“Are you a moaner or a screamer?”
This is a question I have heard from multiple guys, but why do I have to be one or the other? In fact, why is moaning or screaming a necessary indicator of the female orgasm?
I was thinking about this the other day because a roommate of mine has a chick he’s currently sleeping with that makes the loudest sex noises. I’m fine with hearing people have sex, but damn! This girl just moans and moans and screams; not just during orgasm, but the entire time they are fucking. The first time I heard it, I was woken up at 3am on a weekday to her moaning. I literally thought that one of my roommates was watching porn at full volume. It wasn’t until the next morning when I ran into the girl in question that I realized someone had company over. Once again, I have nothing against hearing people fuck, but even other roommates of mine agreed that this chick was over the top in her sex noises. The entire 9 person household was able to hear her across the 6,000 square foot artist loft.
This then got me thinking about myself and the noises I make. I masturbate pretty regularly. Depending on how sexually active I am at the time, I will masturbate at least 1-3 times in the week, sometimes more if I am really horny. I orgasm 99.99% of the times I masturbate, and every time I orgasm, it’s not marked by moaning or screaming, but by my body tensing, back arching, vaginal contractions, and heavy breathing. I don’t need to moan or scream no matter how strong an orgasm I am having.
Don’t get me wrong, sometimes dirty talk, moaning, or screaming can be absolutely hot in the moment, but for me, it isn’t necessary. In fact, whenever I moan/scream more actively during sex, I feel like I become more focused on how I sound than how I feel in the moment. It seems almost like an act, not that I’m faking an orgasm, but still a false reaction to the sex.
Do I need to moan or scream or make whatever noise is expected of a woman during sex to make sure you know I’m enjoying myself? Fuck no! If a guy is attentive, takes his time to explore my body, and knows how to read me based off how my body reacts, he will know I enjoyed myself. Added sound effects are fine, but not necessary.
Many guys I’ve slept with have expressed their enjoyment in making a girl moan or scream to me. Statements I’ve heard from guys include:
“The louder you get, the more turned on I get!”
“I wanna make you scream!”
“I love hearing you moan.”
“Cum for me! Cum for me!” – First off, I hate when a guy tells me to cum for them, it usually takes me out of the game. But this guy was actually doing an amazing job eating me out. He was a master at using his fingers on my g-spot, licking my clit, and playing with my nipples simultaneously. As he looked up to tell me to cum, I was already extremely close, then he buried his face back into my vulva, tickling my clit with his tongue again.
This one statement “Cum for me!” although doesn’t directly state anything about noise in that very moment, tops the list still because of his reaction afterward. When I came, my build up and reactions were as follows: I let out slight quiet moans/whimpers as my breathing got a bit heavier, my back started to arch, I kicked his hand away from my vagina (I have a tendency to do this, something about simultaneous g-spot/clit orgasms get too intense sometimes), and then unleashed a full body quivering release orgasm. I then pulled him up to kiss him.
I guess I didn’t moan or scream loud enough because after everything was said and done, he asked, “Did you cum?” I told him that I did with a smirk across my face because the orgasm was mind-blowing. Then he said “Oh, I didn’t realize because you didn’t really react.”
If he was paying attention to my body, he would know that I reacted. My entire body reacted. Perhaps if I kept his fingers in my vagina, he would have felt the contractions and known for a fact that I came, but even then, he probably still would have questioned it because of the lack of noise.
It’s obvious that porn has skewed many men’s perspectives on what sex is supposed to be like and many women have catered to this. Men, please learn that noise doesn’t mark an orgasm. And women, do what you do naturally. If moaning or screaming is what actually gets you to cum or you really like doing it, great. If you’re just moaning and screaming because you think that’s what is expected of you or you’re faking an orgasm altogether (which is worse and another topic of discussion for another time), consider taking a step back and find what really works for you. Once I stopped moaning and screaming for my partners based on their expectations, I feel like my orgasms came easier and were actually stronger. After reevaluating my reactions, everything felt more natural; I was thinking less about how I sounded and more about how I was feeling.
Stop acting and start reacting.