 2018 road trip a reality, pushed me to move out of my artist loft and to an apartment where I would save half on rent.

During the weeks before my move, I had meltdown after meltdown as I did my much-needed purge. I had boxes upon boxes of stuff I couldn’t bring myself to throw out when The Man Child and I broke up. When I broke up with him, I threw all of our apartment into boxes and never looked through it for three years and now it was all looking at me in the face as I finally did my purge.

A week before my move and a day before Thanksgiving, I was in a car accident. It was a hit and run, I was slowing at a red light and was rear ended hard by an SUV and pushed into the car in front of me. Lucky I have insurance, so my $4000 of car damages and all my medical bills were covered, but I was out of work for about 3.5 weeks and out a $500 deductible, plus my entire body hurt from whiplash. Once I got back on my feet, I was barely back to work for 1.5 weeks and got in a second car accident not even a week before Christmas. This time it was not a hit and run, but I was rear ended again, but due to several cars slamming on their brakes on the expressway, which made me slam on mine then the guy behind me slammed on his brakes too late. Another $4000 of car damages, another $500 deductible, more whiplash on top of whiplash, and out of work again for almost 2 weeks. I’m slowly recovering from both the accidents and will continue to see my chiropractor and do physical therapy until the pain fully dissipates.

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I think that about sums up 2017 (at least most of the negatives), but I could have missed a few, or even left a few out to not spoil what’s to come. All of this bullshit piled onto more bullshit has really fucked up my year. However there’s an upside to 2017; I somehow found myself in a monogamous relationship with the most amazing guy. My boyfriend made a lot of the bullshit fade because his positive energy is infectious. He is truly the sweetest, most thoughtful, funny, creative, passionate, and genuine person (the list could go on and on, but I will spare you). Falling in love with him has given me hope for what’s to come in 2018 and I look forward to see where our relationship takes us. A reveal on who he is will come eventually, but I’ve still got December 9th, 2016 through the first several months of 2017 to write about.

Although I am happy overall right now, I still say fuck 2017! Here’s to a brighter future. Happy New Year everyone! ❤

Yours Truly,
Kallie Pygus

Birthday Sex Marathon: Day 2

Wednesday, December 7, 2016

I woke up to a snap from The Australian of him chilling in his pool bragging about the nice weather, a “good morning” text from The Chef, and a Facebook message from Neighbor Boy asking about my Birthday Sex Marathon: Day 1. The attention these boys are paying me definitely helps show the love for my birthday week. I send The Australian a sultry “good morning” snap of me near naked in bed, ignore the good morning text from The Chef until later in the afternoon, and spill all the disappointing details to Neighbor Boy about Day 1 and tell him he better make it better that night for Day 2 of my birthday sex marathon.

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In our messaging, Neighbor Boy confirmed he’d clear his schedule for me tonight through Saturday so my Birthday Sex Marathon could commence. Neighbor Boy also told me he’d be ready by 9pm tonight, but expect a message from him earlier to tell me when to start playing with myself. I’ve hardly used a vibrator in 10 weeks, and the few times I did it was limited because my piercings were too tender. I was getting wet thinking about my toys. I told him I might just have to pull out my toys right then, he told me I had to wait till he gave me directions to use them, I obeyed.

Not long before 9pm, I snapped The Australian a selfie saying “Day 2 of my birthday marathon…” and he responded with “Have fun” and several heart eye emojis.

As 9pm struck, still no message from Neighbor Boy. The anticipation was killing me. I messaged him, asking if I should start playing with myself. He told me not yet. I waited. He finally told me to start playing with myself, told me to put on my nipple clamps, start using my vibrator, and have my rope and butt plug on stand-by. I got started and sent a photo as proof and also to get his ass up to my room quicker. He still took his sweet time.

I texted to tell him how close I was to coming, he told me I wasn’t allowed to yet. Shortly after that, he opened my bedroom door, told me to set my vibrator aside, and began to tease me. He kissed me lightly, and pulled away. Grazed his lips over my nipples, but left them just as quick. Brushed his hands all over my body, but didn’t quite caress me. He kissed my inner thighs, but wouldn’t kiss my clit. He meticulously tortured me with every move he made.

He then lubed up the butt plug and had me put it in. Nipple clamps on, butt plug in, body riled up from all the teasing, I was dripping. He dove in and ate me, licking my clit up and down as he played with the plug. My body stimulated on all fronts, I was about to climax just minutes into getting eaten, and he stops, stands up, and goes to exit my room.

I jump up, and pull him from the door, “Where do you think you’re going?”

“It’s all part of my plan, I’ll see you tomorrow,” Neighbor Boy said with a cocky smirk.

“Fuck no you aren’t,” I explained, “It’s my birthday, I’m supposed to get birthday sex.”

“It’s not your birthday yet.”

After a few minutes of this discussion, I basically begged for him to keep going, he finally let in, all he wanted was to hear me beg for him to make me come. It worked. He then tied my wrists together, vibe in my hands by my clit, flipped me over and tied the rope around me, forcing me to keep the vibe by my clit. He grabbed a condom, put it on, and he entered me from behind. Every time he pushed in, his body would press against the butt plug, my clit still tingling from the vibrator, my nipples being pinched by the clamps. All of this had my body stimulated to the max, but right as I began to climax, he pulled out, cutting my orgasm short of what it could have been.

“You ass!” I was frustrated, I came, but he intentionally slid out right at that moment to throw me off. He smiled that cocky smirk. He knew what he was doing.

He untied me, set aside the vibrator, took the clamps off, butt plug still in, and we laid there for a bit. “We should try anal,” I said.

“Not tonight,” Neighbor Boy responded and then sat up, got out of bed and started to get dressed.

“Where do you think you’re going?” I questioned, confused about his response to me offering anal sex.

“I’m hungry and you told me earlier you have to wake up early tomorrow and might not want a sleep over,” he then added, “You’re welcome to come down and eat and hang out if you want.”

“Fine, I’ll be down in like 10 minutes,” I responded.

He left, I got up, went to the bathroom, took out the butt plug and washed it, went back to my room, took a sexy snap and sent it to The Australian saying “Wiped, passing out! xoxo,” got dressed, and made my way downstairs. Neighbor Boy was making pizza rolls and chicken rings; obviously he doesn’t fit my dream man criteria of someone who knows how to cook. I laughed and poked fun at him for his food choices. He told me to take it or leave it. I was hungry so I stayed. We took the pizza rolls and chicken rings to his room.

We ate, cuddled, and watched some Netflix. Not long into this, Neighbor Boy was drifting off and as he fell asleep, he started to snore. I really did need to wake up early, so I got up, and went upstairs to my bed. The joys of a fuck buddy who lives downstairs from you is your bed is never too far away.

Yours Truly,
Kallie Pygus

Spoiler Alert! Down to One.

One year. An entire year has passed and I am struggling to get back on track with writing. My most recent post 3 Boys, 24 Hours literally happened November 29-30, 2016, just over a year ago. I recently decided that this past year’s experiences will be some of the final current events I will tell you about in The Boys I Encounter. I will continue to write past life experiences as originally planned on The Boys I Encounter, but for now, how things stand in my life, The Boys I Encounter is no longer a fitting title for the foreseeable future because I somehow found myself in a monogamous relationship. I will be starting a second blog as I start this new chapter of my life and I’ll share those details with you soon.

Coming from the girl who didn’t see herself in a monogamous relationship, I’ll tell you now, shit happens. You can’t always control how life goes and who you fall in love with, just go with it and let it happen. SHIT! Did I just say fall in love? I did, didn’t I? He and I have yet to say those three little (big deal) words, but it’s been in the back of my mind for what seems like forever now and I’m sure he’ll find out soon enough now that I’m writing it out loud. We’ve only been officially dating a little over a month, but even before then, he has ultimately become the most important boy I’ve encountered; the one and only I want.

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So who is this boy? Is it Neighbor Boy? The Australian? Some other boy I’ve written about? Or is it a boy yet to be introduced? You’ll just have to follow and keep reading to find out. 

Yours Truly,
Kallie Pygus

Drunk Neighbor Boy

A week later, while on my way to my family camping trip, I got a call from work asking if I could bartend. They knew I was on vacation, but the girl that was covering for me ended up in a car accident and would not be able to cover my shift anymore. I reluctantly agreed and said I would be running late as I was already almost to the campsite and would have to drop my brother off at the campground and then take his car to get back to the city.

While still on our way to the campsite, Neighbor Boy messaged me on Facebook. He was following up about the key for the roof. I told him I wasn’t home at the moment, but would be home super late and he could message one of my other roommates for the key to the roof. He flirted for a bit and said that if I hear a bunch of music and noise coming from his apartment when I get home tonight, I should stop by for his birthday party. I told him I would try, but it wouldn’t be until about 3am. He said the party should still be going, but I could also message him to double check whenever I get home. He also tried to tell me he wanted to get my number last week, but didn’t want to ruin my date. I told him that Shane and I are just friends and it wasn’t a date. He didn’t believe me.

I dropped my brother off at the campsite and turned back to go bartend for the evening. My manager thanked me for being there and said that if I wanted, I could leave as early as 12/12:30 as long as it’s not crazy. I took advantage of this offer, closed my POS, and booked it at about 12:20am.

I messaged Neighbor Boy as I was leaving and told him I would be there in about 20 minutes. He didn’t respond. When I got home, as I walked up to my apartment, I heard music coming from Neighbor Boy’s apartment. I wanted to freshen up and grab myself a drink to bring down, so I went up, I stalled in hopes that he would respond before I just showed up.

Fifteen minutes or so went by since I’ve been home, about forty minutes since I messaged him and still no response. In his earlier message, he did say if I heard a bunch of noise and music to stop by. I grabbed my drink, and walked downstairs and walked into the party. As I walked in, there was hardly anyone left. Like less than 10 people. I didn’t see Neighbor Boy in the vast open space, but I also didn’t look for him. I started to say hi to one of Neighbor Boy’s roommates, and not long after I got talking, Neighbor Boy sat up, he was laying on the couch nearly passed out.

He hurried over to talk to me and although I already introduced myself to his roommate Max, Neighbor Boy intervened to introduce us (kind of), but more or less to tell Max that, “This is our sexy upstairs neighbor that I’ve been telling you about,” as he looked me up and down basically staring at my tits.

Kind of offended, also embarrassed, yet some how flattered, I shut him down by saying, “Thanks for the introduction, but I think I got it covered, we already met.” And I continued my conversation with Max. Neighbor Boy drunkenly flustered now, tried to participate in the conversation. I still wasn’t accepting his drunk ass. Max offered to grab me a drink, I finished mine and accepted.

While Max went to the kitchen, Neighbor Boy stepped back in and apologized for his drunkness. He claimed he was napping and trying to sober up before I came, but I got there earlier than he expected. I listened to his drunkness, laughed as he frantically tried to explain to me his approach, and laughed some more as he drunkenly tried to make up for it by telling me things like, “You’re so attractive. Obviously I think you’re attractive. But you’re also cool. You’re sexy….” His drunken statements kept spewing out in a repetitive manner.

I tried to hang out for a bit, when Max came back with my drink, he stood near by to observe the drunken mess in front of us. Neighbor Boy was sloshed, trying to come back, but failing hard. His favorite thing to tell me over and over, “You’re so attractive.” He was trying so hard not to say hot, sexy, or anything that would offend me because he already fucked up. He also brought up my “date” with Shane a few more times, trying to tell me how he didn’t want to ruin it. About twenty minutes of this went by, I finished the drink Max made me, and then said my good byes. Neighbor Boy, upset and confused, followed me to the front door, “Sorry I’m fucked up. You’re so attractive. Can I take you out?” Slurring his words.

Now standing by the front door, I laughed and told him, “Try asking me again when you’re sober.”

“I’m sober enough. I think you’re attractive. Also cool…” he persisted.

“You hardly even know me.” I explained.

“You brought my dog back, so you’re cool.” He was trying so hard. I laughed, he continued, “So can we hang out?”

“You’re drunk. Try another time, and maybe,” I told him.

“Is that maybe a yes? Or are you just being nice?” and before I could tell him to ask me later again, his drunk ass continued, “Do you even find me attractive? I find you attractive.”

“Yes, I find you attractive.”

“Do you really? Or are you just saying that?” He questioned.

“I do.”

“So we can hang out?” He tried again.

“Ask again when you’re sober.” I insisted, and he conceded.

“Fine. But can I get a birthday kiss?” He was pushing it.

“A birthday hug.” I told him.

“A kiss?” He said.

“A kiss on the cheek.” I negotiated.

“Fine.” he accepted.

He hugged me and held me for a moment. He then leaned back still holding me. I looked at him, he pointed to his cheek. I smirked and went to kiss his cheek, he tried to turn his lips towards mine to try to kiss me. I pulled away and gave him a look, he then turned his cheek to me again, and I kissed his cheek. He pulled me in to extend the hug for a moment, then I pulled away and walked out and headed up stairs to pass out.

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Is downstairs too close to home? Am I shitting where I eat? When the boy in question lives right downstairs, it’s important to proceed with caution. We’ll see.

Yours Truly,
Kallie Pygus

When Two Boys Meet

Fast forward about a month to early August….

I haven’t seen Neighbor Boy at all since I met him a month earlier, which was kind of disappointing, but then again we didn’t exchange numbers or anything. During this time, I went on several tinder dates, saw Chase a time or two, and have been hanging out with Shane more and more platonically. I had so much going on with other boys that Neighbor Boy was the last guy on my mind.

There’s always extra bartending gigs in the summer with festivals, so Shane and I got to work together for a friend’s booth at Taste of Lincoln. Throughout the day, we were mildly flirty, but more friendly and comfortable with each other than anything else. We bonded over both being bartenders; however, during this same gig, he told me he started applying for full-time jobs again and even had an interview, so would be quitting bartending soon.

Although I still find him very attractive, it seems like Shane and I got to a point where we’re friends. Or so I thought… He was very confusing throughout the day. Like he kept giving me this look like he wanted me. A few hours into the day, it slowed down and I sat for a moment and got my sunblock out to reapply. As I went to put some on my shoulders, he walked up behind me and began to rub them for me and spread it down my upper back. Shane is the best with his hands, his massages are to die for, so I relaxed and tilted my head down to let him continue to rub my back. Some people walked up to the booth, Shane stopped massaging me to take their order. I quickly finished adding my sunblock and went back to the front of the booth.

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Our light banter continued, but it was still hard to read. I want to be able to be friends with him, and I think we were doing well for a while minus the times we ended up fucking (even then we easily continued being friends). On the other hand, I really want to fuck him. I miss kissing him, holding him, having him massage me, and I miss feeling his body against mine as he fucks me. He is still one of the greatest lays and I know we couldn’t ever be in a relationship with each other, but I wish we could continue to fuck.

As our evening wrapped up, Shane and I cleaned up our booth, closed up, and headed out. We both walked towards the redline and he asked if I wanted to grab a drink with him. I told him there was a party going on at my place, but that he should come by and we could have a few drinks there. He accepted the invitation and we hopped on the next redline to my place.

When we got to my place, the party was packed, we squeezed our way to the bar and I grabbed Shane a beer and made myself a whiskey coke. There was a band playing that night, so it was pretty loud. My roommates needed some help with the party, so I was running around picking things up and grabbing some friends some drinks. During this, Shane and I kept making eye contact. I pulled one of my other roommates aside to tell him to pick up my slack and let me chill with Shane. He agreed and I got back to entertaining my guest.

I sat at the bar next to Shane. He told me how sweet the party is; it was his first time at one of our parties. I laughed and tried to keep it platonic, but I kept thinking about how I wanted him. The band ended, I went back behind the bar and grabbed Shane and I each another round. As the next band started, I took Shane up to the roof, hoping to find a quieter space.

When we got to the roof, there were about twenty or so people up there, but definitely a bit more quiet and tame compared to inside. I lifted myself and sat on the ledge on the front of the roof, he sat right next to me. He was closer than I had expected, but it was a pleasant surprised. His leg against mine, we started with some bar talk, ranting about various customers and telling tales and horrors of our bartending experiences. This quickly changed to a more flirtatious banter and got to a point where there was a comfortable silence. We locked eyes for a moment in our silence, but at this very instance, Neighbor Boy and his roommate Mike walked up.

I stood up and gave Mike a hug and said hi, then looked and Neighbor Boy and said hey to him as well. I introduced them to Shane and we all got talking. It was Neighbor Boy’s first time on the roof. He asked me how to get a key for the roof because they were having a party next weekend. This was getting complicated, I wanted Shane, but couldn’t resist my flirtation with Neighbor Boy. I’m terrible at hiding it. To be a little sly, instead of flirtatiously giving Neighbor Boy my number, I told Neighbor Boy that Mike has my information or to find me on Facebook and I could get him a key. At that moment, Neighbor Boy got a bit weird, said thanks but then said bye right away and left.

Mike stayed up and chatted with Shane and I a bit more. He told me that next weekend is Neighbor Boy’s birthday party and I should come. I told Mike I have a camping trip planned with my family, but if for whatever reason I’m around, I would stop by. The conversation wrapped up and Mike went to talk to another one of my roommates that was on the other side of the roof.

Shane and I sat back where we were at, but now he was a good foot or two away from me. He took a sip of his drink, I took a sip of mine. At this point, he said he should finish his drink and head out. A little disappointed, I jokingly asked, “Why? Is it past your bedtime?” He laughed, but then told me he was going to meet up with some friends. I let it go. He finished his drink, we hugged, and said our goodbyes.

That was the last time I saw Shane. He got the job he interviewed for, so he quit bartending. As a result, we texted less and less. He no longer had bartending stories or customers to bitch about. We no longer had common ground. He is back to being a soccer playing corporate employee with a 9-5, while I’m still a free-spirited artist and curator that works odd and end jobs. Every rare occasion we will text one another, but usually it’s just a one-off meme or quick text. Nothing more.

Although this boy was no more, you know what they say; when one door closes another opens.

Yours Truly,
Kallie Pygus

Note to Self: Quit Bad Sex

Jay… Jay was a boy from Tinder. We matched back in July during my short stint back on the app. We had some good flirty banter on the app, he asked for my number, and we continued to text. He begged to meet me for a few weeks and when I finally agreed, he failed. The first time he tried to arrange to meet up with me, he claimed work was running late asking to meet at 11pm instead of 8pm so I canceled because I had to be up early the next day. The next time he tried to hang out, it was pouring out, so he then asked for a rain check, I agreed. Third time, supposedly a friend of his got in a car accident… Maybe it was true, but hard to tell when this is his third cancelation. I let it slide.

The day after his third cancelation, we finally met up. We went to a beercade and played some old school games. Beercades are my go-to for meeting guys if they fail at making plans. It means I get to play games instead of dragging out all the first date interview questions over drinks. It was fine. He was cute, confident, but a bit short and thin for my liking.

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After the beercade, we took a walk. We talked some more and he stopped me mid sentence, turned, pulled me in and kissed me and said, “I’ve been wanting to do that all night.” He is that guy that will say all the things he thinks you want to hear so he can fuck you. I knew that’s what he was trying to do, it was pretty obvious just by the texts before even meeting him. It was a good kiss; it even turned me on a bit. Overall, his charm was turning me on, but I could tell he would only be a one night fuck and nothing more.

On our walk, we went to another bar for one more drink… at least that was the plan. The bar we ended up at was doing karaoke night. I’m not one for karaoke. I hate feeling like I’m being put on the spot, especially unprepared. Jay demanded we both do a song. I reluctantly agreed. He ended up doing a Backstreet Boys song, I did The Joker by Steve Miller Band. He did fine, I failed. It was fun seeing him up there, but I was miserable doing it even though he tried to be a good audience by being up front and center singing along with me.

Once we finished singing, we went back to our booth. I was relieved that part of the night was over. We laughed a bit and made fun of each other’s performances. There was a break in our laugher, Jay went in to kiss me and we began making out. A song or two went by and our kissing got heavier and he got more and more touchy. This was the moment to either end the night or go somewhere to fuck.

After some flirty discussion between the two of us arguing who’s place to go to, we agreed to go to mine being that it was closer. When we got to my place, we went to my bar. I made us each a drink, then we took them up to the roof. Hardly a sip in, we were back at it, making out. As he moved from my lips to my neck to kissing my cleavage, I let out a coy giggle and told him to slow down or at least let me finish my drink.

He stopped, and took a sip of his drink. He then asked me what turns me on. I got to the point and told him all my kinks; ropes, cuffs, restraints, biting, hair pulling, nipple torture, tease and denial… His jaw dropped. He insisted he could be everything I wanted in bed. He told me he would tie me up and eat me and fuck me hard. I let out a slight giggle, thinking to myself that he thinks he can, but I knew already that he wouldn’t be able to deliver what I want. It’s not too hard to tell what a guy is like in bed based off of what he says and the way he carries himself. I could tell Jay was all talk from the start, the guy that thinks he’s all that but probably can’t hold up to the game he talks.

Alas, although I was aware of what he was trying to do, I was bored and horny. If he thinks he can tie me up and eat me the way I want to be eaten, let the games begin. We finished our drinks and made it back down from the roof and to my bedroom. When we got to my room, we started off slow, making out on the edge of my bed. He’s a fine kisser. Nothing spectacular, but not sloppy. He got a little handsy, but it seemed as if he didn’t know what to do with his hands, just put them in places. His lack of dominance showed, so I took control. I got up, pushed him back on the bed, and then straddled him.

As things heated up, I took off his shirt, then took off my dress. I kissed down his neck, to his nipples, down his abs, and teased him just above his pants. I then got up, leaving him rock hard on my bed. I grabbed my rope, threw it at him, and told him to tie me up and eat me and fuck me hard like he said he would. He grabbed the rope, looked at me, looked at the rope, and seemed unsure of what to do.

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I then directed him a little. To make it easy, I told him to just tie my hands together and then secure the rope to the bed frame. He took the direction, but stumbled the whole way. It was pretty obvious he never tied anyone up. After a few minutes of trying to figure out how to tie me up successfully, he finally got it. He then went straight into eating me. It’s hot when a guy eats me, yes, but part of the fun of being tied up is the tease and denial and losing that control of what’s to come.

As he ate me, he did alright with his tongue, but was very light with it. He had poor technique with his fingers. Like he would put them in and just keep them in one place instead of doing any type of come hither motion or swirling or even in and out. So basically he was a weak tongue with two dead fingers. Not good. I spoke up like I do and told him to use more pressure with his tongue and I thrusted my hips to help him understand the motion I need with his fingers. He kind of picked up on it, and was doing better for a minute, but then slowly drifted back to his light tongue and motionless fingers.

I got bored of his oral skills. The knots he tied weren’t all that tight, so I squirmed my hands out of the rope and took control yet again. I grabbed a condom, put it on his dick, and rode him. It only took the length of a song to finish. He came. I didn’t. I would usually keep things going either orally or getting him worked up again to fuck, but at this point, it wasn’t worth it. There was no way in hell Jay could get me off.

We both fell asleep and in the morning, when my alarm went off, I showered and left him in my bed. Once I got back to my room, he was sitting there already fully clothed. I walked him to the door, he told me he had a good time, I giggled and let him out. He tried to get ahold of me a few times since, but I just ignored him.

I don’t know why I put myself in these situations. I go on dates with guys and even once I already know that shit can’t go anywhere and that the guy isn’t going to deliver, I keep going along with it. I want to give them the benefit of the doubt or something. I want to see if they can fuck me well even if it’s just for one night. But it’s those guys, the guys that I know I will only fuck once before even fucking them, that end up being a waste of sex. I need to be better about turning down guys earlier in the night.

Note to self: quit bad sex, go home and take out my vibe; it always does a better job anyways.

Yours Truly,
Kallie Pygus

Of course we meet again…

A little over a month ago, my roommates’ band had a show. I try to go to every show I can, so my friend Jackie and I rushed there after dinner with another friend who was visiting from out of town. When we arrived, I told the door guy I didn’t have any cash for the cover but I would go to the ATM as soon as their band was over because they are my roommates and I absolutely needed to see them. He took my word and let me in. We made it to my roommates’ band’s last two songs, but regardless, we made it.

After their set, I asked one of my roommates to spot me $5 so I didn’t have to go down the street to get cash. He gave me a five and right as I got to the front door to pay the cover, Chase walked in. I haven’t seen him in almost a month and I gave up on him since his “Hopefully…” disappearing act. It was kind of awkward at first. I said hi and gave him a hug. Him and his friend Myles came and hung out with Jackie and I for several minutes to make small talk. Chase was kind of quiet, which is unusual for him. It was basically a conversation with the three of us (Jackie, Myles, and myself) with Chase on the sideline. The next band started. We kind of split up at that point.

The night continues, in between each band, most of the crowd would go to the back porch to cool off. When you’re in a space with 100 people on a hot summer night, fresh air is definitely necessary. Well while outside, my friends and I sat near the window, not long after we sat, Chase and Myles came out. They stood about 5 feet in front of us, but faced away from us. As my friends and I were talking, Chase kept turning towards me to make a funny face and I would make one back… This is something we would do when we were still consistently seeing each other.

The next band started. Everyone filed back to the stage. Once this band ended, everyone went back outside. It was already midnight and I had work the next morning. I said my goodbyes to my roommates and friends. As I hugged everyone, there was an instance I caught Chase looking my way. To not make things awkward, I went over and told him I had to head out, but we should hang out sometime soon and gave him a hug…. but his tone of voice when he said “Ok, bye” made it seem like he wanted absolutely nothing to do with me anymore and I was fine with that.

A few nights later, I got a 2am text. It was Chase asking if I was awake.

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He came over. We fucked, but the sex was missing something. We both really weren’t into it anymore and it was apparent because of the lack of enthusiasm either of us had while fucking. I don’t even think either of us came that night. I haven’t seen or talked to Chase since. I’m sure I will run into him again at some show somewhere down the line being that he’s a musician. I don’t think I care anymore though.

That’s the thing, with Chase, we never really discussed what either of us were expecting. At first it seemed like it was headed towards a relationship, then when I came back from NYC he seemed more casual, but then things got weird because he got all in his head and disappeared.

Navigating sex and romance can be like going on a road trip with no map. You might have a destination in mind, but with pit stops, bumps, and sometimes wrong turns, you might not get there. If you have the right mindset, though, you can still make the trip fun along the way.

Yours Truly,
Kallie Pygus

Tell tale sign…

A few weeks ago, I got a text from Isaac, a guy who I haven’t seen in almost a year. This guy in particular is different than the guys I just fuck. He is the type of guy I would date, but when we first met, the timing was completely wrong. I was in a 6 year relationship that was plummeting. Isaac and I were mere acquaintances for a few months while I was still in my relationship. As soon as I became single, he swooped in to ask me out. More on the backstory later…

Fast forward to a few weeks ago… I got a text from Isaac asking if I still live at my loft because there’s a party (which happened last night) that he got invited to by a friend of his. I told him I still live there and he should definitely come. We texted back and forth, and he invited me to an exhibition he’s part of in a week.

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A week passed, I made an appearance at the exhibition. He was doing a performance piece where he was standing with his back to a wall completely still while making intense eye contact with the other performance artist. While they were making eye contact, two guys built a frame and put up drywall to trap Isaac between the two walls and eventually blocking Isaac’s gaze with the other performer. As I walked in and saw Isaac, I quietly approached but kept my distance. As soon as Isaac noticed me in his peripherals, he broke eye contact with the other artist and looked at me, then back at the other performer. Over the time I was there, he only broke his stare to look at me briefly, but from what I saw, he didn’t break it for anyone else. I had to leave before his performance was over. I shot him a text to tell him how bummed I was I couldn’t stay, but I had to get to my friend’s birthday party.

Fast forward to last night… Now it’s been a couple of weeks since his performance. He never texted me back after his performance. I knew when he originally texted a few weeks earlier, he had said he was coming to my loft for the party on September 9th, but I also haven’t heard from him so I was completely unsure if he was coming last night or not.

My friend Ana was in from NYC, so she came last night with some other friends and we all danced behind the bar drinking way too much as bands played and people flooded the space. I kept my phone in sight on a shelf behind the bar hoping that he would text or something saying he was coming. Every time my phone lit up I checked to see if it was him, but every time it was someone else. My roommates asking for help. Friends saying they were on their way. Even a text from Adam (There’s always a red flag…) inviting me to mimosas. No texts from Isaac.

It was a few hours into the party and no sight of Isaac. At this point I had given up on him coming at all, which was fine, I wasn’t sure if he was coming anyways. Josh (Ana’s boyfriend) and I went to go fill the water jugs for the bar, and when we were in the kitchen, I drunkenly spewed my disappointment in Isaac not coming. Josh grabbed one jug, brought it to the bar as I filled the second, then came to grab the second from me.

Well as we brought the water jug back to the bar, there he was. Isaac showed up after all. I walked up behind him and put my hand on his arm to get his attention. He turned and excitedly said hey and hugged me. We chatted briefly, I told him when he was done with his drink, the next one was on me. I went back to the bar and continued to dance with my girls and serve drinks.

Once that band ended, now between sets, the crowd dispersed to the rest of the space, back stairs, bathroom, and roof. Isaac came to the bar and we chatted some more. He asked me if I’m ever in his neighborhood. I told him not really. He then insisted I should come through sometime. I then told him he should give me a reason and maybe I would. His friends came to the bar, he introduced me to them and he ordered a round of drinks. While we talked, he asked for me to come around to the other side of the bar so we could talk more. I looked at Ana and she gave me the nod that she was ok by herself behind the bar. I walked around to the other side. We all continued to chat, Isaac’s eyes on me the entire time even as his friends and I were talking.

Isaac’s friends asked how we met and how long ago. We both answered saying we met in college, but through a mutual friend. We both acted like we didn’t know the exact instance when we met. I said I think we met through Marcela. Isaac brought up a specific place which we ran into each other after we met; it was this place that he initially tried to ask me out before I broke up with my ex. During this conversation, he kept brushing his hand on my side and giving me this look like he wanted me. I told him that once the last band was done, I could give him a tour of the loft. Although he knew of the space even before I moved in over a year and a half ago, he still hasn’t been there before.

As the next band started and everyone came back to the bar, I needed to get back to helping Ana. Isaac stepped away from the bar and centered himself in front of the stage while his friends still sat at the bar. Ana pointed it out and said that he’s trying to play it cool by putting space between us. I didn’t care, it’s not like we could talk or anything while the music is going and people are lining up to order drinks. Not long before the band ended, Ana, Jackie, and Josh said their goodbyes and headed out.

The band ended. Isaac looked at me, but then him and his friends went up to the roof. I finished up what I was doing at the bar, got my roommate to cover for me, then went up to the roof to find Isaac. He was chatting with his friends. I walked up behind him and lightly grabbed his arm. He gave me a hug, we talked briefly, but then he went back to the conversation with the person to his left. I then started to talk with his roommate. He was asking about how it is working at the space, I then explained I live here and it’s an artist loft. I told him there’s eight bedrooms. He had the usual reaction of not realizing anyone lived there and was impressed. Isaac overheard this and said quietly in my ear, maybe I could get a tour of your bedroom. I laughed, and agreed. Isaac then asked his friends if they were ready to see the rest of the space and asked if I could show them the recording studio.

I took them down and walked them through the space. Living room. Kitchen. Wood shop. Bathrooms. Gallery. Recording studio. Then as I pointed out the doors to the bedrooms, Isaac asked “And which one is yours.” I pointed down the hall, then led all four of them to my room. They were all in awe over the space. We all hung out in my room for a bit, but then his friends caught on. Isaac’s friends filed out one by one until it was just the two of us. He looked at me, pushed the door slightly so it was almost shut, then went in to kiss me. I wanted him bad at this point, I kissed him back passionately and as it heated up I pushed the door all the way shut.

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He then told me to slow down, and he wasn’t looking to shut the door. I laughed, but also felt a bit rejected. We then walked out to his friends. They asked what the plan was. I told them they were welcome to chill, there’s always after hours. They agreed and I made everyone some drinks and they smoked a joint. After the first round, I went to go to the bathroom. When I came back, they were getting ready to leave. Isaac’s roommate said that he definitely wants to come back sometime. I told them the next party is coming up in a week. Isaac gave me a hug and said he’d see me sometime soon.

I get that he probably didn’t stay because he had his friends and roommate with him, but I also felt confused by the end of the night. He kept building this tension by being flirty and brushing his hand up on me… but then that kiss was less than what I wanted and he left me hanging at the end.

Now I eagerly want to text him to let him know I’m glad he came by last night, but I also don’t want to come off desperate, but then again we have a history. It’s one of those tricky situations. Do I wait for him to come to me? Should I text him? I usually don’t care. I let guys come to me, but I have also been the one to text first a fair share of times and it hasn’t mattered. It’s 2016, a woman can text a guy if she wants. Why does dating have to be so complicated? I’m usually not one to stress about it, but with Isaac, because he’s not a guy I just want to fuck, my mind is flooded with all these questions and thoughts.

The tell tale sign of liking someone is when they are all you think about. Fuck.

Yours Truly,
Kallie Pygus

An awkward night…

When I woke up at about 3pm, I saw Adam’s text (see There’s always a red flag…). He texted to say it was nice meeting me and we texted back and forth for a bit that day. The next day, he texted to ask if I was free later in the week for dinner. I agreed. I was excited, yet still unsure about him. I had a really good time, but I could tell he’s way more conservative than I am, that plus the whole living with the ex girlfriend thing was a huge red flag. Other than that though, I had a really good time and it was definitely an unforgettable night of adventures throughout the city.

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On the day we were supposed to meet for dinner, I was almost out of work and I still haven’t heard from him to confirm. I know he’s probably been out of the dating game a while, being that he’s recently single and all, but when a guy doesn’t confirm, I always have the urge to just cancel on them. I let it slide. I texted him around 4pm saying I was going to be working longer than expected and to tell him I would be running late. This would buy me a little extra time to get ready, which I needed, while also being a sly way to confirm that he still wants to get dinner. He responded saying that it was no problem and he’ll see me there.

That evening, I got there right on time, went to the bar of the restaurant and ordered a drink. The bartender took my card and assumed I was opening a tab, which was fine, but you’d think she would ask me before just holding onto my card. I was there a good 5-10 minutes before he finally arrived. He apologized when he got there and then sat next to me at the bar. The bartender came by and asked if he wanted a drink. He mentioned that we were there for dinner, she asked if we wanted to stay at the bar and order or get a table. He said the bar was fine. OK… so he set it up for awkwardness right from the start. Not confirming. Running late. Agreeing to stay at the bar. I know he’s been out of the dating game, but dude, all of that is adding up to make me really annoyed.

He started out with small talk. Nothing too exciting. We chatted, he told me about his EMT training, I told him about work, we drank, hardly looked at the menu. The bartender checked on us a few times before we finally got around to figuring out what we wanted to order. We continued to small talk. Still nothing too exciting. He’s very dry and kind of monotone. I think the newness of him has already worn off and was only made more interesting a few nights earlier because of the amount of alcohol we had consumed.

When the food arrived, we ate, talked, ate. We were there a good three hours before we realized the time and asked for our check. And that is when I remembered the bartender already had my credit card. Adam asked for the check and she had said, “Oh, do you not want it all on your tab?” Adam looked confused, then I explained and then we agreed to split it. She seemed a bit annoyed, but it was kind of her fault for assuming in the first place that everything was going on my card and for even starting a tab without actually asking.

We left the bar. I was tired and tempted to call it a night, but then he asked if I was still up to hang out, I agreed. I was holding onto hope that I would regain that spark from a few nights earlier. We walked. He had no plan of where to walk, we just walked. It was a neighborhood he grew up in, so he told me some childhood stories which were sweet to hear. Once we walked without further plans for about 20 minutes, I told him to turn left. He didn’t know it at the time, but I was leading him to my place.

On our walk, we walked right past a sex toy store. He made a point to say something about how his friend and his friend’s wife are very open about their sex life. I told him I am too and I think that sex is a very natural and healthy thing. He kind of shut up about it. I don’t know if this was a turn on or turn off for him at that point. I think he wasn’t expecting that, plus he seems very reserved and a bit prude from what I can tell thus far.

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As we got closer, I told him I lived a few more blocks down. He called me out, “Is this just a sneaky way to get me to walk you home so you can end the night?”

Although that wasn’t the case, I was tempted to say yes, but then told him, “No, that’s not what I was doing. You obviously didn’t have a plan of where or what to do, so this is my way to be sneaky to get you to come to my roof and have another drink with me.”

He laughed and told me that was smooth of me. We went upstairs. I gave him a tour of the place. We went to the bar, I poured us each a whiskey ginger ale and then we headed to the bar. We looked at the view and chatted briefly. He made his move. We started to make out and within minutes, two of my roommates opened the roof door and walked in on us. I pulled away and laughed, then introduced Adam to my roommates. We all hung out for a bit while they smoked their cigarettes. Once they were done, they went back downstairs and Adam and I went right back into making out.

At this point, things got hot. He started to work his hand all on my body and up to grab my breasts. As he felt me up, he started to kiss down my neck and eventually kissed down to suck on my nipples. I was so worked up at this point, yet still exhausted, yet still unsure and leaning towards a no with him. We continued to feel each other’s bodies and kiss until my roommates came up for yet another cigarette break, but this time, they walked to the other side of the roof away from us.

We stopped making out. I realized the time and said I should probably get going to bed soon. He said he would leave whenever I wanted him out. I looked at the clock, it was about 11:30, I told him midnight would be fine. My roommates didn’t seem to be leaving this time, so Adam and I just kind of hung out awkwardly for a bit longer before I caved and asked if he wanted to go to my room.

He agreed. I then gave him a caveat and said there will be no sex and he’s still leaving at midnight. He laughed and still agreed. We went downstairs and went to my room. We got back to making out. I got on top and straddled him. As we were making out, he started to rub my back, which felt amazing, so I told him to keep doing that. What was a make out session, quickly turned into a soothing back massage and cuddle session which I ended up falling asleep on him as he rubbed my back.

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I woke up around 12:20 and realized what had happened. I saw the time and said I should probably get ready for bed. He put his shoes on and made his way out the door, on his way out, he said we should hang out again soon. I agreed, but wasn’t really that interested anymore. I would have hung out with him again if he tried, but he never did.

This was a month ago. And we went the entire month without talking, that is, until this past Wednesday he invited me to a party for Friday. I told him maybe I could show up later, but I had another party to go to. I ended up not being able to go, but told him we should catch up soon. The ball is in his court. I’m not really going to push hanging out again, but if he hits me up, I probably wouldn’t turn him down.

We’ll see if this goes anywhere… Sometimes you should leave it at one night of romance, this is probably one of those times.

Yours Truly,
Kallie Pygus