I’m about a week late on this. A year and some odd days ago, I started The Boys I Encounter. First and foremost, thank you to all of my followers. You have liked and commented and supported my blog, and I am grateful you have been there every step and through my ups and downs. I know that sometimes I go weeks without posting and sometimes I post every day for several days straight. Very inconsistent, but that’s life.
A little over a year ago, I opened my blog with my Introduction and quick follow up to declare I’m Taking a Break from Boys. What sparked this urge to write a one year post was actually a boy I was just beginning to forget. This boy is Sexy Six Pack Boy, he re-added me on snapchat today and I realized it has been just over a year since I spoke to him and that he was the pivotal point in pushing me to my boy break and thus the starting point of The Boys I Encounter.
When I saw his name flash on my screen notifying that he added me as a friend, my heart skipped a beat. I knew from the start when I met him that he wasn’t Mr. Right, but Sexy Six Pack Boy, although this masculine sexual being that I met on Tinder, he was actually genuinely sweet. I am generally good at hiding my emotions and not opening up especially when I know there is no potential for more, but he broke me down, and I began to like him.
Maybe eventually I will write in detail that story, but for now, I will leave you wondering what actually happened. How long did we date? What was it about him that wasn’t perfect? Why did my emotional wall break for him? Why did it end?
Right now, although I liked him back then, if he snapped me or texted me, I don’t think I would go back to him. He already fucked that up and it’s too late. He pushed me into my break from boys and got me writing. So for that, I want to thank Sexy Six Pack Boy. Thank you for getting me expressing my views on sex and life and dating. Thank you for making me realize that it is ok to be completely single sometimes. Thank you for helping me break my emotional wall even if that made me vulnerable. Thank you for making me vulnerable and in turn, I am now stronger. Thank you for teaching me what I really want isn’t you and I shouldn’t settle for something that isn’t right for me. And thank you for adding me back on snapchat a year later so I can be strong enough to turn you down.
I don’t need any boys in my life, for the boys I choose to keep around, keep that in mind. You are a part of my life because I want you there. Even if we just met, even if we are just casual, even if we’re just fucking, even if we’re just talking and have yet to fuck… you are someone I want. You have something I desire. You are someone I like.
Once again, I don’t need any boys in my life, for the boys I decide not to see anymore, keep that in mind. If you hurt me, if I don’t want to see you, if we grow apart, if I tell you to fuck off… please leave me alone. I no longer want you. I no longer desire you. I no longer like you.
Through writing The Boys I Encounter for the past year, I have been able to use my blog as a point of reflection, a way to learn more about myself. I know I am not perfect. I know I go through phases of fucking and taking breaks and phases of writing and not writing. I know I open and close and reopen dating apps. I know what I want with sex and what I don’t want. I know I sometimes get in crazy situations, but I also know I can always walk away and have walked away even mid-fuck. I know that I love sex.
The biggest revelation I have found (maybe not associated with my writing, but still important) is that I am leaning more and more toward non-monogamy or polyamory. I don’t think I can be with one person for the rest of my life without the freedom to fuck whoever I please. I am realizing that I crave sex with various people. I am realizing I am good at understanding the difference between sex and intimacy and am capable of separating the two. I am realizing I want intimacy with someone who I can be this open sexual being with. I want someone who can accept me and my sexual needs. I want someone who doesn’t want me to change.
I want intimacy, sex, and freedom. I want to be unapologetically me.
I was trying to get caught up chronologically with my encounters, then got too involved with Turning Fantasy into Reality with J Reed…. so let’s rewind a few months. Not long after the Exclusive Fuck Buddies? conversation with Neighbor Boy, my other guys in rotation were falling off and becoming less frequent. Not because of Neighbor Boy, just a natural progression. I decided this was perfect timing to take a bit of a break and not look to rebuild my rotation.
Several months earlier, I got a vertical clitoral hood piercing (VCH), and since then, I have been dying to get another genital piercing and I’ve become obsessed with the idea of getting a triangle piercing. A VCH is a piercing that goes through the clitoral hood skin and sits vertically with the jewelry resting on top of the clitoris, and can be a very stimulating piercing if done properly. A triangle is a piercing which goes across behind/beneath (placement depends on your anatomy) the clitoris from side to side, and is said to stimulate the clitoris from a spot which is never stimulated, literally the back of your clit. With a lack of boys, this was the perfect time to get my triangle piercing. No boys (aside from Neighbor Boy) means it would be easier to avoid sex for the initial healing period.
I got to researching the triangle piercing more looking up stories and information and videos. As I did my research, I found a diagram of proper placement of the VCH piercing. I instantly felt the need to look at my own VCH piercing. I got my hand mirror out and stripped off my pants and panties, spread my legs, lifted my clitoral hood and examined my piercing closer. I quickly panicked as I saw how low inside my hood my piercing was done. I grabbed a cotton swap and poked inside my hood more to see how much space there was above the piercing and came to the conclusion that my piercing was too low and to the left. Think diagram B below.
Because of the website I found this diagram through, I decided to get in touch with Elayne Angel, genital piercing guru. She literally wrote the Piercing Bible. I sent her photos of my VCH and additional photos to get a consultation to see if my anatomy is built for a triangle piercing. She confirmed, my VCH is too low and I am built properly for a triangle piercing. Yay!
Elayne has a list of piercers she recommends, I originally got my VCH done at the studio she recommended, but by a different piercer. I’m not sure if it was the piercer’s fault that I got pierced too low and to the left, or if it’s because I nearly kicked him in the face as he pierced me. Being that the kick came from the pain, I’m guessing it was him and not my kick. To avoid having this piercer, I called the studio and asked when the other piercer is available. I was told only Sundays and Mondays.
I made note of the piercer’s availability, looked at my calendar for work, my period, plans, and figured out I should get it done in two weeks. I was pushing to get it before my next period and also before it got too cold to wear just leggings as jeans would not be ideal for a healing genital piercing. As I planned this, I also realized that the triangle piercing has a minimum of a 2-3 month healing time, but could go longer. Fuck!
The VCH was only a 2-3 week healing time, so moderately easy to not care if I wasn’t getting eaten or fucked for a few weeks. However, 2-3 months is a long time to not get eaten out or fucked properly. With healing genital piercings, you definitely can’t have oral sex, unless you use a dental dam, but that’s not happening, doesn’t seem fun. You can have protected sex, but only after the first week or so once the piercing isn’t tender anymore, and even then, it has to be super gentle sex to avoid harming the piercing. Boring.
This was going to be a tough few months, but I was determined to get the piercing, so I texted Neighbor Boy and told him we have only two weeks to fuck and I called in a few nights of convenient oral. Some really good oral was necessary, it’s my favorite part about sex and I was giving it up for 2-3 months. Neighbor Boy complied and made sure I came and came again before my set piercing day.
At the moment, I already had 14 piercings including my VCH, so a genital piercing isn’t new to me, but this piercing definitely got me more anxious than any other piercing. Like my VCH was nerve wracking because it was my first genital piercing, but after reading up on it, it seemed to be the easiest and least painful of the genital piercings being that it’s such a thin piece of skin. The triangle is a more intense piercing. It is a greater amount of flesh, plus it’s very close to the clitoris, so if it’s done wrong, it can fuck shit up. Further, based on the placement, it needs a custom piece of jewelry to fit your anatomy so it isn’t too loose and moving a lot, and so it isn’t too tight and pulling on the piercing. It should lie flat against your body between your inner and outer labia.
Going in, I was already nervous, but when I told the receptionist I was there for a triangle piercing, she asked what that was, I had to tell her it was a genital piercing. Obviously she isn’t the person piercing me, but it’s not reassuring that she didn’t know what it was when she works at a tattoo and piercing studio. I had my gay husband with me, he tried to distract me. We gossiped and waited over an hour. It was a busy day for the studio, there were a few people ahead of me. The longer I waited, the more nervous I got, but I wasn’t walking out. I was determined.
As the piercer came out and called my name, my heart sped up. It was about to happen, I was about to get my triangle. My gay husband came back with me, and before I stripped down, the piercer asked if I wanted him to be in the room. I hesitated, although it was nice of my hubby to be there, I thought being alone would be best. With my VCH, Ana was there, and I actually think having her in the room made me more nervous. Being alone, for some reason, was less nerve wracking.
My gay hubby left and waited in his car. I stripped off my pants, and as I sat up on the piercing bed, I told the piercer about the VCH piercing and said I think it’s too low. He looked at it, said it looked fine and said it’s where the lower ball hits that matters, but if I’m not satisfied, he would re-pierce it for me at a later date. I told him I have consulted with Elayne and that she even agreed that it’s too low and to the left.
In my head, I was a little concerned about this comment that it only matters where the ball falls, the diagram and text from Elayne’s website fully explains that it’s how much of the bar touches the clit, you want as much contact with the jewelry to the clit as possible. The ball isn’t the only part of the jewelry. Perhaps it’s that he is a guy and doesn’t have a clitoris so he doesn’t fully understand the importance of the placement, I let it slide as Elayne recommended him.
Without asking, he grabbed his cellphone and took a picture. I was a little offended by this, he didn’t even inform me that he was taking a picture, I didn’t say anything. After the fact, he then explained that he is sending the picture to the other piercer to inform him I want it re-pierced. He said either of them could re-do it for me and then he took out the jewelry. He also sent me the photo so I could use it as a reference if I came back and had the other piercer pierce me.
We then moved onto the triangle piercing. At no point during this did I feel like he was unprofessional, but he didn’t seem to talk or explain much. He began examining my anatomy and as he was pinching behind my clitoris with his fingers he confirmed that I am built for the piercing. All seemed good. On the tray next to the piercing bed he had already prepped the needle, the piercing clamp, and the jewelry.
He clamped the skin behind my clit, took some time repositioning it to make sure my clit was fully above the clamp, told me to take a deep breath in and out. As I exhaled he swiftly pushed the needle through my skin. I tensed up slightly, but didn’t flinch or nearly kick him in the face like I did for my VCH with the other piercer. He examined my piercing and said it might be the most perfect triangle he has done yet. He handed me a mirror and I looked at it, I was still on a bit of a head rush from the adrenaline of the piercing. If he said it was his most perfect triangle, then why wouldn’t I be happy with it? It appeared to be right, so success.
The first day was tough, I was extra careful every time I sat down and walked all bull legged for the rest of the day. Day two, the tenderness was significantly less and I was able to even cross my legs. I was pretty pleased by this, however I noticed something was off. When I went to wash it on day two, I realized I could feel the bar through my skin. In my research, from what I read on Elayne’s site, it clearly states that the piercing is behind the clitoris, so being that I could feel the bar, it must be too low. I also realized that the balls of the jewelry were too tight on my labia and basically holding my labia shut making it difficult to wipe after peeing.
I quickly went to my room took photos of the fresh piercing, wrote basically a novel about my experience and what I think was wrong, and sent it to Elayne. She assured me that the piercing looks good, that sometimes the piercing is pierced lower if it can’t safely be pierced behind the clit, but that this would be what she calls a biangle and that she usually consults her piercee about this before doing the piercing. My piercer didn’t say anything, he just went ahead and did it, so this now added to the frustration. She did agree that the jewelry was too tight and I should get it widened, but that was all that was needed.
It was Tuesday, I had planned on going in on Sunday to see my piercer so he could widen it and so I could inquire about the placement. I wanted to know why he didn’t pierce it higher. I was sure I could pinch behind my clit and there should have been a significant amount of space to pierce up higher.
A couple days past, I caved. The pain of the jewelry being tight on my labia was too much. It felt as if the balls were pinching so tight that the jewelry was pulling the piercing. Not fun at all. I went in on Thursday and had the other piercer widen the jewelry. When I went in to get the jewelry widened, I spoke to the other piercer briefly mentioning my concern of how low the piercing was, but he said it looked perfect and that the piercing is meant to be at the base of the clitoral hood where it meets the labia. Based off this description, yes, the piercing was correct. He loosened the jewelry, the pain and tightness was instantly relieved, but I still left unsure about the piercing.
I did more research and found the description he gave me on bmezine.com stating, “The triangle piercing is a piercing that passes underneath the clitoral shaft…The piercing is so named because the tissue at the point where the inner labia and hood meet feels like a triangle when pinched.” I compared it to Elayne’s site, and she clearly states, “A triangle is a horizontal piercing behind the clitoris, at the base of the hood tissue where it forms from the body.”
So I got a triangle, in accordance with the first definition, but I wanted it based off Elayne’s definition. Elayne wrote the Piercing Bible. She also was taught the triangle by Lou Duff, the inventor of the triangle piercing. Of the two, I believed Elayne’s definition is more accurate. This was frustrating because now I knew that even if I fought it, my piercer was right in some manner. He did the piercing I asked for, how was he to know I wanted it pierced by a different definition of the piercing?
Frustrated, I sent the bmezine link and diagram to Elayne and said that it seems like there’s another definition of the triangle piercing and perhaps I wanted what bmezine calls a deep hood piercing. She said she has never heard of a deep hood piercing, but she says it is closer to where the triangle is meant to be pierced and sent back a revised triangle diagram with a dot of where a triangle piercing should be pierced.
After a bit of consulting with her, she told me that my piercing was fine and it is possible that my piercer just couldn’t safely go higher. Although I sent her photos of my fingers pinching behind my clit, she said she couldn’t confirm it via email, that it is something she would have to feel in person to confirm. I arranged to get a proper triangle with her if I could safely get it done and decided to keep the “triangle” I got done by my piercer.
I spent the next few days examining the piercing and over thinking it. I wasn’t happy, but I already went through the pain of getting it done and I was already planning another piercing with Elayne. As I examined it, I noticed the piercing didn’t lay flat against my vulva like it should. I also noticed a small tear. Was my piercing moving? I went in, talked to my piercer, explained I thought my piercing was migrating. He looked and told me that was a natural crease, not a tear.
He then realized that when the other piercer widened the jewelry, he bent it, it was no longer a flat ring, it was warped. He swapped it out for a larger piece of jewelry. I started to explain my concerns about the piercing placement, and he said that the placement is perfect, but if I’m not happy with it, the piercing is guaranteed, but he wouldn’t re-pierce it. He said if I wanted, the other piercer could re-pierce it. I wasn’t going to let that happen. So at that moment, I retreated. I agreed to just keep the piercing. Once again, I was already talking to Elayne to get a second triangle higher up. I was frustrated, but I was also tired of obsessing and arguing about the piercing.
Looking back at it, I should have thought it was weird how the piercer described the VCH saying it was ok and it is just based on where the ball sits. I should have been concerned when he didn’t discuss the placement of the piercing. I should have been concerned that he already had a piece of jewelry waiting, he didn’t measure my body at all to custom fit the jewelry resulting in too tight of jewelry. I should have known something was off, but I didn’t go with my gut. I went ahead and got the piercing because it should have been right. Elayne recommended him. He said it was the most perfect triangle he has ever done. It should have been perfect, but it wasn’t.
All of this pain and frustration just in the first two weeks. I was upset and a bit deterred, but now it was time to be optimistic. I will be getting pierced by Elayne, genital piercing guru, come summer. She will do it right. Now it’s time to heal. Now I have to avoid oral and sex. Fuck! This was going to be a long couple months.
P.S. A short post from a few months ago you might like, I had an Orgasm Dream as a result of refraining from all things sex the first few weeks of getting my Triangle.