Suburbia… I should have known you wouldn’t be as good as I had you painted in my head. It was too good to be true, and that is how online dating seems to go. I had Phone Date Jitters when Suburbia insisted he called earlier in July, but it went seemingly well, too well. The phone conversation went for four hours, then we even had another phone conversation that lasted about two hours the day before we finally met in person. He was sweet and easy to hold a conversation with, there were a few minor red flags, but nothing that would have been make or break for me.
He lives in the suburbs at home with his dad and grandma. That should have been red flag enough, but you live and learn I guess. The next day, he took the train into the city and I picked him up. As I pulled up and saw him, first thought, he is way too skinny and short. Like maybe 5’7″. I’m trying to not be that shallow, but for me, while I’m not looking for a relationship, the guys I’m casually seeing/sleeping with better fit my shallow desires.
It was too late to drive off. I’m not cruel. I wasn’t going to stand him up on first glance when he took the train all this way. He got in and we awkwardly introduced ourselves. He brought me brownies because during our phone conversation, I joked with him that he’d get extra brownie points if brownies were actually involved. It was a sweet gesture, but I pretty much already made up my mind.
We went to the Garfield Park Conservatory, walked around and talked a bit. It was nice, but I wasn’t really interested. Everything he said I couldn’t relate to. He has terrible taste in music, he showed me his tattoos, both amature and the ideas he had didn’t sound too great either. He then asked how much longer I plan on living in the city for and said that he’s looking for his “fairytale ending; a wife, kids, nice house in the suburbs. You know, the whole white picket fence dream.” Those were literally the words that came out of his mouth. That was the last straw for me, but I felt trapped. He came all the way to the city and I was his ride back to the train.
We continued to hang out. He was sweet, and so eager to please me and kept insisting that he didn’t need to catch a train until 11:40pm, it was difficult to tell him that he should catch the next train home, so I was stuck with him for the next few hours.
The evening dragged. We ran out of things to talk about. He still kept insisting that he didn’t need to go home yet. He even tried to kiss me, but I was so not into it. I did a quick giggle and turn as to let him kiss my cheek. I think he saw it as endearing, he didn’t get that I wasn’t interested. He then kept setting shit up and telling me I should come to the suburbs and I hardly had room to talk. I felt suffocated. I didn’t have the heart to shut him up and tell him then that I wasn’t interested, but I also felt bulldozed into a fantasy relationship he had painted of us in his head.
I was so bored and exhausted, he finally realized or at least noticed I was tired, and said he could catch the 10:40 instead of the 11:40. Thank fucking god. I drove him to the train station as fast as I could and called it a night.
The next day he texted to tell me that he was excited to see me again and can’t wait till our next date. I had to let him down easy right then and there. I don’t like to ghost, so I told him that it’s obvious that we aren’t compatible. He wants a fairy tale ending with a white picket fence, while I want to be free and travel and fuck whoever I want. When I texted him this he called and told me he didn’t understand. He thought that everything was going well and he didn’t see this coming and that he thought this time would be different.
Is that bad that I continued to hang out with him out of pity? Should I have driven off and just ditched him outside the train station? Or told him earlier in the evening when he first so eagerly told me he had till the 11:40 train? There never really is a right time to let someone down when they are that into you. Sometimes you just gotta rip the band-aid off and let them know how it is.