Birthday Sex Marathon: Days 4 & 5

Friday, December 9, 2016-Saturday, December 10, 2016

Happy birthday to me!

I woke up to texts, Facebook posts, messages, and calls from various friends and family to wish me a happy birthday. I also got a text from The Chef, a voice message from The Australian, and then a message from Neighbor Boy

Neighbor Boy and I hashed out how insensitive he was the night before.
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I don’t remember the comment that he made the night before? But regardless, he obviously wasn’t making shit better by telling me that my emotional breakdown was weirder than his comment.

After hashing it out, we made plans for that evening. His roommate’s birthday is a few days before mine, so his birthday party happened to be that night, which worked well for me. Double the party, one that night with roommates and neighbors plus their friends, then the next night was me and my friends. With this, I told Neighbor Boy I’d be home at 9pm and we could fuck before the party started at 10pm.

When I got home, I messaged him. He was failing….

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I was getting frustrated and he wasn’t delivering birthday sex as promised. Shortly after “That’s not my fault” he walked into my room. It was on.

We made out. I was still naked from my shower. He undressed quickly, continued to kiss me, then kissed down my body. There wasn’t much time till the party, so we kept it quick. As we finished, I told him he still owes me more birthday sex. He got dressed and headed down. I told him I’d be down shortly. After he left my room, I got dressed, took a selfie on snapchat to send The Australian my “Birthday Marathon day 4…” snap.

Once I was done getting ready, I made my way down to the party with a few of my roommates. I received hugs and happy birthdays from neighbors and friends as I arrived. Soon enough, drinks were poured, bowls were smoked, and games were played. Neighbor Boy and I hung out at the party as if we didn’t just fuck, and all went on.

That’s the thing about fuck buddies; there’s fucking when you’re behind closed doors, then there’s the way you interact in the real world. Neighbor Boy and I had a way of talking shit to each other when out of the bedroom. He’d say some sarcastic ass remark to me, and I would dish it back. The only way it was made known that we probably fucked is he’d walk by and grab my ass while we played pool. Other than that, there was no kissing, no physical contact, no real flirtation.

As the night progressed, I was getting a bit tipsy and my phone kept buzzing. It was The Australian. He was sending snap after snap and even a few messages on WhatsApp. I caved and started to message back and sent him some snaps. Had I been sober, I would have refrained. But the alcohol got the best of me and I enjoyed talking to him.

This caught Neighbor Boy’s attention. He came over to me and told me to put my phone away. I told him it’s my birthday and I could do whatever the fuck I wanted. He then insisted we played pool. I was just the right level of drunk to kick his ass. My claim for pool is that I have to be drunk. Too sober or too wasted I fail, but slightly drunk, I’m wonderful. As I kicked his ass, my brother texted that he was there and to meet him out front.

My brother and his friend came in and went straight to the pool table. I introduced him to Neighbor Boy. Shit was a little awkward, but the night went on. The four of us played doubles. Several rounds later it was nearing 4am. I was exhausted. I knew Neighbor Boy was drained. The party was dying. It was the four of us and maybe a few other people. My brother kept insisting another round. I finally had to tell him I was about to go up to my room and pass out. They left. Finally.

I went upstairs, Neighbor Boy stayed behind but said he’d meet me upstairs once he finished his cigarette and brushed his teeth. I messaged him when I got to my bed to tell him I was passing out but my door would be left unlocked. He came up and we fell asleep.

I woke up to Neighbor Boy pushing his morning wood against my ass. I rolled over and we got straight to business. It was fine, but I stopped him not long after we started. My triangle piercing was killing me. I couldn’t keep fucking, it was unbearable.

He left frustrated. I brushed it off and went on with my day. He messaged me later…

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My birthday marathon came to a wrap. I came a handful of times. Got tied up. Played with toys. All the oral sex. Semi-successful anal sex. Had an emotional breakdown. The actual birthday sex quicky. Morning after birthday piercing pain. There were ups and downs, but I was satisfied overall.

Yours Truly,
Kallie Pygus

Fuck 2017, Happy New Year!

Without giving too much away… 2017 has truly been bitch and a half with glimpses of hope for the future. I spent the first week of the year bedridden due to the flu. Then I slipped into a deep depression that’s been looming over me for quite some time before it hit hard. I couldn’t help but cry almost every day for months, slept all day most days, and nearly lost control of my life for a while. The entire year, I’ve seen various doctors 1-3 times a month for several health reasons, most resolved by now, some I’m still working on. Piled on top of this, my period was progressively getting worse every month, the only option was to switch IUDs from Paragard (which I’ve had for about 4 years already) to a Mirena, and then I was still bleeding for an entire month with terrible cramps.

Because of my health, period issues, and depression, my casual sex in 2017 was very sporadic, especially for the first half of the year. As things started to look up, I set goals to road trip and tinder across America in 2018 (further details coming soon). Then as summer hit, I reopened my online dating and started to get back on the field, collecting new players for my roster of boys. One boy lined up after another. All was falling back into place, then Chlamydia happened… Just as quickly as I lined them up, I started to turn them all away, or at least most of them. There were two key players left.

I thought the first half of the year was tough, but then the second half hit just as hard. Sometime after my IUD switch, my ex boyfriend of six years, The Man Child, called me. He recently broke up with his girlfriend (who made him cut ties with me), and he wanted to hear my voice. We talked for thirty minutes and I broke down crying after we hung up. After that, he continued to text and call, he wanted to stay in touch.

Arguments progressively got worse and worse with me and two of my roommates which just piled more shit on top of my shitty ass year. Neither of them seemed to have any sympathy or care about what I was going through. Months of us arguing I was finally fed up with it and tried to sit them down and have a mature conversation about how we’re all treating each other; this really didn’t go anywhere. The tension between all of my roommates, plus realizing that I really need to cut my expenses to make my 2018 road trip a reality, pushed me to move out of my artist loft and to an apartment where I would save half on rent.

During the weeks before my move, I had meltdown after meltdown as I did my much-needed purge. I had boxes upon boxes of stuff I couldn’t bring myself to throw out when The Man Child and I broke up. When I broke up with him, I threw all of our apartment into boxes and never looked through it for three years and now it was all looking at me in the face as I finally did my purge.

A week before my move and a day before Thanksgiving, I was in a car accident. It was a hit and run, I was slowing at a red light and was rear ended hard by an SUV and pushed into the car in front of me. Lucky I have insurance, so my $4000 of car damages and all my medical bills were covered, but I was out of work for about 3.5 weeks and out a $500 deductible, plus my entire body hurt from whiplash. Once I got back on my feet, I was barely back to work for 1.5 weeks and got in a second car accident not even a week before Christmas. This time it was not a hit and run, but I was rear ended again, but due to several cars slamming on their brakes on the expressway, which made me slam on mine then the guy behind me slammed on his brakes too late. Another $4000 of car damages, another $500 deductible, more whiplash on top of whiplash, and out of work again for almost 2 weeks. I’m slowly recovering from both the accidents and will continue to see my chiropractor and do physical therapy until the pain fully dissipates.

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I think that about sums up 2017 (at least most of the negatives), but I could have missed a few, or even left a few out to not spoil what’s to come. All of this bullshit piled onto more bullshit has really fucked up my year. However there’s an upside to 2017; I somehow found myself in a monogamous relationship with the most amazing guy. My boyfriend made a lot of the bullshit fade because his positive energy is infectious. He is truly the sweetest, most thoughtful, funny, creative, passionate, and genuine person (the list could go on and on, but I will spare you). Falling in love with him has given me hope for what’s to come in 2018 and I look forward to see where our relationship takes us. A reveal on who he is will come eventually, but I’ve still got December 9th, 2016 through the first several months of 2017 to write about.

Although I am happy overall right now, I still say fuck 2017! Here’s to a brighter future. Happy New Year everyone! ❤

Yours Truly,
Kallie Pygus

Proceeding with Caution

The morning after my encounter with Drunk Neighbor Boy, I woke up early to drive up to the campsite to meet up with my family. Shortly after I got there, he messaged me to apologize for his drunkness and to thank me for coming to his birthday party. Our banter was on point. He asked if he made an ass of himself, I poked fun at all of his ramblings of me being attractive.

It didn’t take too long for him to ask me out. I agreed. He then tried to see if we could hang out that day. I told him I was out of town for the next few days and would be back Tuesday. Without even asking, he then declared that Wednesday we would hang out. Lucky for him I was free.

Wednesday rolled around. No word from him since the morning after his party when I agreed to hang out with him. Now it was getting close to 6:30pm and I haven’t heard from him. I should have just canceled on him, made him think twice before being inconsiderate and not confirming or actually coming up a plan. Alas, I was intrigued by the fact that he lived downstairs and those possibilities, so I messaged him:

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His mention of telling me to wear shorts or tight jeans was a red flag. Who the fuck thinks it’s ok to tell a woman what to wear like that? I still give him shit to this day about it and he still tries to say it was a joke. In spite of his jeans comment, I wore a dress, and not a dress that was revealing. It was just above knee length, t-dress with a high neck line so absolutely no cleavage.

Anyways, after all this, I was starving, he was dragging ass, it was about 9pm by the time he was finally ready. My friend was still chilling, but she was about to head out, I told him to meet me out front in five because I was walking my friend to her car. He agreed. After walking her to her car and then walking back to the front door, I waited. He wasn’t there. I messaged him to hurry his ass up. A few minutes later he finally got his shit together and came out. I instantly gave him shit for his behavior, he apologized but insisted it was a joke.

We walked to DMK burger down the street. On our walk and during dinner we flirted, asked some basic questions to get to know each other, and discussed our expectations. I told him I wasn’t looking for a relationship, he agreed. We kind of hit it off now that we understood that we were both interested in casual sex, but I did tell him I would have to proceed with caution.

As we continued this conversation and walked back to our building, he asked more about what I mean with proceeding with caution. I explained to him that because he is my downstairs neighbor, obviously there are times we will run into each other with other people or if one of us catches feelings and the other doesn’t, things can get weird. He assured me that he would be totally fine and that if he saw me with some dude, he would smile at me and we would keep walking. He even threw in there that he would high five the dude or something which made me laugh.

We got back to our building, I invited him up to my floor for a drink. He accepted. We went directly to the bar and I made us each a whiskey ginger. We made our way up to the roof and kept chatting a bit more about our expectations. He explained his thought process, saying that it would be cool to have a fuck buddy that lives right upstairs. I agreed and it definitely felt like we were on the same page. We then started to discuss some of our sexual styles and kinks. We seemed to understand what the other wanted quite well.

He finished his drink and set it down. I took the last sip of mine, and that is when he went in to kiss me, drink cup still in my hand, I felt around to set my cup down, then wrapped my arms around him and kissed him more. The kiss was hot, not quite my style, but still enticing. He rubbed his hands down my back to my ass to grab it. Obviously an ass guy. He then went to lift my dress. I stopped him.

I kept telling him I’m proceeding with caution and I still can’t be sure if him being downstairs is too close to home. He kept insisting that it would work out just fine. I then joked and said, “You might not be any good.”

He laughed and then proceeded to tell me, “You might not be any good,” and then added, “I can show you and then you can show me your skills.”

I laughed, “Hmmmm, maybe…”

Neighbor boy pushed, “Let me eat you, even just for 60 seconds, to give you a taste of what I can do.”

I laughed, “Tempting. But I’m still being cautious.”

He persisted, “Just 60 seconds so I can show you and then you can show me.”

I bit my lip, thinking about how hot it would be, but also hesitant still, “I have yet to have oral or fuck on the roof…”

“So bend over and let me eat you.” He pressed.

“Fine.” I agreed, slid off my underwear, and looked at him, wanting him to give me direction.

“Turn around and bend over.” He asserted.

I listened and bent over, hands on the ledge. He came up behind me, kissed my neck, and bent me over further, my body now pressed on the ledge, he worked his way down and lifted my dress and ate me from behind for a few minutes. Something about being on the roof looking down at the sidewalk was both frightening and a huge turn on. At any moment, someone from the building could try to come up to smoke or someone could see us from across the street. I was getting into more than expected and his oral skills almost met the hype he gave himself.

He stopped, I turned around and kissed him and unzipped him as we made out, grabbing and teasing his dick. Once I got him all worked up, I worked my way down to kneel to blow him. I took him in and out of my mouth, looking up at him enjoying every bit of it. After a minute or two, I pulled away and stood back up.

“Why are you stopping?” He asked.

“You gave me some, and I gave you your 60 seconds and then some, now I’m done.” I explained.

“Don’t stop, let me eat you some more…”

“Ok, but not over the ledge.” I agreed, as much as it was hot, I also have a minor fear of heights.

He took off his shirt and laid it down on the surface of the roof  a bit further back from the front and told me to lay down. He began to eat me for a brief moment, then asked about 69. I agreed. He laid down, I kissed him, then worked my way down towards his cock and straddled his face. This lasted several minutes. It was hot, I was enjoying it, but I also knew at that moment there was no way I would cum from it. I was excited about the possibilities with Neighbor Boy, but wasn’t in a rush to test him out fully that night. I unmounted his face and continued to blow him a few minutes longer then stopped. I worked my way back up to his lips, gave him a kiss, and then stood up to grab my underwear from the front of the roof.

“Really?” He asked.

“I’m not gonna cum like this, I’ll probably go in and grab my vibe…”

“I like watching.” He tried.

I laughed, “There will be plenty more chances for that, but right now, I’m good. You gave me some and you got some.”

He pulled up his pants, zipped up, and put his shirt back on. We made our way back to my apartment. I walked him to the door, kissed him goodbye and went to my room to take my vibe out.

I wasn’t sure what to expect going into tonight, but I am glad he and I were upfront and discussed our expectations right away. This type of arrangements rarely work, even if the two people don’t live in the same building. I still wasn’t sure if it could work, but I was excited to see where things went. The next day he messaged me:

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The endless conversations we’ve had via messenger since this evening have been very open and honest. We’ve both inquired about our experiences, our likes and dislikes, inform if/when we’re sleeping with other people, and have discussions to make sure the other is satisfied with our sex. This is definitely different than most fuck buddies I’ve had, but I like it. It helps inform our sex and shapes our expectations of one another. It’s been good and proves how important communication is especially when sex is involved. More on communication and it’s imporatance another time.

Yours Truly,
Kallie Pygus

Of course we meet again…

A little over a month ago, my roommates’ band had a show. I try to go to every show I can, so my friend Jackie and I rushed there after dinner with another friend who was visiting from out of town. When we arrived, I told the door guy I didn’t have any cash for the cover but I would go to the ATM as soon as their band was over because they are my roommates and I absolutely needed to see them. He took my word and let me in. We made it to my roommates’ band’s last two songs, but regardless, we made it.

After their set, I asked one of my roommates to spot me $5 so I didn’t have to go down the street to get cash. He gave me a five and right as I got to the front door to pay the cover, Chase walked in. I haven’t seen him in almost a month and I gave up on him since his “Hopefully…” disappearing act. It was kind of awkward at first. I said hi and gave him a hug. Him and his friend Myles came and hung out with Jackie and I for several minutes to make small talk. Chase was kind of quiet, which is unusual for him. It was basically a conversation with the three of us (Jackie, Myles, and myself) with Chase on the sideline. The next band started. We kind of split up at that point.

The night continues, in between each band, most of the crowd would go to the back porch to cool off. When you’re in a space with 100 people on a hot summer night, fresh air is definitely necessary. Well while outside, my friends and I sat near the window, not long after we sat, Chase and Myles came out. They stood about 5 feet in front of us, but faced away from us. As my friends and I were talking, Chase kept turning towards me to make a funny face and I would make one back… This is something we would do when we were still consistently seeing each other.

The next band started. Everyone filed back to the stage. Once this band ended, everyone went back outside. It was already midnight and I had work the next morning. I said my goodbyes to my roommates and friends. As I hugged everyone, there was an instance I caught Chase looking my way. To not make things awkward, I went over and told him I had to head out, but we should hang out sometime soon and gave him a hug…. but his tone of voice when he said “Ok, bye” made it seem like he wanted absolutely nothing to do with me anymore and I was fine with that.

A few nights later, I got a 2am text. It was Chase asking if I was awake.

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He came over. We fucked, but the sex was missing something. We both really weren’t into it anymore and it was apparent because of the lack of enthusiasm either of us had while fucking. I don’t even think either of us came that night. I haven’t seen or talked to Chase since. I’m sure I will run into him again at some show somewhere down the line being that he’s a musician. I don’t think I care anymore though.

That’s the thing, with Chase, we never really discussed what either of us were expecting. At first it seemed like it was headed towards a relationship, then when I came back from NYC he seemed more casual, but then things got weird because he got all in his head and disappeared.

Navigating sex and romance can be like going on a road trip with no map. You might have a destination in mind, but with pit stops, bumps, and sometimes wrong turns, you might not get there. If you have the right mindset, though, you can still make the trip fun along the way.

Yours Truly,
Kallie Pygus

Tinder Douche #2

Tinder Douche texted me the very next day to inform me how he couldn’t wait to nap. I wore him out. I threw it in his face that I slept till 1pm. There was some back and forth flirty banter, but he obviously was more interested in me than I was him. If it was up to me, I would have never seen him again. The sex was pretty good, but him as a person was forgettable, but alas, I was bored and the sex was good enough to keep him around if he’s hitting me up. We texted back and forth for the next two days and he finally caved. He needed me.

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It was obviously a booty call. It was nearly 1am. He has been drinking and in the suburbs dying of boredom. He was trying to tell me he needs an excuse to leave. I told him he could make some shit up and just leave, he’s an adult, he can do whatever he wants. He was then trying to tell me that he wants the excuse to be me, he really wanted to see me right at that moment. He begged and said he would pick me up and drive me home, and begged some more until I said yes. At the moment, it was cute. Looking back, it was pathetic.

On his drive back to the city, there was a car accident. To show me that he wasn’t lying or some shit like that, he decided to facetime me while he was driving. What a dumbass!? Either way, he showed me that the cars were up in flames and he was stuck in traffic because of it. I wasn’t too concerned, he would get there whenever he got there.

At about 2:15am, he picked me up. I don’t know why I agreed to let him pick me up. I should have just drove myself and met him at his place. But that is how life goes, you make decisions and shit happens. As we pulled up to his apartment, he bitched about the lack of parking. All I could think is how he lives in Chicago, and even the cherry to top it, he lives in Lakeview, of course parking is tough to find. Stop your bitching and get over it.

He parked his car about three blocks down from his apartment and on our walk, he wouldn’t stop his complaining about the parking situation. Oh my god, I wanted to shoot myself. This little prick is so fucking annoying and somehow I decided to hang out with him again. On the outside, I faked it. I faked it so hard and put a smile on and said “Sorry, this does suck,” to get him to shut up about the parking. On the inside, I was cussing him out, telling him to get the fuck over it because this is how shit is in the city, sorry if you just moved here a few weeks earlier. Boo fucking hoo that you can’t find parking right in front of your apartment.

We got to his place, he went straight to the kitchen and told me to have a seat in the living room and he was grabbing water. I assumed he would get me a glass too because he asked if I was thirsty and I said yes, but he walked in with just one glass which he was hogging. OK? So I spoke up and grabbed the glass from him and drank the water I had asked for in the first place.

He turned on ESPN… Once again, I was annoyed. I spoke up again and told him I didn’t agree to come over so he could catch up on the sports highlights while I just sit there. He apologized for being inconsiderate, then he surprised me by bringing up art. At first I thought he was being genuine and actually interested when he asked about my opinion about some art that was up for auction at Sotheby’s, but I quickly realized he is a complete imbecile. He was trying to argue with me about how a child could paint the paintings that were up for auction and he couldn’t understand what was so significant about the work even when I schooled him with some art history. His only response once I shut him down was, “Well, that’s not my problem.” Which made absolutely no sense.

I should have left then, but I didn’t. Sometimes I wonder why I make myself suffer. Once the art argument dissipated, we went to his bedroom. He quickly went in to kiss me and the night quickly escalated. All this pent up anger and aggravation I had towards him made the sex more aggressive and hot. He pulled my hair and kissed my neck and stripped me naked and bit my nipples and played with my clitoral hood ring. He was in control and very dominant, a huge turn on despite the overall tone of the night so far.

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He then stripped himself down naked, I quickly noticed he had shave since I saw him last. Not only did he shave his dick bald, he shaved his entire chest. Huge turn off, but I was letting it slide because he quickly plunged his face between my thighs and took his mouth to my clit. And this is where he lost me even more. He had no clue what he was doing with his mouth. I literally had to tell him not to bite my piercing. How can he be so good with his fingers and suck with his mouth? On top of it, once I got him to chill with the chomping on my vulva, he got to a decent licking, but nothing spectacular, he didn’t use his fingers at all. I told him to add his fingers and he seemed confused, like how could someone finger and eat pussy at the same time?

Once I got him to add his fingers, things seemed to be kind of better, but hardly comparable to what my expectations were for him based on his other skills. Maybe five minutes has gone by, and that might be exaggerating, before he gave up. He came up and gave me a “suck my dick because I just ate your pussy look.” I looked at him and told him his job wasn’t done. He then told me, “You’re lucky I just ate you that long, I rarely eat pussy.”

No fucking shit. Of course he doesn’t eat pussy. That explains a lot, and now you’re expecting me to suck your dick? I told him to get back down there if he expects me to suck his dick. He then asked if we could 69 instead. I reluctantly agreed. He was doing somewhat better, but he also kept getting sidetracked by what I was doing and kept trying to push his head aside so he can watch me blow him. I was getting no where and I wasn’t about to let him get off without hardly doing shit for me, so I stopped, rolled over, and told him to grab a condom.

He bitched about that too, telling me he was so close to cumming. I told him he’s lucky I’m still even there, then he stopped his complaining and grabbed a condom. Once again, he fucked me hard. Pulled my hair. Spanked my ass. Pinned me down. Pinched and bit my nipples. Played with my clit. It was hot. I was close. I flipped us over, told him to sit on the edge of the bed, facing away from him, I placed my hands on his knees, and sat on his cock, sliding him into my vagina. I pulled his fingers to my clit, and his other hand up to my nipples to pinch them as I rode him hard. I came. He came. We both came.

I got up, and laid down on his bed as he took off the condom and cleaned up. He then laid next to me and said he was getting tired. I looked at him, and said “Ok? So give me a ride home.” He then said “Not my problem, sounds like a you problem. Catch an Uber home or something.” I cussed him out and told him if he wasn’t giving me a ride home, I could have driven myself. Not that it was that far of an Uber ride or anything, but the ass really had some nerve.

He then proceeded to tell me to leave. I got dressed, went to the bathroom, and when I got out, he was introducing me to his roommate. His roommate looked me up and down and asked Tinder Douche, “So this is the hot bartender you told me about?” as if I wasn’t even there. Tinder Douche continued this side conversation with his roommate right in front of me and told him, “Yea, she’s pretty good in bed… too bad she wouldn’t finish blowing me.”

I then told him off right in front of his roommate, “First of all, you fucking suck at eating pussy. Secondly, grow your fucking body hair. Trim it, don’t fucking shave it. You look like a prepubescent boy and your entire body felt like sandpaper rubbing against me. Thirdly…” This rant of mine continued for a good minute or two.

His response, “Not my problem, sounds like a you problem.”

I didn’t say anything after that. I grabbed my purse and walked out and called a Lyft. A couple minutes later, as I stood there waiting for my ride, Tinder Douche walked out to apologize. He tried to comfort me and tried to kiss me. I was beyond my limits, and pushed him away and called him a fucking asshole. He then kept trying to say he was just fucking with me because he knows I can talk shit and hold my own. I ignored him. He kept talking at me and luckily this only lasted a minute because my Lyft driver pulled up. I walked towards the car, he grabbed my hand, I looked back angrily and pulled my hand away.

As soon as I was in the Lyft, I was relieved to be on my way home. That was a night from hell, and I was glad to be done with Tinder Douche. Not long after I left, he texted:

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He didn’t respond to that text. His next text to me was an emoji crying and a gun, which I thought was him saying he was committing suicide as a dark response to me chewing him out, but I guess he was trying to say he was tired? Either way, I told him he could crash and burn like the cars he saw on the way to picking me up. Dark? Yes. Sorry. But Tinder Douche is dead to me.

Yours Truly,
Kallie Pygus

 

 

Tinder Douche

As I told you already, I redownloaded Tinder again briefly Thursday, July 7. It was about 9:30pm. Well within a half hour, I had a dozen matches, and several messages. One guy in particular held pretty good conversation, at least played along with my banter. I tend to dissect what people say and twist their words in a playful manner to start a flirtatious argument.

For the sake of this blog, he doesn’t need a name. He was a blip in my sexual life, so this guy will only be known as Tinder Douche. Well Tinder Douche started out fun and light via messaging. At one point, he said he’s not looking to date, so I jokingly told him, “I completely understand, I’m on here for strictly platonic friends too.” He was terrible on his defense, and said “No, I’m just not looking to date, but I also don’t want a one night stand.” So basically, he was passive aggressively trying to see if I would be down for a casual sex/fuck buddy type thing. I responded with, “Are you sure you aren’t telling me you aren’t looking for a one night stand so I let my guard down and fuck you the first time we meet? I’ve got my eye on you.”

I thought it was funny how hard he tried to say he wasn’t looking for a one night stand, but he also wouldn’t admit to wanting a fuck buddy, but also said he didn’t want to date. He was getting so worked up every time I twisted what he said. He eventually ended it with, “I like your style. You can really talk some shit.” Our flirtatious messaging went on until about 11:15pm when he messaged saying “Instead of messaging for the entire hour, we could have met up.” I shot it back at him, “Well isn’t it past your bedtime?” He quickly responded to tell me he could stay up till 3am tonight. I agreed to meet up with him for drinks at a bar near me. I told him to text when he got close.

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He texted when he was parking. I walked down and saw him by his car. We went into the bar, he ordered a beer and I got my usual, Jameson Mule. He seemed nice, a little bit bro-y, but not too much to send me running out the door. Aside from being nice with a dash of bro, nothing really stood out to me. We were at the bar for a little over an hour when they started last call.

Tinder Douche said he still had two hours before he needed to go to bed, so he’s open to going somewhere else. Being that I lived a few buildings over, I offered my place because I have a bar and rooftop. He declined because he didn’t want any chance of my roommates being around. He then offered his place and promised he would give me a ride home at 3am. I agreed and we drove to his.

We went to his kitchen, he poured us each a drink and we continued to talk. I noticed right away that his kitchen wasn’t your typical 24-year-old boys’ kitchen. It was pretty clean. The entire apartment was clean. He also told me how he knows how to cook. I was impressed.

Although he wasn’t my type romantically (he’s a bit too white suburban bro), he was still cute, nice, and had some redeeming qualities. At the moment, I was intrigued. I could see him being a good lay, but I’m unsure of how far I would take it or how long he’d be in the picture because he definitely isn’t my type.

After we both finished our drinks, he suggested that we could watch a movie or something in his room. I laughed, no one really watches a movie when they’re hanging out with a guy from Tinder. They don’t call it Netflix and chill because people actually watch movies. I was hesitant, but intrigued enough, so I agreed.

We went to his room and sat on his bed. He started scrolling through the TV guide and found a movie on HBO. We sat back, talked briefly, but he went quickly in to kiss me. His kisses were surprisingly full for a guy with thin lips, but being that his lips weren’t the fullest and his facial hair was well past a 5 o’clock shadow, it was nearly like having sandpaper rubbing against my face. Not fun. I pulled back and told him to be careful, he got the picture and kissed me lighter.

As things picked up, it got a bit more hot and heavy. He kissed down my neck and unzipped my jeans, pulling them off as he continued to kiss me. He then lifted my shirt off and unclipped my bra. He was pretty slick with his maneuvers, I’ll give him that. He reached down with his hand, and massaged my clit. I was in clit tease heaven at this point. Not many guys can get the right pressure on my clit that quick, but he managed to do so.

Prior to this, there had been no discussion of our kinks or desires. He either had the exact same sex style as me, or he knew exactly how to read my body as I reacted to whatever he was doing. He nailed the pressure on my clit. Then he went in to my nipples, started gently  rubbing them with his fingers, then built up the pressure into some squeezing and pinching, then went in and bit my nipples. I never told him I like my nipples bit, but he figured it out anyways. It was hot.

Soon enough, his magic on my clit and nipples had me worked up. He had me soaking wet. He knew I couldn’t resist at this point, he looked at me wanting me to want him. I paused, I was so turned on at this point, so fuck it. I told him to grab a condom and we fucked hard. I wasn’t expecting him to pull my hair the way I liked it, or to pin me down and restrain me, or to rub my clit or bite my nipples the way he did as we fucked…. but he did it pretty damn well. Some guys just fuck me the way I want it; he surprised me, nothing stood out earlier in the night, but he sure can fuck.

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He came. I didn’t. He got me so close to cumming, but alas, something about the first time rarely gets me there. I have a wall up that has to be penetrated before I trust a guy to show him how vulnerable I can be and unleash my orgasm. As we laid there naked for a few minutes, I saw the time. 3:20am. I told him it was past his bedtime and he should give me a ride home.

Once he dropped me off, I walked up my four flights of stairs, got ready for bed, and passed the fuck out. He was fun, if only I kept it at just one night, he might have not gotten the name Tinder Douche.

Yours Truly,
Kallie Pygus

Threesome? A tale of two dicks…

So during my brief time on OKC, I met a dude (Dick #1) that was super hot and I was totally down for something casual, so I gave him my number. Once we got texting, he proceeded to ask about my sex history, and then asked if I have ever had a threesome. I haven’t, and it is something I really am interested in, so I told him I would be open to it. He quickly jumped in saying that we should have a threesome eventually. Eventually is the key word.

Well that eventually, to me, insinuated that we would meet first, probably fuck, and then discuss a threesome at a later date. No. At least that’s not what that meant to him. He texted his friend and told him about me. I went along with it because frankly, both guys were cute, so why not?

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Dick #1 gave Dick #2 my phone number… Wtf dude?

Dick #1 gave Dick #2 my number without my permission. I still continued to text both of them, but to my understanding still, I was going to meet Dick #1 first before meeting Dick #2. So over a few days, both of them texted me, and I was honest with both of them and answered every question they asked. I enjoy talking about sex and have nothing to hide.

Well Dick #2 kept asking questions like “What is the wildest thing you’ve done?” I told him about when I met Tampa Boy (Red Flags Equal Fun) and he even asked for the full story. I didn’t have time to really text out the dirty details, so I sent him a link to my blog. At this point, I really didn’t care if they were aware of my blog, they’re both down to fuck and have a threesome, I’m sure the blog wouldn’t phase them. At least that’s what I thought…

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Dick #2 got upset that I wanted to meet Dick #1 first. Boo fucking hoo.

We texted all weekend, and then today Dick #2 asked to arrange a time to meet me. I was honest, and told him I had to meet Dick #1 first because he is who I chose to meet from OKC, and Dick #2 is just a third in the mix. Dick #2 got pissed, but at this point, he should have just been ok with it, after all, I haven’t met Dick #1 yet.

As soon as Dick #2 got pissed, Dick #1 texted me to tell me I’m pathetic because they are basically attached at the hip or something. You can read the whole conversation below…

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Dick #1 called me pathetic. Priceless. Really, I couldn’t stop laughing.

Now I’ve come to three different conclusions:

  1. Dick #1 was really just trying to get Dick #2 laid and neither really wanted to have a threesome.
  2. Dick #2 has two phone numbers, set up a fake OKC account for Dick #1 with some hot ass photos to lure chicks in and then was texting as Dick #1 to get himself laid.
  3. Dicks #1 and #2 both got too into my blog and saw my post (Incredulous OKCupid Douche) from yesterday, now they think I’m “flakey” so they both decided to pull out of the threesome.

Either way, lesson, don’t agree to a threesome with someone you haven’t met in person yet. Also, I should really stop sharing my blog with guys I plan on fucking. Lastly, there’s some fucked up people out there, you might be getting catfished, be careful ladies.

Yours Truly,
Kallie Pygus

P.S. I’m sorry to those who come to read about my real life encounters, these douchebags from OKC needed a story of their own apparently. I promise, there are several encounters in the works that I’m writing from the past couple weeks, I just need to finish them and edit.